Have you ever had someone say something so hurtful or inappropriate it felt like a punch to the stomach? (Struggling with dads comment)

[upsdo]

I had a termination when I was in my twenties and didn’t cope at all for around six months. One day I was in tears on the phone to my mum and my dad grabbed the phone and said angrily ‘stop this nonsense and go and read some books to broaden your mind.’ It felt like I was being punched and years later I feel sick still when I remember how hurt I was. Feeling crap today so obviously revisiting anything painful(!)

@Builtforcomfortbutnotspeed that's awful, so sorry that all happened to you. I hope you are happy now

I am now
there is loads more but I didn’t want to hog the thread-I got rid of all the dead wood in my life and I’m on the up
thank you xxx

Some of these are so sad. 😢
I was nine years old when a dirty old man who patronised my mum and dad's pub molested me. When I finally told my mum a few months in to it all happening she said 'oh come on, I can't tell your Dad. We need the money'. The abuser was an alcoholic and my parent's business was failing miserably.
She did tell my dad in the end, at my sister's insistence. I overheard her say 'whatsinaname doesn't like that sort of thing'. I was a fucking child! Nothing was done though, or if something was said to him no one ever told me, it was brushed under the carpet.

It's taken me my whole life so far at 43 years of age to even begin to forgive them. I felt like I was a lamb to the slaughter and if they didn't love me then no one else would. It's been almost 30 years of dysfunctional relationships.

These are truly horrific. I'm sorry

About 18months ago in a round about way my DH called me fat.

Was along the lines of "if I was as big now as when he met me, he would have never have got with me"

It honestly wasn't meant maliciously and was in context to the conversation at the time but it hurt like fuck. But it was also true.

Joined a gym the next day, 18months later I'm 90lbs down and in the best shape of my life. So in a roundabout way it was best thing he's ever said to me.

When my mum found out my stepdad was abusing me as a 6 year old she slapped me around the face for letting it slip out to my grandparents. It was brushed under the carpet. When I confronted her in my late teens about why she used to tie me to my bed or lock me in the under stairs cupboard at night she just laughed and said they nicknamed me Houdini because I sometimes escaped. I'm now just turning 50 and have gone NC with the narcissistic bitch.

All these posts are horrific and I'm so sorry for you all but I had to reply to this OP as it's truly horrific what your mother said to you and I'm so so sorry you were actually raped. It had absolutely nothing to do with what you were wearing whatsoever. You are not to blame. Sadly this outdated way of thinking is still around in some people. I hope you are getting help with what you went through xxxxx

During an argument, DH looked at me with real hatred and told me I was an ugly bitch

@whatsinaname2 I am so sorry you were failed so terribly by the very people who should have protected you. That wasn’t your fault and you deserved better.

I just wanted to say I relate so powerfully with what you say about those who are meant to love you not doing so and thus feeling like no one else could or would. I’ve carried that my whole life and I’m sorry you have too but your post made me feel just a little bit less alone and I hoped I could help you feel a little less alone too, knowing someone else carries that awful feeling too. Big hugs to you. You deserve, and are worthy of, love.

The one that hit hardest was the one I already knew but was said to my 4 year old in front of me.

I'd just had a miscarriage and was having a hell of a time with my ex, who had taken great lengths to convince DD that I wouldn't want or love her anymore if I had another baby.

Nobody know about the miscarriage, but DD had internalised the 'Mummy won't love you' stuff, so I had been on an 'of course not, Mummies don't stop loving their children, ever' reassurance thing.

I'd given up smoking (again) long before conceiving so wasn't over the moon about somebody smoking right beside us at the bus stop when we went to visit my mother. Again, not exactly fun, but knowing family is important...

Anyhow, my mother, a rabid ex smoker who thought it was easy to stop we don't mention the diet pills, tranquillisers and prescribed opiates addiction for the next 50 years must have caught a whiff of smoke on my coat and told me to get out and never come back.

DD was a bit upset and asked her why 'Because she's been smoking and I don't want her to come here anymore'.

'But you do still love her, don't you, Nanny?'.

