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Original poster

BF wants to have sex with other women

102 replies

Megan4921 · 03/02/2023 10:26

So I have been with my BF (M34) for 3 years now and our relationship as well as sex life has been great, He was a virgin and never been in a relationship before he met me so he was a late bloomer. His reasoning was that he was just shy and too introverted, He also worked a lot of hours and was very career focused. I really want kids and so does he. He has a very good paying job, handsome, tall, intelligant and he would make a great father but the other day he said that he wished that he explored having casual sex. I've had FWBs in the past and done casual sex but he hasnt.

He then said that he wants to explore a bit and experience having sex with other women before he gets married and has kids.

I was gutted when he said that because im 34 and I would like at least two kids but im worried that I wont find the right man. I could become a single mummy by choice but that costs money and I also want my kids to have a father figure.

I've also noticed that a lot of the sucessful attractive men my age who want something serious tend to go for younger women and many men in thier 30s are already in relationships.

OP posts:
ClaudeMyWinkleman · 03/02/2023 14:54

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 14:48

"I'm sure ladies will be throwing themselves at him"

ClaudeMyWinkleman · Today 14:45

To be fair, if he is tall, ok looking and is solvent and employed then yes, lots of women (especially younger) will indeed be throwing themselves at him.

I'd like to know what would have magically changed in 3 years to make that so

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2023 15:01

I'd like to know what would have magically changed in 3 years to make that so

Sounds like OP fucked the confidence into him.

OP, this one is a dud. Dump and run. Unless he's actually already dumped you. It's unclear.

Whiskeypowers · 03/02/2023 15:02

tel hon you have decided you want to be in a relationship with someone who has more sexual experience and knows how to treat a woman with respect

get rid of him and his pathetic Casanova aspirations, he is grossly insulting

Astrabees · 03/02/2023 15:08

Have you thought of trying swinging?

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 15:09

"At a man who has 0 confidence? Nah."

If anyone believed him when he came out with "I have 0 confidence" they are a total idiot.

There could be a million reasons why he was a virgin when he met OP, and lack of confidence will not be one of them especially if he has a good career and as OP says he is not bad looking.

  • living at home with his mum and never thought about doing something different from that
  • in the closet
  • addicted to porn
  • just a basic common or garden liar
  • incredibly lazy and cannot be arsed beyond masterbation
  • working in an environment totally prohibitive to a sexual relationship other than a one night stand which he has not been bothered with
  • asexual (apparently it is a not unusual thing in 2023)
There could be any number of reasons why he has not had sex up until meeting OP. The fact that he decided to start having sex with her is not, of itself, a reason why he would make a good father to her children.

Nah
Back to basics.

He wants to have sex with lots of other people.
If he still wants childrent notwithstanding the above, ask yourself (i) will his genetics give you good children (ii) could you bring those children up alone (if necessary calculate how much you might be entitled to from him in child maintenance via the CSA assuming of course he genuinely does want kids with OP.

Nothing else is relevant. He will be over the horizon before this thread runs out of steam anyway (if OP does not dump him first which is uncertain to me sadly).

TicketBoo23 · 03/02/2023 15:11

because the sucessfull attractive men her age that are single will want a younger woman.

By that rationale a MN a few years older than op might go for her; which has happened in three cases of successful/desirable men I know off the top of my head;

One founded his own business, sold it, millionaire, decided to settle (early 40s I think), settled with a woman who was 36. They had children very quickly.

Other one has good job, good salary, inherited wealth (his brother told me none of them actually needed to work); he was marrying a 33 yr old at 39.

Another met and soon married a guy at 34 with him at 28. He's a (good looking) farmer and rare breed breeder with inherited farm etc. (He turned out to be derogatory to her which is horrible but ...).

You make out like op can't get a other successful man without significant shortcomings but those two women I know did (I'll not include the third because he's a shit but nonetheless she still pulled an eligible bachelor who's younger than her) and there are plenty of other examples.

In celebrity circles, Megan Markle met Prince Harry at 35/36 .... I know there are lots of things going on there but ateotd he was still an extremely eligible bachelor. And he's younger than her.

It's not that cut and dried.

TicketBoo23 · 03/02/2023 15:13

Is he suggesting a two way open relationship or what is he suggesting?

mathanxiety · 03/02/2023 15:18

He's not your boyfriend any more as far as he's concerned. That's what he's saying to you. He's bored, he's got cold feet, he fancies he could do better than you - whatever the reason he has, he's checked out.

Move on with your life. Find someone who is able to commit and isn't just future faking.

Don't become a prisoner of the sunken costs fallacy - I see traces of it in your reference to the three years of the relationship.

Don't be blinkered, don't fool yourself, about the baby thing either. If he's talking about playing the field he's not committed to starting a family with you.

Cut your losses. He's not on the same page as you at all.

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 03/02/2023 15:19

Sounds like OP fucked the confidence into him

😂

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2023 15:21

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 03/02/2023 15:19

Sounds like OP fucked the confidence into him

😂

I said that!

