Should I shag Dh?!

[Newsheets]

Dh and I both stressed due to family stuff.
He looks terrible and stressed and not sleeping. He wants a shag, but it feels like yet another chore to me - there’s no cuddling or affection, we never snuggle up on the sofa for example or give each other a squeeze. I find this difficult as I love hugs and affection and snuggling. We’ve had another day of emotions and it’s exhausting.
he wants to just have a shag and when I explained I’m embarrassed, son 15 is still awake and actually I’m just not able to be sexy on demand, he gets all oh I’ll just go to bed then. It feels wierd somehow. Aibu?!

Maybe when he demands sex in a very unsexy way, challenge him. Say: seduce me; make me want to. See what he does.

There's a lot of posters who think men absolutely must have sex. It's very worrying.

Tell him it's perfectly simple: he makes a bit of a genuine effort to show you affection leads to you getting in the mood which leads to sex. Omitting any sort of affection or effort on his part and going straight to sex isn't ever going to happen. His choice.

@Johnduttonsbuttocks

'The evidence is all over this thread:

it's usually easier for everyone to just go with it and avoid the tantrum.
I push myself to do just to keep the peace and snap him out of the mood that darkens the whole house'

I didn't post the above? Why are you having a go at me?
Get your facts right before posting love

But it only works if the man is ALSO open to listen his partner and their needs (fir example fir a cuddle).
Otherwise it becomes man asks so man gets because ‘he communicated his needs. Isnt that enough?’

I (female) have a very high sex drive at the moment, my husband perhaps slightly less so but still seems to like it. Just half an hour ago I decided I wanted sex so I went over and started kissing him. After a bit he said "woman, you are insatiable" and lo, we ended up shagging (but it would have been fine if we hadn't). It was a bit strategic on my part I guess - I kissed him right then because I wanted sex - but I do like kissing him anyway and do often kiss him for other reasons.....

I think if I had just looked up and said "can we have sex please?" it would have felt strangely transactional and therefore off-putting. And if he had said "no" I would have felt rejected, whereas the kissing could either develop more or not - there was scope for us both to read each others' body language.

I think that is why we both tend to "ask for" sex in ways other than verbally, generally speaking.

In terms of whether or not to have sex when you don't want it..... I think it can depend on the extent to which you don't want it. Sometimes I feel I am not bothered either way, but if my husband is keen I think "well hey, why not?". But in previous relationships I know I have at times done it when repulsed by the concept. Won't be doing that again! (As it happens I am pretty much permanently up for it at the moment - it's more I worry I might be exhausting my poor fella!)

Find out how a discussion board works, hon.

There’s nothing more grim than when a man treats his partner as nothing more than a hole to put his dick and not a living being who enjoys pleasure too.

You need to talk to him about his lack of intimacy and how you don’t want sex because of it.

If you can afford it then tell him you want a stay in a hotel somewhere (or both pull a sickie/get someone to take your son out for a few hours) and you want to be romanticised and pampered with oils and massages.

If you are both stressed then sorting this sex issue out may help both of you.

Seriously? Of course couples are going to have sex when there are teens awake. There comes a point when their bedtime surpasses your own and you'd never ever have sex if that was the case. Unless you're not that bothered about sex, why would you have this attitude!!

Op have a chat with him and tell him it's really turning you off. Tell him you both need regular types of other intimacy before you'll want sex. If he doesn't want cuddles, remind him it's a two way street and both partners need to have their needs met not just him.

@pococurante

I know how discussion boards work sweetie but I'm not going to be insulted for something I didn't post

FGS, we have two kids here half the time, we've always had sex, sometimes not just a quickie either.

Thanks everyone. From my pov, I can’t relax anyway but if I know there’s our son 2 doors down awake and possibly going to come in then it’s a big no from me!
I used to hear my parents at it and thought my dad was seriously I’ll! Good job I never did knock on the door!