Would you end a relationship over this?

[emileDon]

Yesterday, my partner of 15 years asked me if I'm having an affair. I'm absolutely not and really upset he's asked me.

I go to work 3 days a week and spend the rest of the week with him and our dc. He works from home so I'm with him when I'm not at work.

His reason for it is he feels recently I've been pushing him away when he comes close and not wanting to have sex as often. This is true but I've been like this since our dc were born.

I know it isn't ideal but it's not new. I have told him countless times why I don't want to have sex or be touched.

I feel like the relationship cant continue now. For him to even think I would have an affair tells me he barely knows me.

Would this be it for you?

My ex accused me of having an affair the evening of the day my mother passed away…apparently I grieved wrong when I walked for hours in shock, I should have wanted to be with him, ergo I was having an affair. I left him 4 weeks later. Accusing someone of having an affair, not discussing their fears but accusing, that’s a no from me.
It’s years later now, I’m happily married to a man who cherishes me for me whatever my idiosyncrasies, and I still need to walk on my own on that day. When someone shows you how little they think of you, take heed.

I feel like the relationship cant continue now. For him to even think I would have an affair tells me he barely knows me.

How did he approach it? All you said is that he asked if you were.

He might not genuinely think it, maybe he thought there was just a small possibility. It's common enough in relationships where sex would be an issue are you gay, are you having an affair, do you not love me?....or even in relationships where there are other issues people would throw out random questions, have you met someone else? do you still love your ex?

It would be different if he was fully convinced you were having an affair and had been keeping tabs trying to find evidence and catch you out, but asking the question on its own doesn't necessarily mean he thought you were having one!

He might even have said it to manipulate you, so that you try to convince him you're not (by having more sex).

Either way, how sustainable is this relationship in the long term if you don't enjoy sex? You probably won't be able to keep it up forever.

No, I would not break up with someone for asking me that. I would wonder what is having my partner feel unsafe, and I would want to address it, as people need to feel safe with their partner, and he felt safe and trusting enough to ask you.

I would also not have sex I didn’t want, just to keep someone happy. Making yourself have sex isn’t kind to your or him, and I think the imbalance in your drives needs to be addressed If possible.

Oh. I have to add, now that I’ve read more: If he’s flat out accusing you, that’s far different than asking, and it’s not ok. I have left someone for hurling accusations at me (and searching my computer and phone ..)

that’s hostile and abusive.

and that he ignores when you say how you feel is really awful, too. :( yeah, I’d leave him.

It's a fair question, at least he's trying to communicate with you

I doubt he really thinks you're having an affair. It was probably just his way of trying to convince you that it's abnormal for you not to want to have sex seven nights a week otherwise.

I would end a relationship over this, yes. It’s not right to falsely accuse your partner of cheating or pester them for sex when you know their limits. You’re both just clearly not compatible. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s considering cheating if he’s that sexually unsatisfied

If you keep pushing him away and dont want any physical contact I don't think it was unreasonable of him to ask you if you are having an affair.

So if he's the only person you've ever had sex with, it's possible he's not great in bed and that's why you're not enjoying it with him. Or you just don't like sex full stop and it's got harder for you to tolerate since having children. I can't tell from your posts. Certainly if you cannot see yourself ever enjoying sex with him, it is unfair to stay in a relationship with him. He seems to be struggling to comprehend that you don't want sex and you don't enjoy it.

Twice a week is good going for most working couples with DC.

You are focused on the wrong problem.
Worry less about his unfounded accusdation, & more about his sex pestery.
It seems he's one of those men who can;t give or receive physical affection without going all out for the grope & quickie opportunity.

You don't like sex at all & that's fine.
But you can't expect to continue with this mismatch in expectations & total lack of honest, accepting communication about it.
So yeah, I'd finish it for that, not the accusation. All the accusation shows is where his own mind is going - that people must be always "getting it".
Not exactly respectful to you, is it? Neither is the constant groping.

As an aside, one day far in the future, you might meet a lovely guy, find you physically click with him, & discover that you DO like sex.
Maybe your partner is just a bit shit at it.

People who are constantly groped soon learn to shy away from physical contact.

Despite not enjoying sex with him, OP is ensuring they have it twice a week.
She's keeping up a good-enough end of the bargain.
It can't be pleasant for her, & maybe she should release her partner back into the wild, so that he can find somebody more highly sexed who will tolerate his demands more cheerfully.