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Relationships

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Original poster

Contact after first date

71 replies

userab · 12/02/2023 22:51

Been on a first date tonight, seemed to go well chatted, laughed, no awkward silences etc, lots of eye contact smiling etc.

Bar staff came over to tell us it was last orders as they were closing at 9pm we stayed and carried on talking until close even though we both declined another drank as driving

When we left we just said it was really nice to meet each other and kid on cheek

We haven't exchanged numbers only contact is through dating app

When do guys generally texts these days ? I've had no message at all so wonder if that's a bad sign (he's 47 if that makes any difference)

OP posts:

Oopsiedaisyy · 12/02/2023 22:54

I generally would expect a hope you made it home safe message

Belle89 · 12/02/2023 22:56

As above, later that evening really.
Certainly something the next morning, if not I'd probably write that one off.
When was the date?

littleblackno · 12/02/2023 22:56

Why haven't you messaged him? It's 2023 you can do that!

Sounds like it went well so send him a message to say so.

IloveStrawberrylaces · 12/02/2023 22:56

Maybe he'll message you in the morning. I think all men are different

Brightstar29 · 12/02/2023 23:03

I would normally message saying thank you for the date I enjoyed it, then if no message or they go a bit off after that I’d just write it off. Depending on situation I’ve confronted guys before when they have ghosted because it’s rude, but normally only in circumstances when they have said they wanted to see me again and then gone quiet.

Original poster

userab · 12/02/2023 23:12

The date was this evening, I did wonder if I should send the thanks I had a nice time text... but now I feel like it's to late as we parted ways at 9pm when bar closes. Only person I really get to ask advice from is my friend who is very old fashioned and thinks you never text first in dating phase 🤣

We been chatting over the app for about a week no excessively but do communicate throughout the day

I just always over think things then think maybe he doesn't know if I'm interested if I don't text first... then go back to a interested man will make it known 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Oopsiedaisyy · 12/02/2023 23:14

An interested man will make sure that you know he is.

And contact before the first date really means nothing, its before you actually knew if there was any attraction at all.

NearlyfiftyF · 12/02/2023 23:16

Id message now. You have nothing to lose. If he doesn’t respond at least you know. Take control and it will serve you well for future dates

SpinningFloppa · 12/02/2023 23:18

Why haven’t you exchanged Numbers? I find that odd

Cas112 · 12/02/2023 23:33

Just message him

mondaytosunday · 13/02/2023 00:03

My husband didnt contact me for a week, let alone the same night. He did say he would like to see me again, just took time to actually arranging it!
My experience is, even if you've had a pleasant evening, parting with a 'nice to have met you' but nothing else is the same as 'thanks but no thanks'.

BuffyTheCat · 13/02/2023 00:10

I wouldn’t message him tonight. I’d give him 24 hours to message me. Any longer and I’d assume he wasn’t particularly interested. In my experience men (in their 40s or 50s) who are interested will message fairly quickly. And there’s no point being interested in someone who is not interested in you!

FluffyBellyMeowMeow · 13/02/2023 02:04

Don’t message him. He was I retested and had the ability to get you to go out on the first date. You had a fun time. It in his hands now, otherwise you’re on the chase.

Seriously, don’t message him. You have value and if he doesn’t want to put in the effort to message you then he doesn’t deserve you.

Of he doesn’t reach out then you know his answer. Men will put in the effort for that they value. You have many options and could be off on other dates. It’s up to him to reach out.

FluffyBellyMeowMeow · 13/02/2023 02:05

*interested

Eyerollcentral · 13/02/2023 02:46

Do not message him. If he is interested he’ll be in touch. Also find it odd you didn’t swop numbers

BeetlesForever · 13/02/2023 03:39

If you didn't discuss a next date and did not swap numbers, I would not expect there to be a second dare. Sorry.

motherofkevinnotperry · 13/02/2023 04:08

This morning. Just a quick message thanks for last night. Really enjoyed it, let me know if you're interested in meeting up again.

Then leave it.

Summer2424 · 13/02/2023 04:23

Hi @userab it sounds like you had a really great date. All guys are different, some text straight away, some next day. Tbh i always waited for the guy to message me x

Bansheed · 13/02/2023 04:33

Do. Not. Text. Him.

You need to gauge how interested he is.

I did 3 years of OLD and definitely learnt a few things. 1. Never text first. 2. First date is really Ground zero, just to check they are human etc. 3. If they are interested, they let you know.

Carry on with your week. Chat to others. Change your mindset. It is a numbers game and when it comes together, you really see how much you were prepared to settle with other mediocre dates/ men.

Patbutchersearrings1 · 13/02/2023 05:38

Why haven't you swapped numbers? As per previous posters if a man is interested he will make it known to you and will be messaging you first. If you haven't heard by this evening I would write it off-give him 24 hours. I do believe if you message him first and he's not interested you may just get a polite message back, he will make his intentions or lack of intentions clear today I reckon. Do not chase, if you hear nothing today, take it as a positive that you had a nice evening and keep looking 😔

TeaCakeandWarmHugs · 13/02/2023 05:58

I’ve had a couple who went quiet. I found it very rude tbh. Then another had the decency to tell me later that evening that he didn’t think we connected. The others messaged back very quickly (and kept on messaging and arranging another date) - trouble was - which is the story of my life - I wasn’t interested in them!!

TeaCakeandWarmHugs · 13/02/2023 06:00

By the way, I used to swap numbers early on but I don’t think you should until after the first date (if it’s going well). I had one guy pestering me after I made it very clear he wasn’t for me. I blocked him but he still called and left voicemail messages on my phone so I’m guessing he used another phone.

heartbroken40 · 13/02/2023 06:43

I've done enough OLD to know that if they don't message they are not interested. I absolutely hate the argument "it's 2023, you message him" or "maybe he's wondering too. Nope, he's not wondering, a 47 year old will message if he wants to see you again.

The keen ones message within an hour. Keep dating please, he's not the one if he doesn't message

MishaBukvic · 13/02/2023 06:44

Have you heard anything op ?
I'd send a quick message to him.

Everyone's experiences are different but I found usually that no contact after a date meant it wasnt going anywhere. I'd at least expect "thank you for a great evening , let me know you're home safe "

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/02/2023 06:53

You never know !! Id generally hope for a ‘that was nice hope to see you again’ message

if that doesn’t come …. I’d assume not interested

it’s old fashioned but I’d generally hope the man follows up first , and they generally DO if they like you

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