It's a line from Ibiza as well Grin

TicketBoo23 · 03/02/2023 15:21

Another celebrity one just popped into my head ....Ibramivich's ex wife Dash Zulova has recently married a Greek younger shipping tycoon heir, in her lard 30s and had his child.

Not all sucrssfulmor priveleged men 100% go for younger woman.

If they are v attracted to a woman and think she's still got some child bearing years (presuming they want kids and don't already have any kids) , some will not go for younger women.

And, as I've already said, op is still a younger woman to a man late 30s, early 40s etc.

TicketBoo23 · 03/02/2023 15:23

mathanxiety · 03/02/2023 15:18

He's not your boyfriend any more as far as he's concerned. That's what he's saying to you. He's bored, he's got cold feet, he fancies he could do better than you - whatever the reason he has, he's checked out.

Move on with your life. Find someone who is able to commit and isn't just future faking.

Don't become a prisoner of the sunken costs fallacy - I see traces of it in your reference to the three years of the relationship.

Don't be blinkered, don't fool yourself, about the baby thing either. If he's talking about playing the field he's not committed to starting a family with you.

Cut your losses. He's not on the same page as you at all.

Agree.

Plus even if you open up your relationship or give him a few months or even years of a hall pass, how do you know he won't end up settling with a other women he meets during that.

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 03/02/2023 15:27

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2023 15:21

I said that!

It's a line from Ibiza as well Grin

Show quote history

Lol I know, the quoting hasn't worked properly.

Consider your comment now doubly appreciated.

Landndialamrhf · 03/02/2023 15:28

Yah he was doing really well before you so it should work out for him.
he sounds like a catch

let him go.
if you dump him tonight, who knows who you’ll meet tomorrow.

cracktheshutters · 03/02/2023 15:29

Whiskeypowers · 03/02/2023 15:02

tel hon you have decided you want to be in a relationship with someone who has more sexual experience and knows how to treat a woman with respect

get rid of him and his pathetic Casanova aspirations, he is grossly insulting

Yes to this one ^ cheeky b@stard! cut and run, better 3 years wasted than even longer if he leaves or cheats!

Egglantina · 03/02/2023 15:31

Off he fucks then.

Genevieva · 03/02/2023 15:32

He sounds extremely immature. It isn't your fault he was a late bloomer. Either he understands that love involves commitment or he doesn't. If he doesn't then he doesn't really love you enough and you should leave him now.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 03/02/2023 15:35

For gods sake
He's telling you that he wants to shag around
Get rid of him before you get hurt 😞

MotherOfPuffling · 03/02/2023 15:36

At least he had told you now, before you have children together and are stuck either on your own or with a man who cheats (speaking from experience here and yes I’m still bitter)

Naunet · 03/02/2023 15:38

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 14:31

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · Today 14:10

Its not depressing. It is life.
The vast majority of men who find they tick some of the basic boxes which women who want to have a baby would have (is solvent, is reasonably not even very physically fit, is taller than the woman and has average or above looks) is going to want to sleep around and continue to sleep around, even if they have children with you.

And those men also know that if it does not work out with you (even if you have kids) provided they still tick those boxes, there will always be younger woman out there literally gagging to have babies who they can get together with very easily.

Jesus Christ, what a man hating load of bollocks. Take a look around you in the real world, most women at all stages of life are with men roughly around the same age as them. Not all men are shallow, uncommitted dogs you know? How many 50 year old men do you see running around with girls in their 20s in the real world?

OP, I left a man when I was in my early 30s, didn’t for one second lower my standards, I know what I’m worth and you should too.

Always4Brenner · 03/02/2023 15:41

Dump the tosser move on he wants sex with other s get rid.

PeekAtYou · 03/02/2023 15:42

It's good that he told you now because you have time to find a man who is ready for commitment. In so many stories on here, he would have cheated on you while pg or dumped you aftrr the engagement then had a baby quickly with the next woman. Let him go- he's not right for you any more and never will be because he'll always wonder about what sex is like with another woman.

bigbabycooker · 03/02/2023 15:43

Well it sounds as if settling down would be the pragmatic choice for you, rather than burning passion and that he hasn't had the option to do burning passion.

So maybe just not that compatible.

You're not too old to look elsewhere - better than being with someone who is always wondering. At least he has been honest.

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 15:47

"How many 50 year old men do you see running around with girls in their 20s in the real world?"

Naunet · Today 15:38 I am really surprised you think my post is man hating.

  • in response to the above, the answer is "just as many girls in their 20s who want to / are prepared to sleep with/have a relationship with a man in their 50s" which is a lot lot more women in their 20s than you think
  • Even if they end up with women closer in age to them, I still think the evidence bears it out that most men would ideally end up with someone 11 - 15 years younger than you
Choconut · 03/02/2023 15:51

So he managed to get to 31 without ever getting laid but now that he's had you for a bit he fancies himself as a bit of a Jack the lad? He didn't do the decent thing and end the relationship though, oh no, he'd like to keep you around while he finds out if there's anything better out there. What an arsehole.

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