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Original poster

Talking to a much younger man on an app. Should I give him a chance or being daft to consider it?

66 replies

missfrump · 30/01/2023 16:58

I got divorced 4 years ago and have remained single since I exited that relationship. I have only recently decided to give online dating apps a try. I have been talking to a younger man on an app (Bumble) for the last couple of days. He is 30. He has been getting quite flirty with me. I was surprised that he would be interested in me at all as I am 51 and nothing special in terms of my looks. I replied back to him because I liked the look of him. I feel quite daft for saying it, but I think he's really fit. I am flattered that he is interested in me at all.

I am not really looking for a long-term relationship, but I would honestly quite like a fling or an FWB. I am getting the sense from his profile and messages that he is looking for the same thing. Do you think he is too young for me, even if just for a fling or even a one-off?

OP posts:
Yesthatismychildsigh · 30/01/2023 17:01

This is going to sound awful, but as someone a bit older than yourself, what do you think he’s after? Are you even sure he’s the person you think you’re messaging? Is he living here legally? Is he financially solvent? Once again, apologies for this, but you read about these stories all the time.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 30/01/2023 17:01

Sorry, I somehow missed your last paragraph.

winterbegone · 30/01/2023 17:02

If I'm old enough to be their mother it would give me the ick however you both adults.

User0610134057 · 30/01/2023 17:02

Personally…. I would enjoy the messaging but don’t emotionally invest and I wouldn’t meet up with him or at least not until you’ve got the measure of him more

ToastAndButler · 30/01/2023 17:04

Possibilities-

  • he genuinely likes you
  • he has a thing for older women
  • he's some sort of con man

I'd give it a bit longer to try to get a better sense of which he is. Would it bother you if it was the second?

SweetheartNecklineForMyBust · 30/01/2023 17:05

I think he wants to tick shagging off an older woman off his wish list. If you don't mind being fetishized, go for it.

Slackbladder22 · 30/01/2023 19:27

He may well just want a shag, sounds like you do too, no problem at all surely, unless you feel you might develop stronger feelings for him. He might have a thing for older women, I don’t see it’s any different to liking blondes or brunettes. When I was younger I had a fling with an older woman, loved every minute of it, no regrets at all.

GirlFromUpNorth · 30/01/2023 19:33

I’m almost 51 (and also on Bumble) and I wouldn’t go near a 30 year old - fit or not! I have mine set to show men 48-54 only.

He is probably after your pension!

Slackbladder22 · 30/01/2023 19:35

GirlFromUpNorth · 30/01/2023 19:33

I’m almost 51 (and also on Bumble) and I wouldn’t go near a 30 year old - fit or not! I have mine set to show men 48-54 only.

He is probably after your pension!

Good grief. While you should be a bit careful it’s much likely he wants a shag. How the hell would he get her pension if they have a fling for a few weeks?

Hawkins002 · 30/01/2023 19:35

missfrump · 30/01/2023 16:58

I got divorced 4 years ago and have remained single since I exited that relationship. I have only recently decided to give online dating apps a try. I have been talking to a younger man on an app (Bumble) for the last couple of days. He is 30. He has been getting quite flirty with me. I was surprised that he would be interested in me at all as I am 51 and nothing special in terms of my looks. I replied back to him because I liked the look of him. I feel quite daft for saying it, but I think he's really fit. I am flattered that he is interested in me at all.

I am not really looking for a long-term relationship, but I would honestly quite like a fling or an FWB. I am getting the sense from his profile and messages that he is looking for the same thing. Do you think he is too young for me, even if just for a fling or even a one-off?

@missfrump this I believe is how the term cougar women, came to be, basically if your both happy with the arrangements, then you only live once.

GirlFromUpNorth · 30/01/2023 19:36

Slackbladder22 · 30/01/2023 19:35

Good grief. While you should be a bit careful it’s much likely he wants a shag. How the hell would he get her pension if they have a fling for a few weeks?

Show quote history

I was joking!!!

Slackbladder22 · 30/01/2023 19:37

GirlFromUpNorth · 30/01/2023 19:36

I was joking!!!

