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Relationships

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Original poster

BF wants to have sex with other women

102 replies

Megan4921 · 03/02/2023 10:26

So I have been with my BF (M34) for 3 years now and our relationship as well as sex life has been great, He was a virgin and never been in a relationship before he met me so he was a late bloomer. His reasoning was that he was just shy and too introverted, He also worked a lot of hours and was very career focused. I really want kids and so does he. He has a very good paying job, handsome, tall, intelligant and he would make a great father but the other day he said that he wished that he explored having casual sex. I've had FWBs in the past and done casual sex but he hasnt.

He then said that he wants to explore a bit and experience having sex with other women before he gets married and has kids.

I was gutted when he said that because im 34 and I would like at least two kids but im worried that I wont find the right man. I could become a single mummy by choice but that costs money and I also want my kids to have a father figure.

I've also noticed that a lot of the sucessful attractive men my age who want something serious tend to go for younger women and many men in thier 30s are already in relationships.

OP posts:

Christmaspyjamas · 03/02/2023 12:11

He's not emotionally mature enough to be a father so that's him ruled out.

34 is by no means at all too old to meet someone and have a family so put that out of your mind.

Get mingling x

ZekeZeke · 03/02/2023 12:18

Boyfriend needs to be dumped.

Takeitonthechin · 03/02/2023 12:28

Something similar happened to a friend of mine, she'd been promiscuous in her late teens & 20s, she met a guy, he'd not had a GF before her also.
They dated for a few years, got engaged and he started cheating on her. He couldn't stand it that she'd had past sexual relationships, he was jealous and this I think led him to cheat.
She found it very upsetting, in the end she dumped him, worked abroad and met her husband, I believe the guy who cheated on her lived to regret it.
Your best bet is to let him go, if you're meant to be together, he will soon realise and be back, if not, at least you got out & can find someone who loves you as much as you love them.

Eleganz · 03/02/2023 13:02

Time to end it:

He wants to explore sexually and he is much better off being single to do that and you clearly don't want him to do that while you are in a relationship.
It does seem that you are with him because he meets the checklist and in your mid-30s you seem more focussed on getting the family you want rather than the quality of the actually relationship - this will lead to misery down the line.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/02/2023 13:10

Set him free I’d say !
he won’t be as successful as he thinks
but if that’s what he wants this hasn’t got legs

are you with him because you love him
or because of the (no blame from me ) biological clock ?

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/02/2023 13:13

Have some fucking self-respect and dump him! He's just told you he's not going to be faithful, no child should be brought into such an environment. Dump him and move on.

Sorry if you find this blunt and nasty, but I don't want to give even the slightest impression that you should put up with this, or think you're 'throwing away 3 years' or similar. Don't even think to stay with him because of the past three years, be angry - furious! - with him and tell him he's wasted your precious time.

Blablablablaba · 03/02/2023 13:15

Seriously, he's an absolute chancer. The fact u didn't end it, are you considering letting him?

I've never been with anyone else but my husband, I met him when I was 17. I love him and I've honestly never been bothered about having sez with anyone else. If he loves u it shouldn't matter!

You could always break up and if you don't meet anyone else then maybe it will work out on a few years time.

Obviously time isn't on your side if you wants 2 kids. You could literally meet someone tomorrow though u never know. Let him go!

Whataretheodds · 03/02/2023 13:20

Unless you want an open relationship (I'm guessing he won't be up for you shagging other men) then I'd ask him if he's saying he wants to break up, and unless he emphatically says he doesn't want that then let him go.

You have time and potential to meet someone who wants kids with you. This one doesn't sound as though he is angling to start a family with you or committing to doing so in the next couple of years anyway.

One option is to explore different angles to your sex life but if he's got it into his head that he wants to experience other women then i think that would be delaying the inevitable.

PuzzledObserver · 03/02/2023 13:32

ex-BF, you mean?

and29ineachleapyear · 03/02/2023 13:46

I reckon he's going to break up with you and was laying the groundwork. Sorry to say it so bluntly. I'd get in there first if I were you. A man who openly says to his girlfriend that he wants to sleep around is not someone you want to have children with.

Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2023 13:46

So he’s told you he wants to cheat on you basically
Why haven’t you dumped him yet?

3peassuit · 03/02/2023 13:49

Time to cut him loose.

