Can anyone explain why someone would behave like this?

[BigGirlInTheRedDress]

About 5 years ago, I met a woman. We weren't ever really friends but I was friendly and we were in the same friendship group I suppose so we ended up on nights out together sometimes. However, it became quite clear to me early on that she didn't like me. I had no idea why.

Within about a year, she had spread several rumours about me. They were mostly centered around me cheating with married men and generally being a nasty piece of work from what I can make out. They were all entirely fabricated.

Anyway, after about a year, I stopped socialising in my local area. I've since learnt she saw this as a bit of a win and felt she'd hounded me out but I'd actually just decided I wasn't interested in the nonsense and started socialising elsewhere.

Since lockdown, I've seen her out and about a few times. She gives me dirty looks and has done various little things that aren't worth the time it would take to describe them but which are essentially designed to stir up trouble for me or damage my reputation. I'd say it didn't work but I got talking to a woman I'd never seen before one evening. She told me afterwards that she was surprised at how lovely I actually was given what she'd heard. Evidently, my reputation had preceeded me...

This weekend, I went out with my boyfriend and some friends. She was there. I've mentioned her to my boyfriend so he is aware of the history.

I had to nip out for an hour to do something and said to him half jokingly beforehand, that I wondered if she'd try talking to him. Anyway, I got back and she had approached him and tried talking to him at the bar. He turned his back on her and walked back over to my friends.

I've literally never had a run in with this woman. I haven't spoken to her since summer 2018 and hadn't seen her since early 2019 but she was openly trying to cause trouble for me then. I was mildly amused when after lockdown and having not seen her for about 3 years, she was still doing it but it's getting a bit daft now. And she's apparently still running me down to everyone and anyone. It's almost obsessive.

It doesn't really bother me, I just can't fathom taking such a strong dislike to someone I barely knew that, after this length of time, I'd still be trying to interfere in their life!

I've literally never had a cross word with this woman. She just doesn't like me.

Jealousy! Only explanation. And she sounds like she's about 15 the way she's behaving 😬 I'd find that funny at this point to be honest, especially as it's gone on so long. It's pathetic. Just keep ignoring her. She's desperate for a reaction. She's just making herself look bad, not you.

I love your attitude. But I'd hate to think of the consequences if she were to do that to someone a bit vulnerable.

Maybe she's mentally unwell. Her behaviour sounds quite problematic.

Maybe she's mixed you up with someone else.

You bullied her at primary school/brownies and you don't remember her but she remembers you.

You've had a fall out with a friend of hers and she's taken it upon herself to get revenge

You unknowingly slept with her partner at some point in the past.

Or jealousy as pp said.

@NuffSaidSam She could be mentally unwell. I didn't think of that.

Mental illness isn’t an explanation for singling one person out with the ambition of making them look bad!

some people inexplicably like the drama and attention it brings.

You’ve handled it amazingly OP, she sounds awful!

Of course it could be. If mentally unwell she could believe that what she's saying is true. We also don't know that she has singled the OP out, perhaps she does this to several people. We don't know that her ambition is to make the OP look bad, if she believes the stuff she's saying to be true she may think she's genuinely helping people.

It doesn't sound like the actions of someone who is in a good place to me.

Do you have her name and address? If so get a solicitor to write to her requesting she stops slandering you......or else. It might make her stop.
Otherwise, dogshit through her letterbox might work 😉

( I'm joking , before anyone piles on)

What a bully. I hope you're ok OP. She must be so unhappy to cause such a stir about someone she barely knows. Sending hugs

I hope you're okay. X

There is always the tiny chance you were at the same school/club/ you were friends with someone who wasn’t good to her/you dated someone she knew etc etc . The people saying she’s mentally unwell, I think it’s a bit of a stretch although she’s obviously not living her best life at the mo!!

Does she fancy herself as a bit of a queen bee and you didn’t play along to her nonsense.
I seem to have upset a few Queen bee types throughout my life, usually because I can’t be bothered with all the drama and just keep to myself. This seems to be interpreted as I’m a bit up myself and too good for them etc and lots of slanderous gossip is the result. Could it be something like that.