Show quote history

Oops, sorry ! It’s late, I’m tired 😂😂

LynetteScavo · 30/01/2023 19:40

The "rule" is half your age plus 7.

I wouldn't, you could almost be his grandmother Grin but you do you.

emotionalpuddle · 30/01/2023 19:47

I'm dating someone and there's almost 20 years between us/similar ages you've mentioned.. (wasn't looking for anyway, met in a bar) and it's probably the best relationship I've ever been in 🤷🏼‍♀️ just see what happens. What do you have to lose? Flowers just be prepared for a lot of judgement.

Hearmeout · 30/01/2023 19:47

You're both very much adults and if you fancy a shag I would absolutely go for it - it's not like he's 18, this isn't a Caroline Flack/Harry Styles scenario.

Bloody go for it and enjoy!!

Shylo · 30/01/2023 19:49

Meh, who made the ‘rules’? Life’s too short ….. you are both grown adults and if you are going into it with your eyes open as to what it is then why not?

as others have said, maybe get the measure of him a bit more first and obviously be careful if you do decide to meet - but otherwise why not just enjoy the fling

SmileyClare · 30/01/2023 19:59

It’s really common for younger blokes to go for women online in the 45-55 age bracket.

They don’t want a relationship usually. The attraction is that you can take care of yourself (financially) may even offer to pay on a date, and you’re more sexually experienced and know what you want in bed.

It can be known as the sport of “milfing”

As long as you’re just after sex and a bit of fun then go for it but enter this with your eyes open.

It may not always be the huge boost to your self esteem you might expect so proceed with caution if you’re feeling emotionally fragile or lacking in confidence x

Original poster
missfrump · 30/01/2023 20:28

@Hearmeout Thing is, I actually do quite fancy a shag. Very much so. I haven't been intimate with anyone for a long time (since being with ex-H). If it's just a one-off shag, that would be fine by me. A fling would be even better, depending on how the first time goes. Nothing been arranged yet but I would like to meet him and see what happens.

OP posts:
Hearmeout · 30/01/2023 20:31

Having done this with similar age gap in the past - it was unbelievable - younger men LOVE older women's confidence and believe me, nothing brings out the confidence in you more than how into it they are.

Just enjoy. Life's short and you're horny and single and you're entitled to do whatever you want!!

SmileyClare · 30/01/2023 20:46

I wouldn’t drag this out with endless messaging if you just want a one night stand. That just creates a false intimacy, the chat gets overly flirty and sexual and you may feel obligated to have sex when you eventually hook up.

Meet in public; a bar of something and if there’s no chemistry make your excuses and leave.
Asking a friend to call you an hour into the date is a good idea- it can give you a perfect get out if you’re not feeling it.

Be prepared for the possibility that he’ll be a no show or may turn you down. He may block you after sex.

On the other hand, you might drop him like a hot stone once you’ve had your shag 😂

im just saying, be realistic about what this is, take what he says (to get you into bed) with a pinch of salt and bear in mind he might be a prick in real life with terrible breath and a fungal nail infection.
Of course he might be a right laugh and a great ride.

Good luck ! 😉

ArcticSkewer · 30/01/2023 20:56

If you like that kind of thing you can be indundated with offers from 20 year olds and upwards. Take your pick.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/01/2023 21:05

Go for it
some
men really like older woman
could be fun
just manage boundaries very very early

Lookingoutside · 30/01/2023 21:09

I’m in my 40s and seeing 3 men who are between 16 and 22 years younger than me.

our “flings” have been flinging for between 1 and 3 years now.

Meet him for a drink. See how you feel.

Macaroni46 · 30/01/2023 21:12

I'd enjoy it. I'd keep an open mind and carry on. See what happens?

Slackbladder22 · 30/01/2023 21:15

Lookingoutside · 30/01/2023 21:09

I’m in my 40s and seeing 3 men who are between 16 and 22 years younger than me.

our “flings” have been flinging for between 1 and 3 years now.

Meet him for a drink. See how you feel.

Love this! Life is to be enjoyed