To think this is more than enough maintenance to raise a child? (Friend conflict)

[Bessyioo]

My very close friend was left when her dc was 1. It was brutal, he was having an affair with one of our other friends in our group.

She is now paid 1,050 in child maintenance. However, all I hear is how she is on the ‘back foot’ financially as she is on her own and a lot of our conversation is about how he should be providing more as he is a high earner. She has her own home and I don’t even have a mortgage yet! I may be being sensitive as I feel i struggle financially but surely surely anyone can see that that is a lot of money and pays for everything the child needs?!

@Birdsbirdsbirds I'm not sure what confused you about my post. I simply said it's harder for single parents, I didn't say it was easy for others....

Except the bit where you said do people know what childcare costs? As if we are all living on another planet. Yes, weirdly enough, some of us have to pay for FT childcare anyway, despite our relationship status.

The fact is, in law, it bares no relation to child maintenance.

The cost of childcare should, and there should be a system wherein everything is taken into account. Income, childcare, UC specifically for childcare costs. At present, that's not the case. It'll never include your career being hampered because there's no actual way to measure that. It's a shame, but it's the risk every single one of us takes when we have a child. Is that shit? Absolutely. Will it ever change? No probably not.

@Birdsbirdsbirds I said that in response to a post talking about career progression & maintenance. It's not rocket science to think a single parent will be even more reliant on childcare as opposed to a partner & will find career progression even harder. Is that really controversial?

Yes, weirdly enough, some of us have to pay for FT childcare anyway, despite our relationship status

So you don't think a single parent might require more than you? Your husband doesn't get any holidays? He can't look after the kids when you go out? He can't juggle work if your sick?

Yes, he does get holidays. You know you still pay nursery in the holidays don't you?

I was simply answering your question. Yes, we all know how much it costs.

Yes, he does get holidays. You know you still pay nursery in the holidays don't you?

Of course but why are you just referencing nursery? My dc grew up & went to school, won't yours?

@Birdsbirdsbirds right so like you said you know how expensive childcare is. Is there not a teeny part of your brain that thinks it might be even more expensive for a single parent?

Because that's when you're paying 2k a month. Of course they grow up... And childcare gets cheaper.

At FT nursery it's not more expensive, you pay for a place and it costs what it costs.

Wrap around, yes maybe by a couple of weeks or so a year, considering absolutely no family help whatsoever.

We don't holiday entirely separately surprisingly.

And I don't think a lot of posters do realise how expensive nursery is.

My local one is 1.9k a month for a full time place for under 3s so no funded hours.

By contrast ours is just under a grand. As I said, varies wildly, doesn't it?

Because that's when you're paying 2k a month. Of course they grow up... And childcare gets cheaper.

cheaper but not cheap particularly if you are paying for breakfast clubs, after school clubs & need more childcare during the holidays.

We don't holiday entirely separately surprisingly.

I don't think it's normal to holiday entirely separately so why would that be surprising? Its surprising that you don't juggle it all though?

After all most people don't get 14 weeks holiday off & even they do can't actually afford that many trips.

Look if you want to think you have it just as hard as a single parent re childcare & career progression than no point in me trying to change your mind. I just disagree.

It's hard to juggle when you work nights. You can't exactly take a random day every week in the holidays like I do working normal days. It's limiting so you generally take full weeks, and where we can we spend those together. So no, there's not as much juggling as I would like but such is life.

I've at no point said I have it just as hard. I'm just saying I do understand, but no matter how understanding I am, it doesn't change the fact that maintenance does not currently take it into account.

I've at no point said I have it just as hard.

so we agree, great!

... yes. As I've said I was just answering your question....!

Folks get so weirdly competitive and resentful over maintenance payments.

Anything over the minimum £7 per week and you should be happy/grateful etc, as it's so much more than they get.

Her getting £1,000 does not make anyone getting less worse off. The problem is with relationships breaking down and NR parents not paying enough.

It can't be right to begrudge a woman having 'more than enough' money to parent a child by herself.

I don't think op begrudges her getting it, I think she doesn't want to hear her whinging about it when op is in a worse financial situation. She probably just doesn't enjoy someone financially better off then her say how badly done to they are. Would anyone? Really?

If this father gave in his job and took some cash in hand job and failed to declare his income the mother would get significantly less and lots of women are in this situation where people don't truly declare their earnings

I beg to differ
£1000 a month is a huge amount

I don't know anyone who gets this much she needs to think of all the women who get absolutely nothing

@NocturnalClocks you are doing great on this thread btw. Very patient. I agree with everything you say. I am shocked at some of these comments x

Why?

Why should she be "grateful" that her ex isn't a complete deadbeat when it comes to maintenance? It's what her child deserves and is entitled to. The bar shouldn't be set to the floor just because some non-resident parents don't contribute.

Imo both parents, regardless of the relationship should pay 50% of childcare and maintenance should be on top of that.
Why should women always be the ones to pay if they wish to work?

Exactly this @Tricolette

Out of interest @taxpayer1, would you happen to be a second wife married to a high earner, resentful about the amount of maintenance he pays? Your comments would make a lot more sense in that light.

@Changechangychange I wondered the same. Although even if that is the case it's still baffling how any woman could be so callous to a child, or so oblivious to all of the evidence from other countries that stamping out such appalling behaviour massively improves outcomes, health, and reduction in poverty and therefore benefits everyone. But as we know, facts are lost on some people.

And as I have said repeatedly upthread, yes, nursery around here is £2k per month for children under 2. It costs a lot more than £1k to bring up a child. Your view that if a husband walks out on his family, the mother should give up work and sit at home on benefits, grateful for any crumbs he throws her way, while he continues on with his lifestyle essentially unchanged, says a lot about you, none of it good.

It's beyond ridiculous isn't it? These cheerleaders for deadbeat fathers.

Yes, I bloody do! My husband works nights miles away, no school pick ups from him

Oh I see. One of these. Who compares being in a partnership with two people who have 48 hours per day to split between earning and childcare how they see fit, but moans about their situation and insinuates that it's in some way comparable to a lone parent with only 24 hours per day to do and pay for all of this alone. 🙄😆 Gotcha.

Understand now where all that nonsense was coming from.

Some people are utterly clueless.