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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it a good enough reason for cheating?

72 replies

Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:00

Hello everyone, my husband cheated on me with multiple women when I was pregnant. He said " I cheated because you were not interested in sex". What do you guys think?

OP posts:
Wrongsideofpennines · 07/02/2023 23:02

That he's an absolute arse and you should get rid of him.

There is no excuse for cheating. And he is trying to blame this on you and make it out like it's your fault. He had no consideration for his wife and mother of his child.

Margo34 · 07/02/2023 23:02

No excuse for cheating imo. And whilst you're pregnant! How disrespectful. I'm sorry your experiencing this. What are you hoping for as an outcome?

ToDoListAddict · 07/02/2023 23:03

Sounds like he trying to blame you for his cheating.
He's wrong though.

Original poster
Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:04

I am just lost to be honest

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 07/02/2023 23:06

I think that he's taking no accountability whatsoever for the fact that he can't keep his dick in his pants, and he's trying to make it your fault, not his.

It's not your fault.

Findyourneutralspace · 07/02/2023 23:08

Not acceptable. What happened to ‘for better for worse’? That’s what he promised you.

NaturalBae · 07/02/2023 23:08

I think it’s the worst thing the Father of the unborn child can do to their partner. There would be absolutely no way back from that for me. And he agreed to be your Husband!

Original poster
Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:10

Findyourneutralspace · 07/02/2023 23:08

Not acceptable. What happened to ‘for better for worse’? That’s what he promised you.

I got pregnant a month after getting married and he started cheating on me 3 months after marriage...

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 23:19

Definitely get rid.

Margo34 · 07/02/2023 23:19

Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:04

I am just lost to be honest

Totally understandable. Have you just found out this evening? How long have you been together? He needs to take responsibility for his actions rather than pass blame, it's not your fault.
I hope you have good friends and family around you for support.

Wolfiefan · 07/02/2023 23:20

Cheating is pretty bloody shitty.
Blaming you for his bad behaviour is completely unforgivable.

Carryonroundthecorner · 07/02/2023 23:24

So he turns it around to make it your fault. Classic behaviour of a cheater. In the bin he goes. Don't look back.

Original poster
Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:25

2 years together now. I found out about the cheating very early. My mum told me to leave him and I didn't

OP posts:
Lucyccfc68 · 07/02/2023 23:28

Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:25

2 years together now. I found out about the cheating very early. My mum told me to leave him and I didn't

Has he cheated again since?

LarryStylinson · 07/02/2023 23:31

Leave this absolute Prince among men. What an absolute tool trying to gaslight you into it being your fault.

Sunbird24 · 07/02/2023 23:31

I don’t recall the wedding vows saying anything about forsaking all others as long as we’re having regular frequent sex…

It was quite a while ago now, but it sounds like it’s still weighing on your mind. You don’t have to stay with him just because you didn’t throw him out immediately

Original poster
Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:34

I think he is still cheating! His WhatsApp has a code and he told me there would be more transparency. He is still liking one of the girls content on social media

OP posts:
Original poster
Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:36

He is self-employed and comes home around midnight. He goes to work everyday...

OP posts:
Mariposista · 07/02/2023 23:36

The very same thing happened to my mother OP while pregnant with me. Not sure he ever said about 'not interested in sex', but he lied, saw no issue with lying, showed no remorse and left her without a penny to her name (cleared the joint account - fortunately was ordered to return some of it). My Grandparents always warned her, but, like you, she tried to see the good. And like her, you will be fine OP. Get this horrid man out of your life. Focus on yourself and your child. You can give him or her everything he/she needs - love, stability, truth, routine, and you don't need a selfish liar in your life hindering you. Draw strength from your family, friends, work colleagues if they are also supportive, doctor, midwives and neighbours - they will be your baby's family, far more than their biological father. Ugh, how horrible for you. But you have got this! All the best to you and your child.

Margo34 · 07/02/2023 23:38

Your mum sounds very wise ☺️ If you think he's still cheating then you don't trust him. What's a relationship without trust?

An1ta · 07/02/2023 23:40

I'm really sorry you're going through this. What happened to men??!!
I doubt he only started cheating after u got pregnant. If he is capable of cheating on his pregnant wife, he was definitely capable of cheating before pregnancy. There's no justification for cheating however hard u might look for a good reason. Your mum gave u a good advice. If you're thinking of staying in the marriage you're giving him the green light to continue cheating.

WinterDeWinter · 07/02/2023 23:50

He’s saying he only lcares about you if you provide sex, isn’t he.

Original poster
Zamummy · 07/02/2023 23:50

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I will try to give as much information as possible. He also said " you are the chosen one and so many girls envy you( talking about his admirers). They wish they had your place" does he not sound narcissistic?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2023 23:52

FFS, listen to your mother.

LightSpeeds · 08/02/2023 00:06

Your mum was right. Make her happy and leave the cheating, worthless arse.