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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Messages for the single women who are looking...

69 replies

PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 14:49

Ladies

Some of your posts break my heart.

Not because guys are letting you down but because you are letting yourselves down.

Are we that desperate that we text and text and cry and text?

We ask, we beg, we over analyse, we make excuses, we overlook bad treatment...

We hold on, grasp, cling and find toxic reasons for not letting go...

We hope things will change, we change in hopes he will come back, give us more...chasing an imaginary relationship.

Or we rage in anger because he didn’t call.

Please sisters, I have been there, I speak from the inside, let us have some self respect. Some self love, some self appreciation. Some confidence.

He is just a human. He is flawed.
He isn’t going to save you.
He isn’t going to change your life.
He isn't going to change for you.
And if you need him to change, he is not the one for you anyway.

What is yours can't be taken away from you.

If he wants to stay, he will.
If he wants to go, open the door.

If it’s not easy, thank you, NEXT!

You deserve more and you can give yourself more when you stop wanting to give to him who doesn't want and doesn't deserve from you anyway.

OP posts:
DoomedForLoneliness · 07/02/2023 15:18

Uhm…. not all of us women are that desperate or behave like this.

Some of us have standards and know what they want, and that is why we are single (even if we aren’t always so happy about it)

We also do have friends who act like this with their boyfriends and husbands, so have seen how bad it is.

It’s not always so black & white!

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:23

Where's the intelligence that your username claims?

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 07/02/2023 15:28

Possibly you aren't the target audience there responders 1+2.
Believe op is trying to be helpful, no need to be scornful. Some people are more emotionally vulnerable than others and would find this kind of conversation helpful in thinking through personal boundaries etc.

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:29

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 07/02/2023 15:28

Possibly you aren't the target audience there responders 1+2.
Believe op is trying to be helpful, no need to be scornful. Some people are more emotionally vulnerable than others and would find this kind of conversation helpful in thinking through personal boundaries etc.

She's being incredibly patronising.

Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:31

DoomedForLoneliness · 07/02/2023 15:18

Uhm…. not all of us women are that desperate or behave like this.

Some of us have standards and know what they want, and that is why we are single (even if we aren’t always so happy about it)

We also do have friends who act like this with their boyfriends and husbands, so have seen how bad it is.

It’s not always so black & white!

Good for you
I didn't specific mention you and certainly did not say you and ALL off the women here were doing this.

OP posts:
Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:31

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:23

Where's the intelligence that your username claims?

This is not AIBU - don;t have anything to contribute than don't.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:32

This is not AIBU - don;t have anything to contribute than don't.

Take your own advice.

Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:33

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:29

She's being incredibly patronising.

Show quote history

and why are you taking it personal?
patronised to whom? not you for sure so why participate?

As I said I have been there and could be one of the single women and looking I directed this post at

My past self would not feel patronised at all

OP posts:
Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:34

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:32

This is not AIBU - don;t have anything to contribute than don't.

Take your own advice.

😂

OP posts:
GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:36

@PositiveIntelligence I'm not taking it personally. I think you've used a lot of emotive and condescending language to explain that now you've found a relationship that works (and good for you, genuinely) that you can tell all these single women how to feel and behave.

Flymetothetoon · 07/02/2023 15:37

This reads like one of those shitty FB drivel fests - usually accompanied by a twee photo of a sunrise 🤮

Cloverforever · 07/02/2023 15:37

I've seen far more posts where women are treated like crap by their husbands!

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/02/2023 15:38

13 year's single and staying that way

Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:40

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:36

@PositiveIntelligence I'm not taking it personally. I think you've used a lot of emotive and condescending language to explain that now you've found a relationship that works (and good for you, genuinely) that you can tell all these single women how to feel and behave.

1- I’m still single

2- no one need to take advice and this is certainly not advice as such, but my learnings from experience and observations

3- maybe I should have said some women but maybe I thought the women who would not connect with these words would not be interested

4- guess this is the wrong platform

OP posts:
Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:41

Flymetothetoon · 07/02/2023 15:37

This reads like one of those shitty FB drivel fests - usually accompanied by a twee photo of a sunrise 🤮

At least if it was people would not waste their time replying with vomiting emojis

but MN of course…

OP posts:
Original poster
PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:43

Cloverforever · 07/02/2023 15:37

I've seen far more posts where women are treated like crap by their husbands!

Probably because they put up with crap before getting married

And I’m divirced twice before somebody says anything

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2023 15:47

For someone giving out advice on how to react to people and with the user name you have, your responses are are bit, how shall I say this? Ironic! 😂

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/02/2023 15:48

You're never going to get all that on a fridge magnet.

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 07/02/2023 15:49

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:36

@PositiveIntelligence I'm not taking it personally. I think you've used a lot of emotive and condescending language to explain that now you've found a relationship that works (and good for you, genuinely) that you can tell all these single women how to feel and behave.

your point about married women and other people with partners is a good point. All sorts of women tolerate bad behaviour and act desperate not just single women. And many single women refusal to put up with BS is partly why they are single.

blacksax · 07/02/2023 15:51

PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:31

This is not AIBU - don;t have anything to contribute than don't.

Show quote history

Bit prickly aren't you?

Dreamstate · 07/02/2023 16:22

But OP has a point because on another thread about men being selfish, lots of posts about how women should up their standards. Lots of posts about if more women didn't just compromise and accept this then over time we should more men stepping up to be better.

Eventually those men who want to be in relationship would have to up their game so to speak or stay single.

So yes I am all for more people highlighting and reinforcing the things OP has said.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 07/02/2023 16:24

Well quite a few cages have been rattled here by a simple conversation starter.
I think it's clear op was essentially talking to her former self (so not being patronising), and it would resonate for those people who are caught in a dynamic they were beginning to recognise.
But hey, let's all live in a sand paper world where we seek friction and pick people apart instead of just thinking not for me.
Op, I think out of all the posts on this thread yours is certainly the most constructive regardless of what the people who have replied to you think of it. Ironic really.

ReamsOfCheese · 07/02/2023 16:25

Zero points to Slytherin. I bet this is being dissected on another website somewhere.

cinci · 07/02/2023 16:32

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:23

Where's the intelligence that your username claims?

Ok I laughed at this

But they are spreading a good message. Others may not have been here. Many more have, so they need to hear it

TicketBoo23 · 07/02/2023 16:46

PositiveIntelligence · 07/02/2023 15:31

This is not AIBU - don;t have anything to contribute than don't.

Show quote history

But she contributed a laugh for most of us.

Which was def more enjoyable than your haranguing.