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Original poster

Talking to a much younger man on an app. Should I give him a chance or being daft to consider it?

66 replies

missfrump · 30/01/2023 16:58

I got divorced 4 years ago and have remained single since I exited that relationship. I have only recently decided to give online dating apps a try. I have been talking to a younger man on an app (Bumble) for the last couple of days. He is 30. He has been getting quite flirty with me. I was surprised that he would be interested in me at all as I am 51 and nothing special in terms of my looks. I replied back to him because I liked the look of him. I feel quite daft for saying it, but I think he's really fit. I am flattered that he is interested in me at all.

I am not really looking for a long-term relationship, but I would honestly quite like a fling or an FWB. I am getting the sense from his profile and messages that he is looking for the same thing. Do you think he is too young for me, even if just for a fling or even a one-off?

OP posts:
NormaTheWife · 30/01/2023 21:15

You will get inundated with offers from young men. I found that they were mostly upfront about wanting to be with an older woman.

Boomboom22 · 30/01/2023 21:19

The pp who at 51 set 48-54, surely that is incredibly narrow range fie adults. At 51 I'd set 40-59! 40 is a fully fully adult so any age after is surely fine?

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 30/01/2023 21:23

LynetteScavo · 30/01/2023 19:40

The "rule" is half your age plus 7.

I wouldn't, you could almost be his grandmother Grin but you do you.

The 'rule' is some arbitrary wank made up by twelve year olds giggling in their bedroom. If you have a connection with someone and are attracted to them, their age is irrelevant, as long as they are both adults.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 30/01/2023 21:26

Op, go for it. Life is too short to worry! Give it a go and see where it leads.

NowDoYouBelieveMe · 30/01/2023 21:33

LynetteScavo · 30/01/2023 19:40

The "rule" is half your age plus 7.

I wouldn't, you could almost be his grandmother Grin but you do you.

Wow, are there many 21 year old grandmothers round your way??

If you just want a shag OP, and can separate sex from emotional attachment, why not.

MMmomDD · 30/01/2023 22:39

Go for it. What exactly do you have to lose? You want a shag/fling. He wants the same.
As long as expectations are aligned - there is no issues at all.
if he were 20 - and you 40 - I’d be more hmmm - but a 30yo is a fully grown adult to know what he is doing.

Enjoy!!! Be sensible and use protection. Etc. but mostly - enjoy!

JustGraduated · 30/01/2023 22:42

Not sure how much this value this will offer (if any) so apologies in advance.

Im in my early 20s & have been seeing a guy of a similar age to yourself. He’s been separated from his wife for nearly three years.

One thing I will say is that despite the age gap and initial differences in interests we found a lot of common ground and love spending time with each other.

We started out as fling online but been seeing each other just over 4 months. Not typical relationship but it works.

hope this helps!

WorldCuppa · 30/01/2023 22:48

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4731073-whats-the-problem-with-an-age-gap?page=4
loving the other side of the coin

Tuilpmouse · 30/01/2023 22:52

LynetteScavo · 30/01/2023 19:40

The "rule" is half your age plus 7.

I wouldn't, you could almost be his grandmother Grin but you do you.

There are 21 years between them, not 51!

MMmomDD · 30/01/2023 22:56

@WorldCuppa

But this isn’t the ‘other side of the coin’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

On the other thread - a naive, and vulnerable 24yo mother of 3 was asking about a ‘relationship’ with 45yo. Asking what ‘agenda’ can an older man have with a younger woman.

Here - the agenda is out in the open. Two people want to have a short term encounter to have sex. No one is under any illusions. No one is vulnerable or naive.

LightSpeeds · 30/01/2023 23:00

SweetheartNecklineForMyBust · 30/01/2023 17:05

I think he wants to tick shagging off an older woman off his wish list. If you don't mind being fetishized, go for it.

Probably this ^

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/01/2023 23:06

I suppose the question is, would you want to sleep with a man in his 70s?

