Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex won't move out

64 replies

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 11:42

Hi I'm new here, I was with my ex 3 years and he moved in 2 years ago, he then moved his 10 year old child in permanently and has me do his childcare i have 2 kids of my own. I broke up with him about 3 months ago because the relationship was unhappy and toxic and I just felt more of a babysitter than anything else. the house is completely mine but he won't move out and feel bad kicking a 10 year old out so I don't know what to do .

OP posts:
CleaningOutMyCloset · 06/02/2023 11:45

I presume you're not married?

If so, give him a deadline date, put it in writing and tell him if he's not out of the house by that date you will inform the police who will remove him.

He's playing on your feelings for his dc, they are not your responsibility, give him a few weeks to move out, if he doesn't inform the police and they will remove him.

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 11:46

No we are not married he's just very manipulative and makes me feel bad for his child

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 06/02/2023 11:47

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 11:46

No we are not married he's just very manipulative and makes me feel bad for his child

It’s nice that you are more concerned about his child than he is but you have to either cope with your guilt or let them both continue to live with you.
Those are the choices

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 11:53

The atmosphere in the house is unbearable, I tell him to go every day and it's like I'm talking in another language

OP posts:
DrMarciaFieldstone · 06/02/2023 11:55

Give him a date and tell him you will go to see a lawyer if he doesn’t stick to it. Ignore any emotional blackmail, it’s his responsibility to house his child

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 11:58

I have told him he has one month to leave or im going to have to change the locks

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 06/02/2023 12:01

Has he paid rent? If not just change the locks next time they are out and collect up his possessions to handover when the police arrive (he will call them but the police won't make you take him back).

Sorry but you're going to have to rip the sticking plaster off and take action.

You know full well he won't be gone until you do.

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:04

We split the bills in half as we both work but i do his childcare, all chores ect. But i can manage financially on my own as I like to be independent

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:08

He can go and live with his parents but he refuses because he wants to stay in this area he also won't contact emergency housing because he will have to give up his job to take care of his child.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 06/02/2023 12:10

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:08

He can go and live with his parents but he refuses because he wants to stay in this area he also won't contact emergency housing because he will have to give up his job to take care of his child.

none of those things are your problem

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:15

Yes I have told him that. I don't like the confrontation I have terrible anxiety after my 7 year old passed away a year ago. And I find it difficult to be tough

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 12:16

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:08

He can go and live with his parents but he refuses because he wants to stay in this area he also won't contact emergency housing because he will have to give up his job to take care of his child.

I can fully see your dilemma in terms of his child, but unfortunately his child has him as a father for life, and you can't do much to save him from that without sacrificing yourself and your DC into the bargain.

If his DC has grandparents that can take him in, let him take that option.

Change the locks, if they have somewhere to go I wouldn't give him the benefit of a months notice. Pack their things, let him know that he can collect them at xx time on xx date, arrange for a playdate for your DC and if he tries anything call the police.

You could write his DC a letter and pop it in with their things to say that you hope things work out for them and they are a good person, and none of this is their fault, if you felt that was appropriate.

illtakeit · 06/02/2023 12:16

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:15

Yes I have told him that. I don't like the confrontation I have terrible anxiety after my 7 year old passed away a year ago. And I find it difficult to be tough

I'm so sorry OP.

GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 12:17

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:15

Yes I have told him that. I don't like the confrontation I have terrible anxiety after my 7 year old passed away a year ago. And I find it difficult to be tough

I'm so sorry, and can absolutely appreciate this must be so painful for you, what a difficult situation. Can you get any support yourself in order to get you through this?

KangarooKenny · 06/02/2023 12:18

Change the locks when he is out and leave his stuff on the front. His child is not your responsibility, and he has somewhere to go. Do not let him manipulate you any more.

Pearlygates · 06/02/2023 12:19

Call the police and they will remove him from your property. I'd change the locks as well just in case he doesn't give up his key or made spares!! Sometimes these men can get crazy.

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:19

Yes my family are very supportive and my mother is holding back from getting involved and literally throwing him on the curb, as I was hoping to do it a more mature way so not to upset the children

OP posts:
illtakeit · 06/02/2023 12:21

Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:19

Yes my family are very supportive and my mother is holding back from getting involved and literally throwing him on the curb, as I was hoping to do it a more mature way so not to upset the children

No need to be mature anymore as you've given him ample notice. Now it's time to use force. The child can go their nans. And he can go to hell.

Christmaspyjamas · 06/02/2023 12:22

He will sort himself out but he won't do it til you force it.

It must be very hard to be tough but there aren't words we can give you to say that will make him be reasonable.

We are all here to support you.

Wish I could do more.

billy1966 · 06/02/2023 12:24

Pearlygates · 06/02/2023 12:19

Call the police and they will remove him from your property. I'd change the locks as well just in case he doesn't give up his key or made spares!! Sometimes these men can get crazy.

This.

His child is not your responsibility.

Please get the police involved today.

Call your mother and family to help.

You poor woman.

Your other children do not deserve to have this loser user in their home.

Get him out today.

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:26

Thank you all so much I appreciate your advice 😊

OP posts:
rogueone · 06/02/2023 12:28

you need to think about your own children, he isn't moving out so all you are doing is delaying the inevitable. Let your mum help you, tell his parents to come and pick up his child so the throwing out isn't when they are in the house.

You need to make a stand now...this is so unfair for all the kids involved.

Original poster
Anon232323 · 06/02/2023 12:30

Yes I have messaged him a deadline of 3 weeks to leave this morning and if he does not find a house then he is definitely going back to his parents, I don't need to pack his stuff as I did that already a few weeks ago hoping it would make him go.

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 06/02/2023 12:34

Well done! In your head visualise that day, what you will do, who you can speak to on the day if you have a wobble....visualise the small details and stick to the plan. Well done.

Pinkbonbon · 06/02/2023 12:39

Assuming the child's mother isn't in the picture?
Or his parents? If so, I'd tell them that the child isn't to come back to your property and that their dad is going to be forcibly removed soon if he doesn't leave so you don't want the child seeing that.

And tbh op, call the police. Get your family round and tell him he has an hour to pack and leave or the police will be called. And follow through. Fuck waiting a month, if he has not gone in 3, he won't in 1. You need to show you will take action.

Leave the house to make the call incase they say they can't come soon. You can always go back and tell him they are on their way so he feels the need to scarper fast.

Be sure to tell the police you feel threatened by him and unsafe.