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Original poster

BF wants to have sex with other women

102 replies

Megan4921 · 03/02/2023 10:26

So I have been with my BF (M34) for 3 years now and our relationship as well as sex life has been great, He was a virgin and never been in a relationship before he met me so he was a late bloomer. His reasoning was that he was just shy and too introverted, He also worked a lot of hours and was very career focused. I really want kids and so does he. He has a very good paying job, handsome, tall, intelligant and he would make a great father but the other day he said that he wished that he explored having casual sex. I've had FWBs in the past and done casual sex but he hasnt.

He then said that he wants to explore a bit and experience having sex with other women before he gets married and has kids.

I was gutted when he said that because im 34 and I would like at least two kids but im worried that I wont find the right man. I could become a single mummy by choice but that costs money and I also want my kids to have a father figure.

I've also noticed that a lot of the sucessful attractive men my age who want something serious tend to go for younger women and many men in thier 30s are already in relationships.

OP posts:
HappySonHappyMum · 03/02/2023 15:58

I've slept with one person - my husband - that's it. I've been with him since I was 17 - over 30 years. Didn't want to sleep with anyone else because I'd found the 'one'. He doesn't feel like that. So let him toddle off and sow his wild oats while you pack up your self respect and find someone who deserves you.

TheOGCCL · 03/02/2023 16:01

I think he's broken up with you. Either way this isn't the behaviour of a loving partner who wants to be with you forever.

Suprima · 03/02/2023 16:04

I know a couple of male older virgins who married/are going to marry their very first girlfriends. Because they loved them, they were enough, they weren’t thinking of the grass being greener.

You are not enough for him. Instead of cherishing you, he wants to fuck about.

let him. Fuckity bye. And don’t wait for him.

this man is not your friend

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 03/02/2023 16:07

OP You can't bring children into a relationship that is fucked before they are even born. Come on. Dump him. He's not for you

SpaceshiptoMars · 03/02/2023 16:07

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2023 15:01

I'd like to know what would have magically changed in 3 years to make that so

Sounds like OP fucked the confidence into him.

OP, this one is a dud. Dump and run. Unless he's actually already dumped you. It's unclear.

Dump him and watch that confidence fizzle back out.

Stay and watch yourself turn into a shadow of your former self.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/02/2023 16:10

Tell him to fuck who he likes but he can fuck off away from you first

2023newyearnewname · 03/02/2023 16:15

@Megan4921

Don't you mean your EX BF wants to have sex with other women. Walk away, don't look back.

Good luck with a better future without him.

Cocobutt · 03/02/2023 16:17

Interesting that you don't really seem sad about losing him, more that he's good on paper and you might not find anyone else to have kids with?

I agree!

HermioneKipper · 03/02/2023 16:21

My husband was my first and although there’ve been times when I wished I sowed my wild oats a bit more (usually if we’ve had a row of times are drudgy with work and kids 🤣) I’d never have leave him or cheat because of this as I love him.

This bloke clearly doesn’t love you enough or he wouldn’t be saying this.

id be telling him to get stuffed and crack on. I’d hate to be in a relationship with someone who had one eye on the door.

Ive got a friend who’s 37 who met a guy last year who’s wonderful and they’re now engaged with a baby on the way. You can do it!

IcedPurple · 03/02/2023 16:33

TiaraBoo · 03/02/2023 12:08

He then said that he wants to explore a bit and experience having sex with other women before he gets married and has kids.

So is he breaking up with you?

That's how I read it too.

MummyJ36 · 03/02/2023 16:52

I’d let him go. It will never leave him unfortunately even if he loves you and he settles down. I know at 34 you feel like this is a real “crunch time” moment but you do have time to meet someone and as settle down. You can have two kids in two years if you really want to!

I have a friend whose boyfriend (now husband) did this to her. He ended up cheating on her and it crushed her but because she loved him she took him back after he’d had his “fun”. I never knew how she managed that. It would have been a total dealbreaker for me.

allworkandnofun · 03/02/2023 16:52

I have realised i am missing something from my life and i think it is a female i need as i am lonely and want some affection and love.
The problem is where do i start to find what i am looking for as i work shifts 3 on 3 off days and night shift and am 50 years old.
I have seen the dating sites and am thinking of joining one but which is the best for me, i am looking for a woman around 40 to 46 years old with a good sense of humour and similar to my position looking for fwb to start with and if anything more develops from this that would be great.
Also am i okay putting this on my dating site profile or would you word it differently as to not put future partner off meeting me.
Please help any advise is welcome.