Lookingoutside · 30/01/2023 23:28

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/01/2023 23:06

I suppose the question is, would you want to sleep with a man in his 70s?

How is that the question?

WorldCuppa · 30/01/2023 23:32

@MMmomDD
21 years of age difference. How do you know he’s not vulnerable? And where’s the part where they have the agenda is out in the open? I must have missed that 🤔

LynetteScavo · 30/01/2023 23:40

The OP said: I am not really looking for a long-term relationship, but I would honestly quite like a fling or an FWB. I am getting the sense from his profile and messages that he is looking for the same thing.

Sex is what's in the agenda

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 23:40

Slackbladder22 · 30/01/2023 19:35

Good grief. While you should be a bit careful it’s much likely he wants a shag. How the hell would he get her pension if they have a fling for a few weeks?

Show quote history

And he'd have to wait at least 17/18 years for the pension!

WorldCuppa · 30/01/2023 23:44

@LynetteScavo
She said. He didn’t.

MMmomDD · 31/01/2023 01:10

@WorldCuppa

Are you seriously comparing 24yo female, out of DV relationship, with 3 kids - who is in a relationship with a 45yo man and NOT aware that an older man may be interested in her for all kinds of wrong reasons …..
to
…..30yo man, who is flirting with a 50yo woman on Bumble. And a woman who is clear in her profile and communications that she isn’t interested in much other than a FWB?

If you don’t see these two situations as not at all comparable, I don’t know how to explain anything to you.

Or do you just think older women shouldn’t have sex with younger willing men, because it’s wrong, somehow?

I hate it when women try to put other women down. OP has nothing to be ashamed of. She is a woman who wants to have a sexual relationship. A younger man is interested. No one has a right to tell her she is too old, or that the guy is having a ‘fetish’ - as if it isn’t conceivable that the guy can be attracted to her. Ageism isn’t much better than sexism.

napody · 31/01/2023 07:32

Lookingoutside · 30/01/2023 23:28

How is that the question?

Show quote history

😂

ArcticSkewer · 31/01/2023 08:53

WorldCuppa · 30/01/2023 22:48

Oh dear.

Did you know that two consenting adults can have sex without being in a relationship?

That's this post.

Your post is about two consenting adults choosing to be in a relationship.

Two incredibly different scenarios I am afraid.

Find the post by a 50 year old man worried if he should have a quick shag with a 30 year old woman, because she might be fetishising him, and that's your common ground

Hearmeout · 31/01/2023 10:12

"Find the post by a 50 year old man worried if he should have a quick shag with a 30 year old woman, because she might be fetishising him, and that's your common ground"

Spot on.

Would never happen, why? Because 30 year old people are usually quite hot and if they fancy someone older and everybody is single - why the hell not.

If people want to extrapolate that out to being fetishized - then I can strongly recommend it, it was most excellent when I did it !! 😆

Krakenes · 31/01/2023 10:24

What?! There’s 21yrs between them, how can she be his granny, even a Mum is a push these days.

80s · 31/01/2023 10:25

Doesn't sound like you'd be upset if he does just want a shag, so could be worth giving it a go before you reach the age when your partners are likely to be losing stamina...

I'd add another possibility, though:

  • he genuinely likes you
  • he has a thing for older women
  • he's some sort of con man
  • he's married and looking for sex with an OW who's not going to get pregnant

I've come across the latter a couple of times.

Joey69 · 31/01/2023 11:48

sex with older women might be his thing

might be kind of bucket list thing

he might think that women around his own age are looking for serious relationships / marriage / children etc, but he might not want those things right now but still wants to have sex

he fancies you.

Spaceprincess · 31/01/2023 11:59

Id go for it.
I’m 50 my partner of nearly 3 years is 31 we are happy, before him I had fwb in their late 20s although I wouldn’t have had a proper relationship with them , we did discuss this at the start.