He slept with his ex, would you continue seeing him?

[datingsmating]

I met a guy at work 8 months ago, we have been out together with the team but its always been a bit flirty between us. We did text every now and again which turned into texting every day. I really do like him.

He has a young child with someone who he admitted broke his heart. They now apparently get on well enough to co parent. She moved back to her home town so live around 100 miles away. He's told me this before we got romantically involved. Recently at a works party we slept together. All seemed to be going well until last night.

We went out for a drink, he basically confessed they slept together a few weeks back, he said it was just a spur of the moment thing. He knows they are not good together and he's ready to move on fully with his life. He told me how much he likes me, how he's focused on me, I feel weird. We slept together 2 weeks after him and his ex. But we are not in a relationship, its very early days. I think its weird he even confessed this. I suppose my question is would you still date this man

Ahh so some people would appreciate his honesty and some people would never trust him.

I was hoping to speak to him but I've thought about it and I dont think I could trust him before its even started. It will be so awkward at work now

Sweet… Good call on trusting your instincts on this one. You’ve saved yourself from unnecessary drama..👍

No. Why would you.
he’s obviously not over her
they have a child together,
you feel uncomfortable.

he didn’t have to tell you as pp are saying
and he didn’t cheat, nor does this make him a bad guy. But I would want to be someone’s priority, and not because they couldn’t make it work with the mother of their child who they still have feelings for and who clearly still has feelings for them.

Be breezy about it.

All good but you just are no longer interested.

Read some of the threads on the step parenting part of MN.

It really isn't for the faint hearted, particularly if you have any interest in having children yourself.

Invariably a lot step mothers end up admitting that if they had their time over again they would absolutely pass on the effort, sacrifice and drama attached.

A lot of lazy men who split up with the mother of their child seek out dim women to dump their child on asap.

Be very very wary.

I would thank him for his honesty, but given that you work together and this has already made you feel awkward I would end it.
Don't get enmeshed with someone with a child and who is still sleeping with his ex. He needs to properly end it and be over it before he dates anyone else. He's not being fair to either woman in this situation.

What is all this lunacy on this thread about ‘honesty’

he hasn’t been ‘honest, this is a calculated measure to let OP know how messy his life his and how is ex is still in the frame to see how low her standards are.

all he’s doing is trying to see how big a shit sandwich he can serve for her to scoff up

this is nothing to do with ‘honesty’

men tell us about their demons, crushes and mistakes early on to see where our boundaries are. If we give them a green light, they keep on being utter scrotes- BECAUSE WE’LL TAKE IT

this is pick up artist 101

I agree that he’s told you so that if there’s any bad behaviour later on, you have to accept it because he’s “been honest” about it.

Best to stop it now, especially as you work together. No good can come of this.

I have to agree with you, this is almost certainly the case, but as they have to work together I was aiming for an easier way out!
But yes, 'honesty' around shitty behaviour is another way of testing your boundaries and seeing what you will put up with.

men tell us about their demons, crushes and mistakes early on to see where our boundaries are. If we give them a green light, they keep on being utter scrotes- BECAUSE WE’LL TAKE IT

this is pick up artist 101
Agree with this.

There's thread after thread on here that can be broken down to:

• man displays shitty behaviour/disrespectful behaviour/man child behaviour/how messy his existing relationships are with his exes or children (delete as appropriate)
• woman overlooks the giant red flags because he's so lovely to her and he says (insert excuse about it being someone else's fault/he's a passive victim in his life/he's just being a gem of an honest man by telling her)
• relationship progresses
• it turns out the man waving the red flag bunting on day 2 isn't a very good partner/father

We have to raise the bar with what we're willing to tolerate and feel confident enough to say that we're probably going to be happier single than with a man child who doesn't respect us.

I agree with you. The weird thing is not that he slept with her ex but that he would tell the “new woman” that he’s sleeping with his ex. Very puzzling and quite insensitive. OP: I strongly believe this man is not over his ex, not even close. He hasn’t healed from the break up, he still has feelings for her and the feelings seem to be mutual. You have a huge red flag here, look at it. This is what you’re getting into. This man hasn’t done the emotional work to get into a new relationship so the presence of the ex is always going to be in between you and him I fear. Getting in a relationship with this man is going to be painful for you and drama fuelled . He may or may not continue sleeping with the ex behind your back. I would seriously consider my relationship with this man, make a plan or put boundaries.

Tbh no, but not because it was a betrayal, just because I would strongly advise against dating someone with a child with any kind of recent feelings for their ex. It's not worth it, you can do better.

This.

You have women who say a firm No thanks, no interest in this bullshit, and others who are sucked into the drama, and end up being a skivvy aupair to HIS, get pregnant and are well and truly screwed over.
Half the time they end up as the ex's skivvy too for childcare.
You really couldn't make up the stories of what some step mothers put up with........

OP, if you want drama and stress you go for this type.

If you want to give yourself a fighting chance of a good relationship, have standards and boundaries and don't take any bull from any man.

If it was someone random then at the stage you were at I'd let it go, but an ex? Shows he probably still has feelings for her even if he wants to move on or if he does really like you. Personally I would remain friends and see where things go with time, but wouldn't rush and would assume he wasn't ready.

So she broke his heart
they have a kid
and he recently fucked her

no ! This is way messy
ex files HUGE
now the heart leads but I’d not like this and forsee pain ahead here

datingsmating
💪💪💪

Nope

No way. I would part on good terms and keep it friendly for work but I absolutely wouldn't be seeing him again in a romantic context.

I don't go in for all this "we weren't exclusive" bullshit. If you are having consistent communication with someone which is of a romantic nature and clearly the expectation or hope on both sides is that it will become a proper relationship, I wouldn't expect that they would be hedging their bets by having the same pre-relationship warm up routine with someone else, and certainly wouldn't expect them to sleep with anyone else. I know that lots of people now choose to date multiple prospective partners at the same time but it's not something I would tolerate. That would be the end of the "relationship" for me.

The added complication here is that the person he slept with is his ex and they share a child. So not only do they have a massive shared history and clearly still have a strong attraction to each other, but he cannot (and should not) cut contact with her. He will have to have some kind of relationship with her for years to come and she will never be out of his life completely.

It's been a very short relationship. I'd cut my losses now and look for something without all the baggage and complications.