Wetblanket78 · 03/02/2023 16:59

He's just not ready to settle down yet like you are. It's understandable if you are his first serious relationship. He doesn't feel like like he's the single life yet like you have.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/02/2023 17:02

So are these your alternatives?

A - He wants an 'open relationship' with both of you free to shag around

B - He wants you to stay monogamous whilst he 'sows his wild oats'

C - He wants to end the relationship completely

A and B would be a 'no go' for me. C would be the only acceptable alternative as far as I was concerned.

I mean, I guess I can understand the 'curiosity' factor and at least you are married. I have a couple of friends who married their 'first and only' or had only a couple of relationships and for whatever reason lated wished they'd played around a little more. But it never would have occurred to either of them to ask for permission to, um, 'gain a little experience'.

Naunet · 03/02/2023 17:08

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 15:47

"How many 50 year old men do you see running around with girls in their 20s in the real world?"

Naunet · Today 15:38 I am really surprised you think my post is man hating.

  • in response to the above, the answer is "just as many girls in their 20s who want to / are prepared to sleep with/have a relationship with a man in their 50s" which is a lot lot more women in their 20s than you think
  • Even if they end up with women closer in age to them, I still think the evidence bears it out that most men would ideally end up with someone 11 - 15 years younger than you

Ideally we’d all end up with millionaire underwear models, with the morals of a saint - women and men alike, but that’s not real life.

It’s ridiculous to tell a woman in her early 30s that she must lower her standards, fuck that noise!

Blessedwithsunshine · 03/02/2023 17:13

Op I would be hurt - having introduced sexuality into his life and investing 3 important years in terms of your biology in to the relationship only to discover this bombshell.
Don’t waste another second on him, finish with him and move on, find someone that cares about fidelity and is ready to commit.

You have time if you start now.

Closetbeanmuncher · 03/02/2023 17:16

So he wasn’t interested in “exploring” when he was single, but is now that he’s in a relationship?

Hmmmmmm…🤔

IntentionalError · 03/02/2023 17:21

I can absolutely understand where he is coming from. If I had ended up married to my first sexual partner, there is no way I could possibly have remained faithful. The curiosity about having sex with other people and the feeling that I had missed out on a normal, healthy part of being young would have overwhelmed me, and probably sooner rather than later.
This man isn’t ready to settle down and he is telling OP that very clearly. She should listen to him.

Bertha21 · 03/02/2023 17:25

If you want different things let him go. He sounds immature but kind of understandable. You however don’t need him holding you back from children when your ready.

BadNomad · 03/02/2023 17:26

I don't think his age matters here. This is this man's first relationship in life. He doesn't have enough experience in relationships to know if you are the "one" for him, or if this is even a good relationship with a long-term future. I actually think he is being wise to recognise this, rather than committing to starting a family then realising later down the road that he was wrong.

AgentJohnson · 03/02/2023 17:35

He either wants to break up or he’s looking for free passes, either way he’s not mature enough to be up front about it. He’s a coward for expecting you to volunteer the free passes or to end the relationship.

I suspect he’s ‘good dad’ material in your eyes because he’s the only sperm donor on the horizon.

TattoedLady · 03/02/2023 18:07

He wants to explore a bit and experience having sex with other women before he gets married and has kids.

Wave goodbye, wish him well and one really itchy STI on his sexplorations, and get out there and find the man who wants to explore marriage and kids...with you.

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 03/02/2023 18:41

Very odd your opening post doesn't once mention how devastated you feel losing the person you thought was for life or how you love him etc. Nothing. More like he was a box ticker more than anything.

"He has a very good paying job, handsome, tall, intelligant and he would make a great father" tick, tick, tick

You can't continue your relationship either way, your bf wants to slag about, he'd only cheat if you did stay together. Yes at 34 you aren't young for meeting and marrying (if that's what you want) then having kids, but you're hardly at the point of desperate sperm donor lady!

CantAskAnyoneElse · 03/02/2023 18:57

I would be hurt - having introduced sexuality into his life

Why would this be hurtfull to you?

ZenNudist · 03/02/2023 18:59

Nasty piece of work. Dump before he steals the last of your fertile years