Can anyone explain why someone would behave like this?

[BigGirlInTheRedDress]

About 5 years ago, I met a woman. We weren't ever really friends but I was friendly and we were in the same friendship group I suppose so we ended up on nights out together sometimes. However, it became quite clear to me early on that she didn't like me. I had no idea why.

Within about a year, she had spread several rumours about me. They were mostly centered around me cheating with married men and generally being a nasty piece of work from what I can make out. They were all entirely fabricated.

Anyway, after about a year, I stopped socialising in my local area. I've since learnt she saw this as a bit of a win and felt she'd hounded me out but I'd actually just decided I wasn't interested in the nonsense and started socialising elsewhere.

Since lockdown, I've seen her out and about a few times. She gives me dirty looks and has done various little things that aren't worth the time it would take to describe them but which are essentially designed to stir up trouble for me or damage my reputation. I'd say it didn't work but I got talking to a woman I'd never seen before one evening. She told me afterwards that she was surprised at how lovely I actually was given what she'd heard. Evidently, my reputation had preceeded me...

This weekend, I went out with my boyfriend and some friends. She was there. I've mentioned her to my boyfriend so he is aware of the history.

I had to nip out for an hour to do something and said to him half jokingly beforehand, that I wondered if she'd try talking to him. Anyway, I got back and she had approached him and tried talking to him at the bar. He turned his back on her and walked back over to my friends.

I've literally never had a run in with this woman. I haven't spoken to her since summer 2018 and hadn't seen her since early 2019 but she was openly trying to cause trouble for me then. I was mildly amused when after lockdown and having not seen her for about 3 years, she was still doing it but it's getting a bit daft now. And she's apparently still running me down to everyone and anyone. It's almost obsessive.

It doesn't really bother me, I just can't fathom taking such a strong dislike to someone I barely knew that, after this length of time, I'd still be trying to interfere in their life!

I've literally never had a cross word with this woman. She just doesn't like me.

I’d stay well away from the areas she socialises in. Understanding her motivation isn’t going to change anything and she is slandering you without remorse.

Some people are just nasty and it’s not worth the headache of encountering them.

I had to relocate my social life a few years ago after a guy I’d dated broke up with me. I was heartbroken and didn’t want to hang out with him as a friend, which is what he wanted. But I kept socialising with our friends as did he. Not good enough for him. Before I knew whatever tf happened, no one was talking to me.

Ive seen this a few times. Some people get massively offended at perceived slights that don’t exist. This woman is also older than you, more reason for jealousy. Fgs stay away. People like this are destructive.

Tbh, I do stay away from her. If I see her out, I don't go anywhere near her but I'm not prepared to relocate my entire social life. I have friends, places where I'm known and liked etc. I do socialise in other places too but I'm not being hounded out of my home town!

She never approaches me either.

Besides, if lockdown didn't stop her and socialising elsewhere for months beforehand didn't stop her, it wouldn't make any difference, would it?

I remember a thread about a lady who got a message from a woman accusing her of having an affair with her husband. Turned out the 'informant' was messaging numerous people accusing them of having sex with her husband and was having a mental breakdown. There was no husband. Is she suffering from some sort of paranoid issue? There seems no logical reason she is targeting you given you didn't even know her when it started.

Thh, I wondered initially if she was just bored. She doesn't need to work and manages a small voluntary organisation locally. I thought she just liked creating drama but it feels more personal than that now.

There isn't a logical reason for it. I'm not claiming to be liked by everyone but I certainly don't go out of my way to be disliked or behave in a way that would cause mass dislike!

OP what have others in the group said about it?

One of them doesn't speak to her anymore and has been very supportive for the past year now. She says she used to challenge her at the time too. I don't know how true that is but that's not important really. I understand the position of being friends with a bully. Another, is friendly with me and less involved with her now but they're still friends. But these are both recent - within the last 7 or 8 months.

Another, I just don't see anymore but she was the one who confirmed my suspicions at the time that she 'had it in for me'. But she didn't want to get involved and her friendship with this women developed further whilst ours fell away. The other woman, our paths rarely cross nowadays but I have bumped into her a few times. She has some mental health issues and life is tough. I wouldn't expect her to do anything which could make it harder for herself. I know she was a bit anxious of my reaction when we first saw each other again last year and apologised for her part in not standing up for me more and letting it happen. They've all apologised for that tbh.

So have any of them shed light on what her reason is, in her head, for doing it?

I also wonder why this woman has power.

Not really. They just say they don't know. She didn't like me. She got an idea about me in her head but nothing more than that.

One of them said she thinks she genuinely believes I did the things she told people I was doing because they are the sort of things she would do. She had no qualms about being unfaithful to her husband for example.

I have no idea. And it seems no one else does either. She just ranted about what an awful person I was.

It's just the fact it's continuing that baffles me really. How can you have the energy to hate someone to that extent when you haven't spoken to them in nearly 5 years?!

I have not spoken a word to someone in 7 years and she is STILL lying about me. Believe me they have horrible lives and nothing else to do. This ones newest (of many) boyfriends even tries to intimidate me. He is a 6ft 4 grown man. No idea whats shes told him about me and I do not care but I feel sad for her that my life takes up space in her head when I don't think about her at all.

Amen. It’s utterly deadly. Be wary of jealous people (particularly jealous women). They are like live grenades, especially when they feel belittled or humiliated by someone else’s success. If they are also nasty and spiteful by nature, on top of the jealousy, god help you. There is literally nothing they won’t do - no line they won’t cross.

There's so many useless research studies out there, I wish they'd research this sort of thing. 😂

In mum's social group, when they were around 60, one woman spread rumours about another - that her son's father was not his bio father. (The father had died ages before).

I won't bore you with the details but the rumour spreader did get thrown out of the group. Then when she saw her victim in the gym, she had a massive go at her and blamed her for making her lose friends.

Mum is now 84 and the rumour spreader has apologised and kind of worked her back to some social redemption. But I still can't think what possessed her! I didn't know her at the time this was happening. Now she just comes across a nice lady to me, but knowing she did this really weirds me out.

It's crazy, isn't it?

I just can't imagine thinking about anyone else like that or wanting to destroy them in some way.

I don't wish ill on someone who's wronged me, I certainly wouldn't wish ill on some I just don't like for some arbitrary reason.

I just stay away from them.

Out of interest, how do you know she wishes ill on you?

i can’t fathom how a group of adults this age have the time (or inclination) to engage in all this rumours, and who fancies who, and who’s giving someone the evil eye, and who’s got it in for you.

It seems all seems so year 8 early teen girls

I have similar ish with a work colleague. She just doesn't like me (granted she doesn't have to).
But the undermining me, wanting to feel superiority & snarky comments are wearing thin.
Why does she do it ? No idea 🤷‍♀️

The OP has explained that already.