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Relationships

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Original poster

Contact after first date

71 replies

userab · 12/02/2023 22:51

Been on a first date tonight, seemed to go well chatted, laughed, no awkward silences etc, lots of eye contact smiling etc.

Bar staff came over to tell us it was last orders as they were closing at 9pm we stayed and carried on talking until close even though we both declined another drank as driving

When we left we just said it was really nice to meet each other and kid on cheek

We haven't exchanged numbers only contact is through dating app

When do guys generally texts these days ? I've had no message at all so wonder if that's a bad sign (he's 47 if that makes any difference)

OP posts:

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 13/02/2023 15:54

I think it’s highly unusual not to swap numbers if you would like to see someone again so would assume he wasn’t that bothered. Sorry OP.

Bansheed · 13/02/2023 16:11

Met my DP OLD. He messaged as I got in cab etc.

We once discussed an OLD thread on here and I said PP were encouraging the OP to text first etc and I said that men know the rules of engagement. He just said "we definitely know".

If they want to make sure no-one gets you, they text you

Bansheed · 13/02/2023 16:12

And, if he hasn't messaged, you are not a good fit, which is great to know quickly

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 16:12

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 13/02/2023 15:54

I think it’s highly unusual not to swap numbers if you would like to see someone again so would assume he wasn’t that bothered. Sorry OP.

But by that logic neither is she

emptythelitterbox · 13/02/2023 16:29

A man who is interested will let you know always.

There is never any doubt.

The really keen ones can be hard to get rid of!

Eatentoomanyroses · 13/02/2023 20:53

NCMum79 · 13/02/2023 13:48

The rule about texting exists for good reason and anyone who's done enough modern dating knows why. The sexes are different irrespective of what century it is. Men, testosterone, and sex drive. I know i'm painting broad strokes #notallmen blah blah. But, it is a truism i've seen time and again. If you text them first - they will OFTEN reply, they will often agree to another date, they will often do this if you initiate, no skin off their nose, no need to do all the legwork. This does not mean they are legitimately interested in you. Women, by and large are not like this, they won't just go along with another date on the off-chance they might have sex but they are disinterested in the person
.
Usual caveat...some men are shy. Some men just got held up and waited to text etc.

This is spot on. Texting them first robs you of the chance of knowing if they really like you because a lot of them will reply just because it’s easy. You need to weed the lukewarm, potential users and time wasters out as quickly as possible.

Catoo · 13/02/2023 21:17

userab · 13/02/2023 09:22

Really mixed views, thinking about it we didn't discuss another date or seeing each other again at all, in past usually that comes up if it's going to happen

I think I'm more with the not texting first after a date, I know it's 2023 but think some things don't change

Agree with your decision.
When men are interested they will get your number and get in touch. Even if it takes a few days.
Good luck in finding one who won’t want to miss out on a second date! X

LeandraDear · 13/02/2023 21:44

My now H messaged me before I even got home after our first date. My son told me that when he was on OLD he was being told by some people that you shouldn't message women too soon as you will be seen as too keen but not to wait more than 36 hours 😂 What a load of nonsense! I do what I feel like and how I would like myself to be treated even if it is a "lovely to meet you but don't think we are on the same wavelength".

VanillaSox · 13/02/2023 21:49

I think the confusion is that OLD is just a new way of dating and we haven't evolved into it. In RL I would definitely have no problems messaging first, but in OLD I wouldn't.

Figmentof · 13/02/2023 21:54

I don’t know what men in their 20s or 30s do these days, but I think a man in my kind of age group (like this man is) would have arranged to get a number on the night if he was interested. Even the shyest ones always manage it. It sounds like he thought you were nice and had a pleasant evening but no romantic spark.

CousinKrispy · 13/02/2023 21:59

God what a load of sexist bollocks. I'm not interested in the kind of man who is enticed by having to "chase" me and DP probably would have been too shy/respectful to do so anyway (we did meet through OLD within the past few years, but TBH I can't remember who "texted first" after meeting as it is not an important point to me).

That said, OP, you don't sound very interested in a man who doesn't take the lead, and that's totally fine. I guess just keep looking.

dalmation4046 · 13/02/2023 22:37

Did he text??

mcmooberry · 13/02/2023 22:54

Any nooz???

Original poster

userab · 14/02/2023 18:35

No message, he also hasn't blocked me on the dating app which I thought was unusual. I'm happy in my decision not to message first, I told him as I left that it was nice to meet him so don't feel the need to follow up (kind of screams give me attention) although the date went well the fact there was not talk of seeing each other again or swapping numbers really speaks for itself

It was 1 date it's fine I'm not invested.... need to carry on swipping

OP posts:

Pseudonamed · 14/02/2023 19:25

Any word from him OP?

dreammattemousse · 14/02/2023 20:18

'If a man likes you, you'll know.
If he doesn't, you'll feel confused'

Right or wrong, this is my mantra when dating

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:17

Didn't it used to be a 'thing' that if you made contact less than 48 hours after a date it was a red flag because you're too keen?

There's too much game playing in dating.

winterbegone · 15/02/2023 11:09

Didn't it used to be a 'thing' that if you made contact less than 48 hours after a date it was a red flag because you're too keen?

never had this, in the modern world of dating, if they are really keen, they will let you know asap there are plenty of other options that could take their place, in my experience of online dating, I'll get a message as soon as I'm home if they want to see me again.

pictoosh · 15/02/2023 11:37

I would wait for him to contact me first as well. If he's as keen on me as I want him to be, he'll get in touch.

dalmation4046 · 15/02/2023 14:30

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:17

Didn't it used to be a 'thing' that if you made contact less than 48 hours after a date it was a red flag because you're too keen?

There's too much game playing in dating.

My (now) boyfriend walked me to the train station after our first date, said our goodbyes...then he called me about ten minutes later and we spoke on the phone the whole time it took me to get home (2hours!!). It was refreshing that there were no games being played and I didn't have to guess if he liked me or not. If that was a red flag, I'd happily be colourblind 🤣 Two years later and we have both said how lovely it was that there was no game playing, we were both as keen as each other.

mesd · 17/07/2025 00:31

This reply has been deleted

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