The fucking bitch looked my 4 year old in the eyes and said 'No. I only love babies - it's why women have more than one, because you get sick of them whining when they get big, then you need another to replace them when they start school'.

What hurt wasn't what she was saying about me (I knew it already, it just hadn't ever been said in such bald terms before), but that she deliberately ripped my 4 year old's fragile security away from her with her words.

Seen her less than five times in the decades since (and all of those were instantly regretted because she always came out with something else as vicious as possible).

When I was 11 and Ill my mum
told me I was going to die and she didn’t care if I did then didn’t speak to me for 3 days I can remember being scared to go to sleep in case I died in my sleep

Their really are some totally psychopathic mothers out there.

My BIL once said (to another family member, not me) that it was my fault that both of my children ("his nephews") had a life-changing disease (inherited from me), with the insinuation that I'd ruined their lives. Obviously it's true in so much as that it's my genetics, but he (I assume) doesn't know that I spend every day feeling awful for this, even though I couldn't have changed it no matter how hard I tried. He was angry, but it hit like a punch in the stomach. Still hurts now when I think about it.

I'm sorry your Dad was so insensitive, OP. That sucks

Thank you. Big hugs back to you too. Your words have helped me this evening. Xx

My mother to me - "I tried to abort you but you're that evil you crawled out of the bucket"

I've thousands more but that one stung the most.

My dad called me a whore when I moved in with my boyfriend before we were married.

My mother quite often said 'I wish you had never been born.'
I neverread a hug from her and she never told me she loved me. I spent most of my life thinking I wss an unlovable monster; those words really cut me down.

OP, I mean this nicely but how many times had you already called your Mum crying down the phone before your Dad lost his temper? Were there other issues going on in their lives, including their own aging parents? Did he have to sit with your distressed Mum on a regular basis after your calls and was he just trying to say, in a SPECTACULARLY bad way, "You have to get over this now?" Parents aren't infallible and, sometimes, having listened to so many of my friends' experiences, being a parent to a 20 something is REALLY hard. I wish you peace!

I'm going to have another little girl, and she'll be perfect

I had been studying incredibly hard on an OU course with a view to returning to work after some years when disability had stopped me working. I was talking happily about why the course was important and he said "don't be ridiculous, no one would ever employ you". Yes, it was like a kick in the stomach. Half the reason I wanted to work was to take some of the burden from him so he could relax and enjoy his life instead of worrying about money all the time.

He now denies he ever said it, or that he meant it, or it might have been a joke. No, dh it wasn't and we both know it.

PS, our relationship has improved enormously since then.

My gorgeous lovely mum was told by my dad and her parents that she should have aborted me. She was so hurt and told me so, but I never forgave my dad for that. (Grandparents died before I was born anyway)

You aren’t still with him?

Ah I know that, but thanks for your message. It was a long time ago now and I’ve put it behind me, thankfully.

These messages hurt and triggered painful memories. I have so many that I'm sharing just a few. It's so horrible that so many of us have had so many horrible experiences.

When I was 16, on the day my parents argued and separated. My dad sat me down and asked who I wanted to live with. As I perceived my relationship was stronger with him, I said him. He told me I couldn't. That hurt. I feel as if he thought I'd say my mum and would be seen as a good dad coz he asked. Ended up being homeless as neither wanted me.

First marraige last less than a year. He beat me so hard i ended up in hospital multiple times. Last time i needed an operation. When i left my dad and my mums family told me theyd not put me up while i sorted somewhere to live as "id made my bed and i should go back".

At 22 I had had highlights put in. My H said they were nice. We went to see my mum, who laughed at them and said they looked like a bird had shit in my hair. H laughed and agreed with her.

In my 40s I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I was shocked and disappointed that it was something that couldn't be fixed. At home, H said "so it's all in your head then". As if it's a choice. When I got upset he said I'd taken it the wrong way.

A couple of years later 2 of my children ended up joining my H in an online game. A game he plays every night and all weekend. They joined as a fathers day gift as he had trouble completing a task. In the Discord chat with the group of other players (online chat forum) he slagged me off and was shocked and upset when my C confronted him and left the group. He described this as "banter". I only found this out recently as C were worried about telling me.