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Original poster

He's texting but not asking me out

54 replies

pinksunsets · 29/01/2023 18:42

Met a guy on Bumble. Asked him out. We met up and had a great date! There was some kissing (but that's all). It's been 2 weeks since and he's been in touch regularly but no sign of a second date. And before everyone says just ask him out, it's 2023 etc etc, I asked him out the first time! What's the point of messaging if he's not going to make plans to see me again?

OP posts:
ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg · 29/01/2023 18:43

In your shoes I’d just say it’s been nice getting to know you, but I’m looking for a bit more than a pen pal. If you fancy meeting up another time let me know.

That way you’re not specifically asking him out and you’re letting him know that you’re moving on.

Chowtime · 29/01/2023 18:48

I half agree with @ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg - say something along the lines of "if you want to meet up again let me know" and then just let things fizzle out.

Pinkbonbon · 29/01/2023 18:49

How about 'so what's the plan for our next date? Cause its been 2 weeks and I'm (as per pp) not looking for a pen pal'

Tbh though,he sounds like a time waster. It's all very well not wanting to ask twice but you've been taking the piss out of yourself by continuing chatting with him this long. If next date wasn't arranged within a week, I would have called it a day unless messaged after that strictly to arrange a date.

winterbegone · 29/01/2023 18:52

I would say let me know you want to meet up again, would stop messaging if he doesn't suggest anything.

bloodyeffinnora · 29/01/2023 18:57

i wouldnt bother asking him about another date, if he really wanted to see you he would have asked you by now, but i would stop messaging him

TheWelshTart · 29/01/2023 19:03

He's not interested. Next!

Eleganz · 29/01/2023 19:38

Sounds like you are on the back burner being kept warm while he is seeing if a better offer pans out.

Rogue1001MNer · 29/01/2023 19:46

Off topic (sorry) but stunning UN @ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg

Original poster
pinksunsets · 29/01/2023 19:55

Eleganz · 29/01/2023 19:38

Sounds like you are on the back burner being kept warm while he is seeing if a better offer pans out.

This is what I suspect too... So frustrating!

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 29/01/2023 20:01

winterbegone · 29/01/2023 18:52

I would say let me know you want to meet up again, would stop messaging if he doesn't suggest anything.

I'd do this too.

supercali77 · 29/01/2023 20:15

I'd just stop replying to his messages, what's the point of forcing it?

JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers · 29/01/2023 20:19

ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg · 29/01/2023 18:43

In your shoes I’d just say it’s been nice getting to know you, but I’m looking for a bit more than a pen pal. If you fancy meeting up another time let me know.

That way you’re not specifically asking him out and you’re letting him know that you’re moving on.

This

ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg · 30/01/2023 10:41

Rogue1001MNer · 29/01/2023 19:46

Off topic (sorry) but stunning UN @ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg

Ha ha thank you!! I can’t actually remember where I heard it - maybe from Good Luck Leo Grande? But as soon as I heard it I knew it was my next name 😆

Overgrowngrasslady · 30/01/2023 10:54

Yes on the back burner I’m afraid, my friend does this, he keeps chatting to them if he thinks they will be up for sex but he’s not that interested, so doesn’t make plans to see them again , just keeps them chatting just in case, they are like back up options. It also feeds his ego to be messaging multiple women who are all wanting him to date them. Usually there are three on the go.

unpleasant but the women need to stop hanging round hoping. Do as the others said if you really can’t let go so , just text back and say right off to do x, text me if you fancy meeting up, if not, it was nice meeting you.

personally I’d block. I’ve seen the other side of this and if it starts like thus it’s not going anywhere good.

eyope · 30/01/2023 11:38

When I was on Bumble, if a man wasn't making the effort to actually see me, I'd stop replying to his messages politely saying that I wasn't looking for a pen pal. And we were incompatible in what we wanted. Then ignored any pleas or attempts to make up for it. If a man needs to be nudged into arranging dates, he's not the right man for you.

