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Original poster

He slept with his ex, would you continue seeing him?

67 replies

datingsmating · 01/02/2023 17:27

I met a guy at work 8 months ago, we have been out together with the team but its always been a bit flirty between us. We did text every now and again which turned into texting every day. I really do like him.

He has a young child with someone who he admitted broke his heart. They now apparently get on well enough to co parent. She moved back to her home town so live around 100 miles away. He's told me this before we got romantically involved. Recently at a works party we slept together. All seemed to be going well until last night.

We went out for a drink, he basically confessed they slept together a few weeks back, he said it was just a spur of the moment thing. He knows they are not good together and he's ready to move on fully with his life. He told me how much he likes me, how he's focused on me, I feel weird. We slept together 2 weeks after him and his ex. But we are not in a relationship, its very early days. I think its weird he even confessed this. I suppose my question is would you still date this man

OP posts:
Grandmasword · 01/02/2023 18:35

I would give the chap a chance due to him being so upfront about sleeping with his ex. But l would obviously drop him if this were to become a regular thing due to you two not being exclusive

TheFretfulPorpentine · 01/02/2023 19:04

What's the betting that if his ex clicked her fingers, he would come running?

Crimeismymiddlename · 01/02/2023 19:07

This is icky. Why did he tell you, a lot of people sleep with others while getting to know a person, most of them have the emotional intelligence to know most people would not take that news well.
That and you work with him I would swerve -it’s too messy.

supercali77 · 01/02/2023 19:21

Personally, I wouldnt. Dating someone with kids and an ex on the scene forever is often tricky enough, without them having shagged them 2 weeks previous.

iamenough2023 · 01/02/2023 19:25

No, I would not pursue this relationship. I think that he told you this to "warn" you that there are still residual feelings between them and let you decide if you want to accept the risk.

DangerNoodles · 01/02/2023 19:30

A few weeks is nothing, he isn't ready to date again OP, do yourself a favour and let this one go.

billy1966 · 01/02/2023 19:38

Suprima · 01/02/2023 17:54

You know nothing about him, just what he’s wanted to show

wise up

he’s demonstrated he’s a complete bin fire who still has a thing for his ex

dating really isn’t hard if you swerve the ones who TELL you how messy their lives are

Show quote history

Good advice.

So messy.

Not worth it.

SunflowerTed · 01/02/2023 19:56

TheFretfulPorpentine · 01/02/2023 19:04

What's the betting that if his ex clicked her fingers, he would come running?

My thoughts exactly

nc1013 · 01/02/2023 20:00

I don't think he's done anything wrong and it's good he has been honest

HOWEVER

You need to be aware that if you continue to see each other he will need to be in regular contact with her to co-parent effectively and he will see her often at drop offs & pick ups, parents nights, school plays etc.

Personally I'd find that a bit hard to deal with if we were to have a long term future together. However, if you can move past that then go for it.

nc1013 · 01/02/2023 20:02

Every time his phone lights up with a message and it's her name, every time he comes back from dropping his son off and you know they've been chatting......

It can be hard enough when there has been a clean break for years. This is messy and there was only a gap of 2 weeks. He was already talking to you when he did this as well

OnTheRoadAgain1 · 01/02/2023 20:29

I can understand people saying that they'd give him a chance because he's been truthful, but I would be wary of his intentions. He didn't need to tell you as you aren't an item and hadn't slept together by that point. Anyone with half a brain would know that would upset a potential new partner, particularly as you then did sleep together.

At best he's thoughtless/not emotionally mature and at worst he's setting up a triangulation situation and testing how you react.

Either way, your gut is screaming at you. I'd cut my losses now before you are in too deep.

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2023 20:35

No
hes not over her
they are linked by a young child
i wouldn’t trust he dies not do it again

Livinghappy · 01/02/2023 20:46

How long since he separated from ex?

Shapemyeyebrows · 01/02/2023 21:58

@datingsmating no, I wouldn’t. Not because he’s done anything wrong but because he still has that pull there to his ex. If he slept with her only a few weeks ago then he clearly isn’t fully over her, they have a child together which bonds them so if there’s also still romantic feelings there I would be leaving them to it.

3kidswouldfinishanyoneoff · 01/02/2023 23:25

Nah, next.

LadyJ2023 · 01/02/2023 23:42

Slept with you 2 weeks after breaking with an ex he has a child with.Honest or not clearly a messy situation no way would I go into that gentleman or not sorry I value my feelings,emotions and common sense to much.

Cuppasoupmonster · 01/02/2023 23:44

datingsmating · 01/02/2023 17:49

I don't really feel grateful for the fact he's been honest. I feel like if he wanted to move forward he would just file it under big mistake and move on with me. For him to tell me, i'm not sure if he just wanted to talk over their relationship again. I do feel uncomfortable he told me

You’ve hit your own nail on the head. It wasn’t cheating, he didn’t need to bring it up. It’s almost a warning - ‘date me but just know she’s still in the picture’

YourVagesty · 01/02/2023 23:47

No way. Too messy with the ex.

Moser85 · 01/02/2023 23:51

No chance.
Firstly men who have been heartbroken often really struggle to get over an ex.
For all you know he could have begged her to give him a chance after they slept together and she said no which is why he focused on you.
Maybe she wanted to give it a go but he said no and slept with you, which could have caused issues with the co-parenting relationship. Or maybe they both gave into old feelings and neither wanted it to progress but either way that's a pretty immature stupid thing to do when your parenting relationship is going well.

Also sometimes men can move on and seem fine, but then when their ex meets someone new and there's someone around the child it's like they go through the break up all over again.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/02/2023 23:55

He is not over his ex, not by a long shot. Things are not over between them. I'd be moving on if I were you, and you know that's what your gut is saying, too.

LolaSmiles · 01/02/2023 23:59

He hasn't done anything wrong because you weren't in a relationship, but I'd probably not pursue a relationship with him because there's a lot of baggage there.

beezlebubnicky · 02/02/2023 00:05

I'd cut him loose, OP. I'm sorry as I know you really like him, but he's clearly not over his ex. It sounds like you want a proper relationship so I'd hold out for someone better.

memoriesofamiga · 02/02/2023 00:11

Jesus christ no I wouldn't be anywhere near him. My money is on him and the ex being back together again within 6 months. Or at least still having 'slip ups' and sleeping together again.

Why waste time on something as messy and complicated as this situation. This won't end well and you'll be the one who gets hurt.

Zanatdy · 02/02/2023 06:34

I’d be wary as he’s got strong feelings for his ex and everytime he goes there you’re going to be concerned if he wants to again.

Pinkjacket22 · 02/02/2023 08:07

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 17:50

I wouldn’t go there! Too messy and probably flit between the two of you, surprised so many are saying they would still date him 😣

This with bells on! Yes in the short term it will hurt to end things but long term competing for him and worrying about all his interactions with her (which are unavoidable with such a young child) will eat you up and destroy your self esteem.

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