Boyfriend critical of the way I walk

[strawberrysea]

'Critical' may not be the right word.

We were walking along the road on our way to get some lunch and my boyfriend of 5 years said 'hmm, when you walk you swing your right foot out'.

I've not been aware of this or noticed it before and when we were walking past shop windows I was looking at my reflection and I seem to walk like any other person.

It's given me a real complex and I'm really irritated that he pointed it out. Even if I did walk like that, I don't feel like it was necessary to make a comment.

I feel like I'm overreacting but I'm really hurt that he would comment on something like the way I walk. He's refused to apologise because he says that he didn't mean to make me feel like I need to be thinking now about how I walk, but now I am overthinking it and walking around the bedroom looking at my feet in the mirror.

I know I'm overthinking it but it's really bothered me. Not really sure why I'm posting, looking for someone to talk some sense into me maybe.

You’re being ridiculous. Poor bloke.

You are way over reacting. I would definitely point this out to my DH if I noticed! Maybe have a think about why it upsets you so much? Is he always critical and so you’re defensive? Have you taken it to mean he finds you less attractive? Gently, I’d apologise and try and move on

Was it a criticism or an observation?

If observation you might want to get checked out by a chiropractor or osteopath (I also swing my leg out but that is due to a riding accident and it puts strain on my system and has caused alot of problems over the years).

If critcism then you might want to get checked out anyway- but also consider if you need be in a relationship with someone who is finding fault in you.

So he has only just noticed after five years?! I find that difficult to believe. I would say the truth is that you don't walk in that way but that he's making it up for some reason best known to him. Maybe he needs his eyes testing?

Sounds like an observation rather than a criticism.

Tough call. If you do walk with one slightly out it can affect your hips

so worth checking out

but for you to be this upset only you know - do you feel he is being mean to you at times or doesn’t point out your qualities and is chipping away at your confidence ?

if so it’s worth moving on

Although, if someone said something as innocuous as that, I wouldn't give it a second thought. I wouldn't develop a 'real complex' about it.

That's the part you need to consider.

That’s not a criticism it’s an observation. Are you generally insecure?

Interesting! I had a boyfriend long ago who told me I have a 'distinctive walk' that was cute. It was a comment made in passing and at the time I had no idea what he meant but forgot all about it. Around 30 years later I went to a physio to have treatment for lower back pain. During the course of the examination it transpired I have one leg a fair bit shorter than the other (I had no idea) and that contributed to my tendency to have lower back pain (as well as bursitis in one hip). It was then that I realised my left foot swings out when I walk. It isn't something I can do anything about, and I recalled my ex-boyfriend's comments from years before.

I expect you may have something similar OP. I also suspect your boyfriend wasn't trying to be mean, it was simply an observation.

You are being way too sensitive about this. It wasn't a criticism, it has got no negative connotations. He was just thinking outloud, noticing a peculiarity. He didn't imply it was wrong or unattractive or anything.

He should not have to apologise. You need to get over yourself.

Do you have a crystal ball to know he must be lying? What a silly comment...

I asked for advice not to be crucified, people on here can be far too harsh. There is a person behind the screen ffs.

I think you're being oversensitive personally.

Mumsnet is harsh op ?

how are things with you guys on a general day to day basis

Nobody has been especially critical.

It may be that you have one leg slightly longer than the other (I do). It can cause some issues, so worth being aware of.

Do you usually overreact to comments?

I'm thinking he may have noticed it recently and drew attention to it in case something is actually physically wrong - after all - you've been together 5 years!

But your real anxiety over it indicates either you're extremely anxious or there's other difficulties in the relationship and this is the straw that broke you?

Thanks for proving my point 😄

Why did he suddenly mention it today? Has he noticed before?

Sometimes in relationships people start to irritate each other and nitpick over minor things. Maybe you have always walked like that and he mentioned it to be mean. Or maybe it’s a new thing he was drawing your attention to.

I can understand you being self-conscious now he’s said it.

If you think that comment is "being crucified"... then you really do need to get a grip and sort out your victim complex

Depends.

Personally if my husband said that to me, I wouldn't think anything of it... he's lovely and is always kind to me so it wouldn't bother me.

However if it was my ex who said something like that, I would probably feel more hurt as he often used to say mean things about me physically. It was continuous criticism from him and definitely not innocent observations.

What is your boyfriend like towards you generally op? If he is kind and compliments you regularly, and you feel secure with him, then let it go.

OP, no one has been 'harsh'.

Ypu said twice in your op that you were over reacting amd people have reflected your words back to you amd are actually agreeing with you!

The fact you have perceived this as 'harsh' suggests that your perception is flawed.

Others (including me) have said it is your response to it that may be off kilter unless he has form for being critical of you, in which case that is the issue.

I'm afraid I couldn't get excited about this. Much less need counselling as a result.

You're being ridiculous.

Apologise? For noticing something that may be a sign something 's wrong?

Instead of getting huffy, get it checked.

Again this is a massive overreaction. Maybe that's where you need to be focusing and looking into why you over react at the slightest observation being made. Honestly, you will look back at this one day and feel ridiculous that it upset you this much.

Not really sure why I'm posting, looking for someone to talk some sense into me maybe.

You are overreacting.