DH having a midlife crisis - help!

[paulinesmithson]

Recently DH has been listening to a lot of music from our teenage years, dressing how he did when we were a lot younger etc. At first I thought it was great that he was feeling nostalgic and it made me remember a lot of moments and songs from my youth I'd have forgotten about otherwise.
However, in the past few weeks he's been dying his hair darker and going out with his friends most evenings and returning quite late smelling a bit like alcohol/cigarettes. AIBU to think that he is now trying to 'become' young again by forgetting his responsibilities and living more recklessley, or should I be supportive that he wants a moment to relive his past for a bit? I'm really worried that he won't recover, any advice from other people who have experienced anything similar?

OP - can you do stuff with him? Reclaim the fun together?

IKR?!

If I dye my greys - sad
If I have grey hair - sad
if I listen to The 1975 - sad
if I listen to 80s music - sad

according to some posters anyway. And no, we weren't all dumb when we were young. Some of us had friends of all ages since forever ago.

probably that = sad.

This!

Perhaps it’s not a case of forgetting his responsibilities, perhaps through marriage, career and complacency he’s forgotten who he is. In his own terms. And he wants to reclaim that, and the starting point is of course where he left off.

I think as long as he's fulfilling his adult responsibilities then why not?

I'm 38 and am currently super Nostalgic, the 90s threads on here make it worse 😂

This week I have bought a few 90s bits from Vinted, Jean flares etc and loads of badges for my mini leather backpack, that have stuff like gameboys, 90s films like Jurassic Park etc.

I still fulfil my responsibilities as a parent. I see no harm in it, personally.

I'm 30 and most of my friends I go on nights out with are 40's/50's! They are more fun to be around I think.

But I do know what people mean by acting like a 20year old. I usually see women do this rather than men and its not a great look but each to their own.

He doesn't sound like he's doing any harm, it's only a problem if he's neglecting family life. Maybe play him at the same game and you do the same? 😁

@Anotheanon

Yeah. Age appropriate: not trying to be 25 at 45

That's it.

Yep.

What is meant by acting 25? Or 45?

Oh bless you. So ageist in your young years. Once you grow up you'll discover that many of us are not trying to act like anything. We are just being.
What charming name do you have for men of your age hitting on attractive women in their 40s?

@buildingourdreams the thing is, most of us reach 40 and don’t give a shit if a 26 year old thinks we’re “cringe” we just do what makes us happy.

Of course it looks silly to someone in their twenties. There is something a bit sad about trying to recapture that time when you are in your forties, from the going out to the hair dying. It is a good look on neither sex.

I totally get the impulse though, because your forties is when life really does start to appraise you in terms of wealth, looks, success. In your twenties none of that is yet there.

But you cannot dodge it forever. Going out is okay, it's good to have fun sometimes but don't kid yourself it's the same. You aren't going to fit in with twenty somethings and it's their time.

@LexMitior I don't think anyone on this thread has been saying they think they fit in with the 20 somethings. I don't think OPs husband is trying to do that either. I don't know anyone of my age group who wants to hang out with 20 somethings tbh! As for saying 'its their time' - that's a very ageist way to look at things.

I had a great time at that age, but it's definitely a privilege of youth. They don't have many of these days - older people have money, status or at least had the time to get it.

It's not ageist, it's the pattern of life. We get old! We mature.

I must be very fortunate in the 20 somethings I know. DC and friends, extended family and colleagues, as none of them would sneer at an older person going out and enjoying music. Hitting on young people is a different matter, but socialising includes all age groups and tends to be around shared interest in the music rather than DOB. I go out with 20s DSs to gigs etc (typically music from my era) and no one considers me remotely sad. I doubt they'd invite me otherwise.

Ageism it seems is the last acceptable form of bigotry.

There is sadly no one more invisible in society than a middle aged, and / or post menopausal woman.

Some really disgusting views on this thread.

Yes! Exactly. I remember very clearly what it was like to be 26, it feels like it wasn't very long ago, and I'm actually 40 very soon. I can't explain how quickly those years have gone. I remember thinking 30 was old! I roll my eyes at my younger self now, thinking I knew it all. I couldn't give two hoots what anyone in their 20s thinks of me.

Another woman? That’s a classic midlife crisis then. Lots of warning bells OP, keep your eye on him. 👀

When I was 26 I had friends ranging from 20 to 50. Sounds like that person isn’t very worldly. Plus the 18 year olds will be looking at them suspiciously for being on the shelf at that age 😂.

Yes! I couldnt care less what the young generation think of me but DH is different

Sorry, I read the thread this morning but had to come back for some clarification...

What exactly is 'trying to be 25'?

I'm a lot older but if I'm honest I still feel in my 20s.

I still listen to music of the 1980's. I'm 59 and I color my hair. I don't consider it a crisis of any kind.

But there is one thing about being nostalgic and trying to return to younger days and another thing seeing if you can still attract women. Is he doing that, too?

Sorry OP, I must be 8 because I'm giggling at "I'm really worried that he won't recover". You could send him to the GP? 😂

(For the late 40s crowd, there must be a "doctor, doctor" joke in there somewhere!")

I'm also here waiting to be told what behaviour I should be displaying to be "appropriate" at 55. Please advise @buildingourdreams

Although please be aware that I may totally fail to give a single shiny shit about what anyone, of any age, thinks about my behaviour and its age appropriateness (is that a word?). That is one of the many many benefits of getting older - few (if any) fucks to give about younger people cringing.

I wish I were as wise as a 26 year old! In fairness I thought I knew everything then as well!

@paulinesmithson does he work with young people?