Jealousy. Such a toxic emotion.

I’d agree with previous posters saying jealousy and queen bee syndrome too.

Having been on the receiving end of it myself my advice would be ignore her and what she’s saying – the truth will out in the end and she’ll make herself look like the fool/bad guy.

Don’t forget, your true friends will know she’s talking bollocks and anyone who takes her lies as gospel when they don’t know you isn’t worth your time anyway.

@DatingDinosaur I've been on the receiving end of it too a few times and honestly have no idea why. I'm average looking, frizzy hair most days 😂and I'm quiet when I first meet people so it's bizarre. How some peoples minds work is beyond me.

It's definitely bizarre behaviour. I had a similar situation. I hardly knew this woman, wouldn't even really have described her as an acquaintance. We just so happened to be on the same committee so we'd see each other at meetings maybe every 3 months or so. She made it her mission to run me down & bad mouth me at every turn. It was a bit unsettling to be the target of someone you hardly know. OP, can you confront this person? She's banking on your silence, that's how bullies operate.

This

I think the Qieen Bee thing could explain it. Everyone else would her what we were doing this week on the WhatsApp group whereas I couldn't always make it because I had other things planned. We weren't a close friendship group and it was a fairly new thing. It made sense we'd all have other things going on too. But even that feels extreme.

I'd never met her before. She's about 12 years older than me so not at school together etc. I've never bullied anyone in my life so not that either.

The only other thing is that I dated a boy for a few weeks when I was at school who she quite fancies now. But that was 30 years ago! And this started before she knew about that.

She's married, wealthy, far more 'popular' than me. I can't imagine what she'd have to be jealous of!

I'm not bothered per se, I don't really care what strangers think of me it's more that I felt a bit of an idiot when I told you boyfriend to watch out. In the back of my mind I was thinking, "there's no way she'd try speaking to him" and then she did. I just can't fathom what she was hoping to achieve. Its pathetic.

Whatever the reason was initially she now just seems pissed off that I'm still in her social arena on occasion and that seems to motivate her to continue.

I'm not sure how many other people She's like it with. She always seems to be surrounded by people. It's just such and irrational (to my mind) dislike and such an extreme response. If I don't like someone, I just have nothing to do with them. I don't spread lies about them and try to intimidate them.

I'm baffled to hear of other women's experiences woth similar but this , "You're a stranger and I barely think about you except as one of our fucking awful neighbours how on EARTH are you this obsessed with me? Even I don't care this much about me!" really tickled me because its so true! Sorry you had to go through it too though.

Yes, I think some of the rumours have also centred around me being arrogant and manipulative and someone to be wary off. I can't emphasise enough how far from the truth that is!

The first time I met her, I was dancing with my friend. She came over and asked if I minded if she cut in. I thought it was an odd thing to ask but my friend is a lesbian and she'd realised and assumed we were together. When we told her we were just friends she seemed disappointed, stood between us with her back to me and proceeded to talk to my friend exclusively. She seemed to take an almost instant dislike to me. She isn't gay. She's married and spent an awful lot of time trying to flirt with men. So it wasn't that.

OP, can you confront this person? She's banking on your silence, that's how bullies operate.

I don't see the point. I'm not skilled in dealing with people this and don't particularly enjoy confrontation. I'd rather just get on with my life.

I am rather curious about what she'd have said to my boyfriend if he hadn't walked away though!

I think she'd have tried to seduce him rather than run me down to him. Catch more flies with honey than vinegar and all that.

There is no way this woman is horrible to and about you and great with everyone else. People don't work like that. You can bet your bottom dollar that she pisses off loads of people. It is absolutely impossible that she's normal and nice to the rest of the world. She also seems to constantly bitch about you. People notice this sort of behaviour

Maybe not. But it just seems bizarre to me to do it in the first place. My friends obviously know the truth but she's warned strangers about me, is nice to them and invites them to parties etc so I guess they take that at face value 🤷🏻‍♀️

I keep myself to myself pretty much so I don't know how many people have heard this. She talks to a lot of people though whereas I tend to stick to my friends.

Mud sticks/no smoke without fire in a lot of people's minds though!

How old are you and this woman?