Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He slept with his ex, would you continue seeing him?

67 replies

datingsmating · 01/02/2023 17:27

I met a guy at work 8 months ago, we have been out together with the team but its always been a bit flirty between us. We did text every now and again which turned into texting every day. I really do like him.

He has a young child with someone who he admitted broke his heart. They now apparently get on well enough to co parent. She moved back to her home town so live around 100 miles away. He's told me this before we got romantically involved. Recently at a works party we slept together. All seemed to be going well until last night.

We went out for a drink, he basically confessed they slept together a few weeks back, he said it was just a spur of the moment thing. He knows they are not good together and he's ready to move on fully with his life. He told me how much he likes me, how he's focused on me, I feel weird. We slept together 2 weeks after him and his ex. But we are not in a relationship, its very early days. I think its weird he even confessed this. I suppose my question is would you still date this man

OP posts:
orangegato · 01/02/2023 17:28

Yes, due to the honesty and fact you weren’t on paper exclusive. If he does it again fuck no, but I’d let off this once.

Lkydfju · 01/02/2023 17:33

He slept with her before you two did and we’re just talking. Life is complicated and sometimes messy. He didn’t cheat on you and it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to play you both along.

Ofcourseshecan · 01/02/2023 17:36

orangegato · 01/02/2023 17:28

Yes, due to the honesty and fact you weren’t on paper exclusive. If he does it again fuck no, but I’d let off this once.

Me too. Not if it happened again.

JacquotteDelahaye · 01/02/2023 17:37

Yes, he slept with her before you both had sex, he didn't have to tell you as technically it had nothing to do with you. Things get messed up sometimes between exes, people quite often have one last encounter and realise it's a horrendous mistake and hopefully that's what it was, he does sound like he wants to be serious with you.
Any sign of twattery going forward then nope.

dooneyousmugelf · 01/02/2023 17:45

The mistake is that he told you. I'd be questioning what his motivation was with that. Trying to set up some bullshit 'competition' between you and the ex?

Newusernameaug · 01/02/2023 17:47

Yes, I’d also actually be pleased he wanted to share this with me as he’s showing he’s honest and can communicate and talk about differcult things which is rare for most men I meet!

HelpfulJane · 01/02/2023 17:48

Don’t do it…

That relationship is not over between him and his ex believe me.. Plus he has a kid with her who is still quite young.

You’ll always be wondering about their relationship together. The child further complicates the issue.

Again Don’t do it!

Don’t get involve with him ok! You’ll be grateful for it later on.

Best of luck 👍

SleepyRooster · 01/02/2023 17:49

He's not over her, and they have to coparent.

Bit messy. I'd move on.

Original poster
datingsmating · 01/02/2023 17:49

I don't really feel grateful for the fact he's been honest. I feel like if he wanted to move forward he would just file it under big mistake and move on with me. For him to tell me, i'm not sure if he just wanted to talk over their relationship again. I do feel uncomfortable he told me

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 01/02/2023 17:49

I’d forget it and move on. He was honest with you which is great and it happened before you two were physical. If it happened again then I would end it.
How do you feel knowing they will always be in contact with each other?

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 17:50

I wouldn’t go there! Too messy and probably flit between the two of you, surprised so many are saying they would still date him 😣

Original poster
datingsmating · 01/02/2023 17:51

I've never dated a man with a child before so it feels like new ground to me. He is a complete gentleman though, so to try spark a competition doesnt really fit with what I know about him. Thank you for your replies though, i feel like dating is hard work!

OP posts:
MrsMikeDrop · 01/02/2023 17:53

orangegato · 01/02/2023 17:28

Yes, due to the honesty and fact you weren’t on paper exclusive. If he does it again fuck no, but I’d let off this once.

Agree. Sounds like he wants to move in. I'd just be wary that he's still in love with her and it may cause problems later on

Suprima · 01/02/2023 17:54

datingsmating · 01/02/2023 17:51

I've never dated a man with a child before so it feels like new ground to me. He is a complete gentleman though, so to try spark a competition doesnt really fit with what I know about him. Thank you for your replies though, i feel like dating is hard work!

You know nothing about him, just what he’s wanted to show

wise up

he’s demonstrated he’s a complete bin fire who still has a thing for his ex

dating really isn’t hard if you swerve the ones who TELL you how messy their lives are

HelpfulJane · 01/02/2023 17:55

You’re worth more..

Start fresh with someone new..

And never ever date any of your co workers..

It’s a recipe for disaster..

hugefanofcheese · 01/02/2023 17:56

Personally I would be put off. He hasn't cheated or anything but it sounds messy and overinvolved. I'd worry about becoming a bit part player in those two's ongoing saga and a free therapist.

Plus I don't think he needed to tell you. What's been gained? If it was a true one off then he should have been more discreet. Who wants to hear about a new love interest's recent sex life?

LilLilLi · 01/02/2023 18:07

Honestly, walk away.

This thing between them is not over, they have a child together, she broke his heart. It’s always going to be complicated and I speak from experience when I say it’s just not worth the drama.

samqueens · 01/02/2023 18:19

I think his honesty is a good thing, and suggests he can see something developing between you. Also suggests he has some respect for your feelings and future. How would you feel if 6 months in you found out he had slept with his ex so soon before you got together? What if she decided to use it against him if she is jealous or hurt by him moving on? It seems he doesn’t want to jeopardize things with you.

Equally, you can use it as an opportunity to set your own boundaries going forward and slow things down if you want to. Be honest with him. Say it’s made you uncomfortable, but you really like him, so would like to go on some dates and no sex to see how things go. Or say you appreciate knowing but want to be clear that you don’t tolerate cheating and if things are to go forward you want to be exclusive. Whatever feels right to you. But just be honest back.

Honesty and respect are worth a lot. And they aren’t qualities which are as common as they should be.

Weatherwax13 · 01/02/2023 18:23

You said you feel uncomfortable. That's all you need to know really. Don't start a new relationship with someone who's already made you a bit uneasy

Pesimistic · 01/02/2023 18:23

Personally, no I wouldn't continue seeing him. It's too soon, too messy and has alot of potential for heart break (yours)

Wibblewibble1 · 01/02/2023 18:23

No walk away. It’s not over for him and you’re caught up in it.

category12 · 01/02/2023 18:25

Weatherwax13 · 01/02/2023 18:23

You said you feel uncomfortable. That's all you need to know really. Don't start a new relationship with someone who's already made you a bit uneasy

This.

I think your discomfort is telling you what you need to know.

I don't think it's good that he told you, I'd be concerned that he's setting up the groundwork for a drama triangle for the future. If he was only sleeping with her so recently, they're not done.

NewFriday · 01/02/2023 18:26

I don't quite buy the honesty either, but even if he thinks he means what he says, he's not ready to move on by the very fact that he hasn't moved on.

DestinysGrandchild · 01/02/2023 18:28

I'd probably leave him to it.

It's not like he's had to admit it, it was behind he'd been with you. He's not over her and it will be messy as he will have to keep seeing her for the kids sake.

winterbegone · 01/02/2023 18:30

No I wouldn't continue with this as he still has feelings for his ex, it would massively put me off that it's on/off with her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread