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Original poster

He was scrolling through bumble during our date

62 replies

Anotherdatingfail · 05/02/2023 08:00

Went on a first date yesterday, had a few drinks and a bite to eat, and I thought things were going well.

Towards the end of the date, when I was walking back from the ladies, I could see he was scrolling through bumble on his phone :-/

I feel like this is disrespectful, and I’m a bit upset that he was looking for alternative options whilst we were still out. Having said that, I am at the point with dating where I’m questioning my own judgement on situations!

Would you be ok with this?

OP posts:
MrsBunnyEars · 05/02/2023 08:02

Nope, it’s not OK at all! On to the next….

Fuckstix · 05/02/2023 08:07

No. Even if he's not interested (if he was he wouldn't be doing this) then it was indiscreet and rude. At least you know not to bother with him again. It's odd, online dating. People seem to think that normal conventions of manners and considering others' feelings do not apply.

cunderthunt1 · 05/02/2023 08:08

😳

TibetanTerrah · 05/02/2023 08:11

Did you say anything? I think if I seen that walking back from the ladies I'd have walked out and stiffed him with the bill!

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 08:11

If he was looking at other women, then it's really insulting, but I don't suppose (probably naively) he was looking at your profile so he could remember things about you that you liked, so he could discuss them.

I'm being naive aren't I?

liveforsummer · 05/02/2023 08:11

Was he definitely not checking your profile? If not then it's definitely not ok

aspoonfulofshoulda · 05/02/2023 08:12

Wow!!! What a cheek!

liveforsummer · 05/02/2023 08:14

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 08:11

If he was looking at other women, then it's really insulting, but I don't suppose (probably naively) he was looking at your profile so he could remember things about you that you liked, so he could discuss them.

I'm being naive aren't I?

Cross post, but I know I frequently check back not just to see what someone likes but also men frequently say stuff that are at odds with what they posted so to stop you doubting your memory. In this scenario I might well quickly look

Original poster
Anotherdatingfail · 05/02/2023 08:15

He was on the page where you can see all the people who have swiped right on you already (it’s an upgraded version of the app).

He paid for the drinks at the bar we went to first, I paid for the food at the restaurant. Then this happened as we were getting ready to leave.

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 05/02/2023 08:18

Throw him back. He was doing it publicly.

RudsyFarmer · 05/02/2023 08:19

MrsBunnyEars · 05/02/2023 08:02

Nope, it’s not OK at all! On to the next….

He’s already mentally moved on to the next one.

ShandaLear · 05/02/2023 08:19

I wouldn’t get too worked up about this. You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend and until you’ve had the ‘exclusive’ talk you’re not exclusive. He was less discreet that he could have been, but really, OLD is a numbers game and you should have 3 or 4 people you’re taking to/setting up dates with, as I’m sure he has too. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket after 1 date. I treated OLD as a chance to meet some people I wouldn’t have met otherwise, and found my now DP early on, but I still dated for a month or two until we decided that we wanted to not see other people.

Andrelaxzz · 05/02/2023 08:20

Well at least you have saved yourself of wasting anymore time!

Paturday · 05/02/2023 08:21

I would have said something - no skin in the game on a first date, embarrass him then walk away 😄 what a twat!

Fuckstix · 05/02/2023 08:50

ShandaLear · 05/02/2023 08:19

I wouldn’t get too worked up about this. You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend and until you’ve had the ‘exclusive’ talk you’re not exclusive. He was less discreet that he could have been, but really, OLD is a numbers game and you should have 3 or 4 people you’re taking to/setting up dates with, as I’m sure he has too. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket after 1 date. I treated OLD as a chance to meet some people I wouldn’t have met otherwise, and found my now DP early on, but I still dated for a month or two until we decided that we wanted to not see other people.

The point isn't that he's still going on the app after one date. It's that he's doing it on the date itself. It shows a lack of interest and presence on the date. He's not sufficiently keen to concentrate on the real person in front of him. Fine. Also not polite enough to at least hide that until they've gone their separate ways and can swipe away to his heart's content. Not so fine.

Fuckstix · 05/02/2023 08:51

OK not literally in front of him as she had left the table but still. The person at hand.

WimpoleHat · 05/02/2023 08:52

You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend and until you’ve had the ‘exclusive’ talk you’re not exclusive.

I can just about buy this as modern mores linked to onlinne dating. But surely to God she can expect to be “exclusive” for the time she’s actually out on a date with this man? Completely disrespectful.

FindingMeno · 05/02/2023 08:54

Dodged a bullet there, op.
Off he trots.
You're worth more than that.

Original poster
Anotherdatingfail · 05/02/2023 08:59

Thanks for all the replies.

Completely understand that we aren’t exclusive, and fully expect that he is chatting to others online, which is fine, you have to accept that as part of online dating.

I thought he could have resisted temptation for just the few hours that we were out together though!

Also, meant to add on my last reply, no I didn’t say anything at the time. I didn’t know what to say in that moment, and I didn’t know if I was justified in feeling that way.

OP posts:
PaterPower · 05/02/2023 08:59

Even if he wasn’t that in to you, there’s a basic level of respect which anyone should be able to expect. And he’s not extended that to you.

If he’s discourteous on a first date, (where, presumably, he’s trying his best to make an impression), then what’s he going to be like after a few months when he thinks he needn’t bother?

THisbackwithavengeance · 05/02/2023 09:00

I think the "kids in a sweet shop" is always a useful description of men's behaviour when online dating.

So much choice..so little time...

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 09:05

Anotherdatingfail · 05/02/2023 08:59

Thanks for all the replies.

Completely understand that we aren’t exclusive, and fully expect that he is chatting to others online, which is fine, you have to accept that as part of online dating.

I thought he could have resisted temptation for just the few hours that we were out together though!

Also, meant to add on my last reply, no I didn’t say anything at the time. I didn’t know what to say in that moment, and I didn’t know if I was justified in feeling that way.

You acted how most of us would. It's only afterwards that I think of the great quips that I could / should have said. Like saying "yeah, I'm going to be looking elsewhere too" when you saw him.

He was rude, plain and simple. That's on him and not a reflection on you.

Theunamedcat · 05/02/2023 09:06

Is bumble the one where you can leave feedback? There used to be one and the men would leave feedback like great night 😏 and the women would leave feedback like clearly has a lot on the go not looking for a ltr 😮‍💨

Piffle11 · 05/02/2023 09:21

Would you be ok with this?

Surely you don't have to ask???

He thinks you're not good enough. He's looking for someone 'better'. And he can't even be decent enough to wait until after your date.

Craftycorvid · 05/02/2023 09:25

I would be furious. It doesn’t matter a jot whether it’s date one or date twenty one, that is arrogant and rude. He’s shown you who he is. Unless I had left my coat or bag at the table, I’d not even have bothered with a goodbye. Or I’d have walked up behind him, wished him well with his onward search and left. What a catch!

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