Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband cheating with his co-worker who is 21

98 replies

Thatgirlcat · 01/02/2023 21:52

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, he’s 34 and I’m 27. We both work for the NHS, in the same hospital and I recently found out he is cheating on me with a 21 year old. He is a band 6, soon to be band 7 and she is a health care assistant.

Is there anything I can do about it, based on the fact we all work in the same hospital which is quite small. It just frustrates me that he’s applying for band 7 and progressing with his life, whilst laughing in my face about it. Also the girl he’s cheating on knows he’s married with young children!

OP posts:
hungerganes · 02/02/2023 07:26

silverclock222 · 02/02/2023 06:59

Why does, what it seems like, everyone who works for NHS feel the need to add this to their posts? I know, missing point of thread totally. .....

Part of the identity, init?. Some even say: 'I'm NHS' as a full sentence.

Butchyrestingface · 02/02/2023 07:27

GreenBiscuitr · 02/02/2023 07:26

I'd confront her & chuck him out.

Why? They had already split up before this emerged and are getting a divorce.

Dery · 02/02/2023 07:29

“Are you hoping that he will lose his job? Why would you want this? If you're leaving him (which presumably you ARE), surely you want him to be able to afford to move out of the family home and pay a decent amount of maintenance?”

This - from a practical perspective, it really doesn’t help you to screw up his job prospects.

CornishGem1975 · 02/02/2023 07:30

Think very carefully. Destroying his career won't help you and your children in any way.

Northernparent68 · 02/02/2023 07:33

PeachesPudding · 01/02/2023 23:17

One of my very senior colleagues had an affair with a junior in his team. His wife wrote a letter of complaint to our CEO about the company’s poor values. There was a disciplinary. He got a final warning and half his bonus got docked!! Very sensitive environment about the company culture and family values and presumably kept her off twitter etc. She did make a public show of the infidelity, including a moving company delivering all of the guy’s belongings in boxes from home to the office (including a rowing machine 😂) but the company’s name was kept out of the press.

Not sure if the NHS would have the same involvement from a brand perspective.

that helped the wife how ?

Theunamedcat · 02/02/2023 07:42

Northernparent68 · 02/02/2023 07:33

that helped the wife how ?

Show quote history

Made her feel better?

Spidey66 · 02/02/2023 07:43

The only time the NMC would be involved would be if it affected his work performance eg they were caught snogging/snagging in the linen cupboard or he was doing the rota and giving her the best shifts. It would be different if she was a patient.

LadyLolaRuben · 02/02/2023 07:49

Hes not your husband in work hes a colleague. You can only act in work how you act about anyone else in the workplace. I would request this post is taken down in case you are accused of doing something in work that on reflection of reading this you didn't actually do and are wrongfully accused of

ZaphodDent · 02/02/2023 08:03

Butchyrestingface · 02/02/2023 07:27

Why? They had already split up before this emerged and are getting a divorce.

Show quote history

How do you know that? OP hasn't said that?

lacey79 · 02/02/2023 08:19

Its policy in some hospitals you cannot work with someone you are in a relationship with, so department matrons should be aware so they wouldn't be allowed on shift at the same time on the same ward/unit. But beyond that theres nothing much HR will do. As hard as it is you need to put it to one side in the work place.

WhatsitWiggle · 02/02/2023 08:22

You've essentially already split up, I know you're still sharing a home but you talked about separating months ago, and your marriage hasn'tbeen good for years. He's moved on. There's not anything you can do about that.

What most concerns me is that you haven't sought legal advice on the divorce / split of assets and continue to proceed on the basis of 50/50.

cloudydays2 · 02/02/2023 08:24

If you search her username she has threads dated back months ago that they have spilt up and selling the house

Stravaig · 02/02/2023 08:29

Serve him with divorce papers, and sort out child contact and finances.
Inform HR of your change of status, noting his new relationship.

Or are you asking us if you can vengefully shame your DH, get a healthcare assistant sacked, then carry on being happily married to him?
No, you absolutely cannot do that.

KatherineJaneway · 02/02/2023 08:29

Check the HR manual. One place I've worked before does not allow a member of the management team to be in a relationship with someone they manage.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Riverlee · 02/02/2023 08:35

What you can do? You leave him.

SpringtimeCherries · 02/02/2023 08:47

I’d get what you can for yourself, you are both working in the same place and affair is in the same place, so if I were you I’d be open and meet with HR to say that this is putting you under considerable stress. I would use it as a way to get time off - backed up with GP saying that at this time facing them both at work is tipping you into stress and ability to carry out your work.

SpringtimeCherries · 02/02/2023 08:49

Also, it’s a small hospital. If you act well, with dignity, it will be difficult for him as he will be judged. He’s put you in a terrible position and I don’t think you need to say that to anyone else, it will be really obvious.

Activelyannoyed · 02/02/2023 08:51

Thatgirlcat · 02/02/2023 05:50

They both work on the same ward. He is currently a band 6, but soon to become ward manager, so yes he is part of the management team. I know the hospital probably don’t care, it just bothers me that he is in a position of power and abusing it in a way

Really, that’s what bothers you ? Bloke is Cheating. Everyone knows. End it.

illtakeit · 02/02/2023 08:52

GreenBiscuitr · 02/02/2023 07:26

I'd confront her & chuck him out.

Confront her for what???

The only person she needs to confront is her cheating man not the girl.

OP, you've asked if there's anything you can do about it - Yes, get the wheels in motion to get rid of him. All done.

Pearlygates · 02/02/2023 08:54

cloudydays2 · 02/02/2023 08:24

If you search her username she has threads dated back months ago that they have spilt up and selling the house

Really? So why is she posting about this again like it happened yesterday?

I get she's angry and probably wants him to lose his job but she needs to move on!

Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 08:55

Maryquitecontrary55 · 02/02/2023 06:48

I know this is generally frowned upon but I'd probably kick him in the crotch.

🤣🤣🤣

TotallyWhatever · 02/02/2023 08:56

Many NHS Trusts have a ‘relationship at work’ HR policy. Issues are around line management. It won’t help you move on, it’s just the ward manager may ensure they aren’t on shift together etc

Activelyannoyed · 02/02/2023 08:58

Op reading your posts again are you actually thinking to try to get him to stop by reporting him at work?

seriously you need to confront him and end it.

rothbury · 02/02/2023 09:04

Well as you have already split up, it's not unreasonable of him to move on. As PP have said, plenty of people meet their partner at work. He may declare the relationship if he is successful in his promotion and either of them might be moved.

I wouldn't bother "reporting it" as you will look bitter and vengeful. Remember the best revenge is to live well. He's entitled to move on however he wishes and so are you.

Stop focusing on him, and think about yourself and your plans for your future. I am sure it will be much brighter without being in a dead marriage. Flowers

crapplepay · 02/02/2023 09:25

Icanflyhigh · 01/02/2023 22:46

This isn't a work issue, this is a husband issue. Get your ducks in a row, and your evidence and take him to the cleaners.

Agree that it's a husband issue, not a work issue - but it's also yet another example of shit MN "advice".

In a divorce case, there is no need or use for "evidence". The law is the law, and the law is not interested in who has been shagging whom, or not. It makes not the tiniest bit of difference.

"Take him to the cleaners" is only ever good advice if there is so much money swilling around that a couple can afford to blow tens of thousands on lawyers.

I don't particularly see a 34 yr old shagging a 21 yr old in a junior position as an abuse of power. I'm quite sure she was up for it too.

OP, don't give him any more headspace. Just try to move on and forge the best life for yourself.

Swipe left for the next trending thread