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 13:54

Not read the whole thread but I have read the OP.

OP if you try to force this (i.e. insist he has children with you, with or without him having first (or at the same time) sleeping with other women) my guess is

he will have children with you
he will "cheat" on you either after having children with you or at the same time as having children with you
he might have money and be handsome etc but he will almost certainly leave you and he might but might not be a good father to any children you have with him.

With a risk of being cynical, ask yourself, if you end up with a child/children and (at best) child maintenance from him but no other input to raising that child would you be ok with that? According to you he is tall intelligent and handsome, so any kids you have might get that.
His lack of experience and wanting to sleep around now suggests to me there is almost zero chance he is going to be faithful only to you and stick around on an exclusive basis to be a hands on / present father to any kids you have with him.

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 13:56

Oh and you are right that men very often go for women who are much younger than them. They also have a more or less blank cheque to continue to do that as they get older as it is socially acceptable for the woman to be much younger so they have lots to pick from (especially if they are financially secure) as lots of younger women are desperate to have babies.

Sorry but that is life. Men are, generally speaking, like that.

Deathbyfluffy · 03/02/2023 13:57

Jesus, time to let this one go.
As someone who was a single man in their 30s, there's plenty of us who want to find a nice woman also in her 30s to have a family with - you'll need to put in some legwork, but we're out there!
Not all men in their 30s want a woman in their 20s - personally I find the younger, immature attitude of a lot of 20-somethings incredibly irritating.

Now happily married to DW and knocking on 40. Good luck.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 03/02/2023 14:10

Odin11 · 03/02/2023 11:55

@LorW But shes 34, She could still find a man but she'll have to lower her standards a bit because the sucessfull attractive men her age that are single will want a younger woman.

Although there are plenty of nice blokes her age who might not have good paying jobs, might be bald, might be short etc who have not had good luck with women but would like to find someone to start a family with

How depressing!

WinterFoxes · 03/02/2023 14:25

I knew a man who 'wasn't ready' to settle down with his first girlfriend and they agreed to have a break for a year. He went off around the world, had loads of flings, came home ready to get back with her and she was already married and pregnant by someone else. He was devastated but she pointed out there was no rule that said he should have fun and she should stay chaste.

I do understand why he thinks this, but it's a risk. I think I'd say OK, let's split up and then make a quick clean break. The worst scenario would be to get married and pregnant and for him then to be unfaithful.

Floralnomad · 03/02/2023 14:28

It doesn’t sound like you are that fussed about him aside from being good breeding material , his plans are obviously different so the answer is to split up.

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 14:31

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · Today 14:10

Its not depressing. It is life.
The vast majority of men who find they tick some of the basic boxes which women who want to have a baby would have (is solvent, is reasonably not even very physically fit, is taller than the woman and has average or above looks) is going to want to sleep around and continue to sleep around, even if they have children with you.

And those men also know that if it does not work out with you (even if you have kids) provided they still tick those boxes, there will always be younger woman out there literally gagging to have babies who they can get together with very easily.

GoodChat · 03/02/2023 14:33

He's not the right person so stop wasting your time. Don't wait around for him to scratch his itch.

9thFloorNightmare · 03/02/2023 14:36

I would split up and seriously get out there and consider other men while he is getting his experiences under his belt.

If he comes back I would then re-consider (providing I haven't met somebody else) but starting from zero as much as possible and let him win me over again

rainbowstardrops · 03/02/2023 14:43

I'd tell him he can go and shag as many women as he wants. At the same time as I kick his arse out of the door.

ClaudeMyWinkleman · 03/02/2023 14:45

Yes all the amazing qualities women would supposedly jump at... Yet he couldn't find anyone who would help him get his dick wet before he met you at 31. (Forgive me the gross term)

Now 3 years in he wants to throw that away, say thank you for giving me the confidence, I'm off to find better. No way, throw him away.

Mid twenties I'd understand but not at 34. Let him crack on, I'm sure ladies will be throwing themselves at him 🙄

millymog11 · 03/02/2023 14:48

"I'm sure ladies will be throwing themselves at him"

ClaudeMyWinkleman · Today 14:45

To be fair, if he is tall, ok looking and is solvent and employed then yes, lots of women (especially younger) will indeed be throwing themselves at him.

GoodChat · 03/02/2023 14:49