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Original poster

Messaging a colleague.

73 replies

mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 18:18

Starting a new thread, off the back
of another one.

A few years ago ( pre covid ) I found out my DH had been messaging a female colleague who he sat next to at work.

We have kids and so has she. She has a partner. My husband swore nothing had ever crossed the line and it was as friends and chats about the kids and that.

It didn't sit well with me, it made me quite ill mentally and I became quite obsessed with her and stalked her Facebook daily ( this was during covid when everyone was WFH ) DH didn't and still doesn't really know the extent of how this

I'm wondering if women would have a problem with this or is this just me being jealous and OTT?

Be kind 😊

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 30/01/2023 18:20

Why didn't it sit well?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/01/2023 18:22

Was he messaging her asking for a shag, or just general day to day chatting because you know the latter is allowed, right?

Severntrent · 30/01/2023 18:24

Just friendly chatting is fine.

Choconut · 30/01/2023 18:26

I think this is difficult but I'd wonder why if they sat next to each other all day they'd also need to be messaging each other about as well.
I guess it would depend on how often they were messaging, it could have been straying into emotional affair even if it wasn't full on - but I'd trust your gut on this one.
You say it was a few years ago though, what happened?

ToastAndButler · 30/01/2023 18:26

I don't understand why you've started another thread about this.

Chatting by text with a female colleague is fine. You really can't stop your OH having female friends and why would you want to?

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/01/2023 18:29

Depends how often he texted her, time of day matters too (first thing in the morning? Last thing at night?). It could signpost he’s interested in her. Or they could just be friends.

ChocChipOwl · 30/01/2023 18:29

Why the need for countless threads? Honestly, people are allowed friends of the opposite sex. It's fine to message them, call them and even have a drink with them. Everything is fine

What isn't fine is if it's leading up to a shag and none of us could possibly know this

Original poster
mummaontheskoolrun · 30/01/2023 18:32

ChocChipOwl · 30/01/2023 18:29

Why the need for countless threads? Honestly, people are allowed friends of the opposite sex. It's fine to message them, call them and even have a drink with them. Everything is fine

What isn't fine is if it's leading up to a shag and none of us could possibly know this

If you don't like it, scroll on and don't comment.

OP posts:
Itgoesalittlesomethinglikethis · 30/01/2023 18:32

Do you trust him? And what @AtrociousCircumstance said.

SallyWD · 30/01/2023 18:37

I'm very happily married but have male friends (colleagues) that I'll message sometimes. I also have female colleagues I message. It's fine! DH also messages colleagues, some of whom are female.
It's just friendship. Often when you work with someone 8 hours a day you build up a bond, shared jokes etc. It doesn't mean you're going to run off with them.
Is there something in particular that worried you about the messages? Were they flirtatious or something?

ComeOnJohn · 30/01/2023 18:38

Given that you’ve posted on the other thread

Is it ok to message a colleague of the opposite sex?

I'm a very jealous person and it doesn't sit well with me.

How do others feel about it?

yes, it is absolutely okay to message people of the opposite sex about general everyday things/work/life in general and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Messaging such as sexting, flirting, arranging meet ups? No, of course it’s not okay.

BrightSaturn · 30/01/2023 18:41

If they’re messaging all day every day then it’s not ok imo. Casual messages every now and then are fine though.

Tannedandfake · 30/01/2023 18:54

No idea what ur other thread was about, but what were the texts about?
I have friends at work that I occasionally text out of work.

Tannedandfake · 30/01/2023 18:56

Ignore me, just realised you said years ago 🤦‍♀️

ChocChipOwl · 30/01/2023 20:06

@mummaontheskoolrun it's an open forum? I'm able to comment where I choose

mummar2boys · 30/01/2023 20:08

ChocChipOwl · 30/01/2023 20:06

@mummaontheskoolrun it's an open forum? I'm able to comment where I choose

Exactly and I'll post another thread if and when I want to.

mummar2boys · 30/01/2023 20:09

Yes, I've changed my name also ...

Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness · 30/01/2023 20:12

Oh dear… I message male colleagues and ex colleagues. DH goes for coffee with female colleagues and ex colleagues. Absolutely nothing in it.

i can’t say your DH is definitely not having an affair. But, you don’t actually have any evidence that he is

SoIAmGlad · 30/01/2023 20:13

ToastAndButler · 30/01/2023 18:26

I don't understand why you've started another thread about this.

Chatting by text with a female colleague is fine. You really can't stop your OH having female friends and why would you want to?

This. You sound quite mad, OP. Are you saying you’d have an issue with me having a text conversation with an opposite sex colleague about a novel we’re both reading, or temperamental dachshunds? Can you only conceive as messaging as sexual?

joan12 · 30/01/2023 20:16

If a man wrote this he'd be called controlling and abusive. If my H behaved like this, I'd freak out and leave him to it!

Of course it is fine to message colleagues of the opposite sex!

Songbird54321 · 30/01/2023 20:19

I work largely with males. My partner works with 50/50 males/females but his closest work friends (and ex colleague) are females. They message quite a lot. I also message my male colleagues sometimes. The most recent conversation was about house prices in the North vs South and the one prior was about fancy ready meals, riveting I know. I really can't see the issue in harmless conversation

mumofthemonsters808 · 30/01/2023 20:36

I message my male colleagues who I’m friendly with and I don’t fancy them I don’t even regard them as attractive, I’m certain they don’t fancy me either.We’re just work buddies and our messages reflect that.Anything untoward and I’d be mortified.You should be able to tell by the message content the type of relationship your Husband has with a female colleague.

ChocChipOwl · 30/01/2023 21:34

@mummar2boys gosh you are in a pickle.

Freeme31 · 31/01/2023 12:07

Is it because he did not tell you about the friendship? Did you feel he was hiding something?

Shoxfordian · 31/01/2023 12:11

What answers do you think you’ll get that you didn’t get on the other one?