It's not that you're on the back burner. He just isn't interested enough to date you but wants the attention and validation. The 'girlfriend' experience without any of the effort or commitment. Plenty of them about - a lot are fresh out of a break up and want someone to distract them from their grief.

It's ok to ask a guy out first but if he isn't reciprocating with enthusiasm and keenness, just move on.

Ryder68 · 30/01/2023 11:49

The 'girlfriend' experience

Yes! so easy now with merely messaging. No effort required, but they get their ego stroked by the women hanging on hoping for a date.

Kolakalia · 30/01/2023 12:06

I don't think you're on the back burner at all. I don't think you're on any burner with this man. He isn't putting any effort in at all, he's clearly not interested. You had to ask him out to get to see him. He might just like messaging to boost his ego or pass the time, wouldn't read too much into it, it doesn't mean anything if he isn't actually seeing you in person and building momentum. I wouldn't worry about trying to psychoanalyse his behaviour and feelings, he won't be paying you a second thought. Delete his number and move on.

GoldenCupidon · 30/01/2023 12:13

I loathe the phrase "not looking for a penpal" as I saw it a lot in OLD and I always took it to mean "shag me immediately rather than wasting time with boring old talking". I'd probably message him something like "It's been great fun messaging but it sounds like you're not keen to meet up again so at this point I need to move on. Best of luck."

jaylew35 · 30/01/2023 12:15

Hes playing games and dating multiple people at the same time. If he was truly interested he would pursue you. Don't make excuses for this guy. You can move on and do better. Hes not the only man out here.

I give out dating and relationship advice if you want to check out my channel. https://www.youtube.com/@thesurgshow

Kolakalia · 30/01/2023 12:31

jaylew35 · 30/01/2023 12:15

Hes playing games and dating multiple people at the same time. If he was truly interested he would pursue you. Don't make excuses for this guy. You can move on and do better. Hes not the only man out here.

I give out dating and relationship advice if you want to check out my channel. https://www.youtube.com/@thesurgshow

What games is he playing? he doesn't owe OP anything, he hasn't made promises, and he should be dating multiple people at a time unless he's agreed to be exclusive with someone! OP might be disappointed but he hasn't done anything wrong or game playery.

jaylew35 · 30/01/2023 12:38

In her eyes its games playing. If he doesn't respond then hes not interested or has his attention on somebody else.

MsMarch · 30/01/2023 12:46

Whether he's consciously keeping you on then back burner or not, the reality is that he's not that interested. if he was, he'd be making plans to see you.

As a side bar, it's a bit of a standing joke between DH and I that when we met, he basically scored because he 1.specifically asked me out 2. called with a few options and a specific date. Seems like such a low bar but at that point, I'd been dating casually and 9/10, the men I was chatting to were so PASSIVE and I would land up suggesting times and places and activities, and organising them. And I'd realised that really, they were either USELSS or just not interested. Or both.

Watchkeys · 30/01/2023 12:55

If he's already behaving in a way that doesn't tick your boxes, even just after 1 date, forget him. Remember the important phrase 'Don't date anyone who makes you want to post on a forum'

A compatible partner will naturally do pretty much everything in a way you like and understand. Not everything, all your life, but most things, most of the time. You won't be 'asking the audience' after a few dates because you feel unsure about stuff.

Watchkeys · 30/01/2023 12:56

He's not game playing though, and nor does he have to be for op to reject him.

Kolakalia · 30/01/2023 13:17

Watchkeys · 30/01/2023 12:56

He's not game playing though, and nor does he have to be for op to reject him.

Exactly. It's like the opposite of game playing surely, he doesn't owe anything to OP, he hasn't promised anything, he isn't leading her on by setting up dates with low interest then cancelling, he accepted a date, went on it, and doesn't owe anything to OP now. She's upset because she liked him and wants him to want her but him not wanting to take things further isn't game playing. Just cos you like someone and they don't like you back that doesn't mean game playing lol.

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