Is this acceptable?

[greeneyedgirl]

My soon to be ex has just texted me to say that he cannot have DD this weekend as his alcoholic father is coming back home from abroad and he has to be with his Mum in case he kicks off.

Maybe I sound unreasonable (he has used his father as an excuse many times before), but his Mum is a grown woman and has chosen to stay with this man and refuses to face the situation.

My DD is 3 yrs old and clearly isn't her father's priority and it meakes me angry and sad and just achey inside. He still wants her for one day as he can't have her the following w/e (but says he won't tell me why).

I have told him no as he is usually in a foul/withdrawn mood after a run in with his father, but he says he won't take no for an answer and that he HAS to have her on Sun because HE needs to. But I would rather he had her when he can spend proper quality time with her. I really feel that she should be put first. Am I being a bitch?

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cut him some slack, sounds like he's got heaps to deal with.

it is putting her first to let her see her Dad as often as possible, refusing to give in to his requests is about your feelings, not hers

Sounds like he's trying to please everyone, and can't please anyone. I'd cut him a bit of slack; he's in a difficult situation.

YANBU to be disapointed that he doesn't see her as a priority but if he is able to see her at all then you should let him.

however you both feel she loves her dad and wants to see him im sure.

if you refuse it is because your not putting her first as well

it's difficult to put your feelings to one side though, and to separate what you think (rightly) would be the best for your daughter from what is on offer, realistically

you are not bein ga bitch.
but you cannot dictate to him what he does with her when he has her. how he spends their time together etc,

Yes he is and he knows just how to make me feel guilty for it. Usually he says "jump" and I say "how high"?

He doesn't do anything for DD, like I am potty training her and have to supply to him the potty, toilet seat and all underwear as he won't buy anything. Also a few weekends ago he lied about having a tummy bug so he wouldn't have to have her (I found out cos he sent a text to me by accident thanking someone for a great time and wrote on his FB page about how many cocktails he was having the night he was "ill")!!

If I really thought he was so bloody hard done by, of course it wouldn't bother me, but thus far I have bent over backwards to accommodate his needs and requests where access is concerned (possibly moaned a bit, but still have been v flexible). Last week he threatened to "claim" money from me as the divorce is costing him too much and he says it is all my fault. Not only that, but every time DD comes back from him her behaviour is dreadful for at least 2-3 days after.

He treats me like an idiot all the time and talks to me like a child, and to be honest I am at my wits end. I am in a new (month)relationship, but can't tell him as last time he went mad and stopped maintenance payments as well as leaving vile messages on the ex b/f phone. Just wish he'd cut me some sodding slack!

he wont cut you any slack. why should he? as far as he is concerned, you are the root of all evil.
you can cut yourself some slack by ignoring him and his little tantrums. if he doesnt want her, then feel happy you have the extra time with her. if he has her, then be glad for her sake that she gets to spend time with her father, and you get a break. but dont let him dictate to you how you feel or who you should see. thats when he wins.
well done for ditching him

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Thanks for the advice ladies, all went a bit bizarre tonight, but I will have to update 2moz as i must sleep!