Is husband being a dixk??

[Jlk37]

Hey!

Looking for some advice, not sure if I'm going insane! Husband recently employed a new assistant manager.... A very attractive 20 something complete with big fake lips and a face botoxed to within an inch of its life.
A little background. Husband has gotten a little too friendly with 2 colleagues in the past. One, single lady, whereby she clearly flirted in messages sending him sultry selfies and that malarkey, he didn't take the bait but didn't rebuff. Called him out when they had dinner together at a work event, alone despite dozens of colleagues there. Took a long time, and lots of fighting for him to admit that it was inappropriate. The other lady, married, but almost daily calls, working in different areas of company now, so no need for such consistent contact, which has dwindled significantly lately, going from at least one call a day, to one in the past month. He would always refer to her in her full name when she'd come up in conversation between us, as if distancing himself from the actual closeness of their friendship. Had lunch on the quiet with her one day while away with work, but told me he had lunch with a male colleague, but u just knew he was lying, so checked work phone when he came home, and there it was a message from her saying lunch together at 1,and where to meet. Called him out on it, insisted he lied because he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. Like really 🙄 Strange, or not strange??
Anyway, so here we are now, he employed this young one, whom loves to have her tits out, and I mean out out on display. The first day I went into his work place, I was greeted by her boobs literally out for all to see. Husbands face fell when he saw me, and said oh I must speak to her about her dress code....4 hours into the work day, seriously clear to me he wasn't going to say anything until I showed up and my face clearly said it all. So anyway, I explained I'm not overly comfortable with him being in a position every day whereby she could be walking around with her tits hanging out, and him of course having a good look. Also, asked him if he found her attractive, he replied ya she's a good looking girl. Didn't even flinch. I almost got sick. Why, given the stuff in the past would he choose to employ someone who could prove tempting. Am I being ridiculous here, because if I am please don't hold back

Don’t blame her because your husband cheated on you twice and you don’t trust him.

The issue is him. Not her. Or her boobs, or botoxed face, or her 'big fake lips'.
Also you are allowed to use the actual word 'dick'.

You can say dick here.

You sound paranoid and like you have a lot of internalised misogyny. Women can dress how they want and have all the plastic surgery they want to. You either trust your husband or you don’t.

I think you maybe need to reflect on your negativity towards this poor woman who hasn't done anything to you. Your comments about her fake lips, botox, and choice of clothing really just aren't related to your lack of trust in your husband. If she was qualified for the job, if she is skilled and good at what she does, then yes, of course he should have employed her. It would be unfair for her not to get a job she was the best candidate for, just because the boss's wife would be insecure about her appearance.
I think the real issue is about the trust/lack of in your relationship. Are you able to talk to your husband about this? I understand why you feel as you do, it seems like there's been some inappropriate behaviour in the past- although you don't mention an affair just calls etc with colleagues. Has he ever cheated? Is your relationship generally good?

You just happened to walk into your husbands work place on her first day?

She isn’t the problem. You and your husband are.

He is a cheater and you have some really bad internalised misogyny. I expect that’s so you can’t continue to stay with your husband but focus hatred at the women.

Your husband isn’t trustworthy. Your insecurity is because of him. Not because of how a woman dresses or chooses to do with her own face.

Wow... Yes, the problem is your DH. And definitely you!

This girl can have whatever she wants injected in her lips , face , tits and wear almost whatever she likes

I'd like a husband who could be trusted in a room full of Victoria Secret models - trusted to keep his hands thoughts and dick to himself

I’m not sure what your DH has actually done wrong. He hasn’t cheated on you but you clearly have issues with him being friends with attractive woman. He probably lied about the lunch to save on the grief he’d get having lunch with his colleague/friend because she happened to be attractive. You either trust and want to be married to your DH or not; you have to place telling him who he can employ or not.

I get where you are coming from. Flip side is that you're aiming it in the wrong direction. You will never be able to micro manage who your husband comes across in his job or his life. Whether it's someone he's employed or someone he bumps into getting food everyday. If he's made these mistakes before, is he genuinely sorry and changed his behaviour? If he has then you need to work on your own confidence so that these women he comes across, don't feel like a threat. Otherwise there will always be a threat around the corner even when you and your husband are ok.

I think you have no trust in your relationship and you need to look at why you are demonising a woman you do not know for her clothing.
If your husband is unfaithful and behaves in a way that makes you so anxious this is is fault, the way you speak about him is like he is a small child with no agency. It is not a woman's clothing that causes men to behave badly.

You've got DH issues.

The girl who's been employed can have whatever cosmetic procedures done that she wants and dress (if appropriate for work) how she wants.

You sound really insecure but also very bitter, if you're going to stay with a man who has a wandering eye you shouldn't be being so nasty about a young woman who's just trying to do her job (and probably has zero interest in doing your husband). Being bitter is such a bad look and negativity is a horrible emotion, you're not going to be able to chance your partners behaviour if this is how you act (if you can even change it).

Just here for the deletion message really, but your description of this woman/women make you sound bitter and twisted to the core.

Sort yourself out.

You are the mug who stays with this loser.

With a waster like him there is ALWAYS going to be someone catching his eye.

He's a leering creep🤢🤮

You have internalised misogyny and trust issues. Your husband lies, potentially because he’s a dick or potentially to avoid the toxic attitude you have.

The only person who isn’t at fault here is the employee.

None of this is that young ladies fault fault, there is no need to speak about her in such a disparaging manner.

The issue is your husband, the lack of trust and your understable insecurity given his past behaviour.

You need to focus your anger on your husband. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

I’m sorry you sound controlling. He not allowed to be friends with colleagues or have dinner with them. No proof of cheating. He seems on edge that he has to actually tell a woman how to dress because you say so. It’s not your business what she wears or does to her face. You sound insecure and tits out is probably a little cleavage fs 😟 if you don’t trust him then leave but stop being so pass remarkable on other women it’s not a good look. He actually sounds like a good boss all his employees like.

No, you're being a dick, and if you can't trust your husband then that's definitely not this poor woman's fault.

Your description of her is shameful, by the way.

Thanks for all your responses ladies. Yes, reading it again I do actually sound very bitter, that's food for thought for me. Controlling, no, just very aware of past overstepping of boundaries. And yes, when I say tits out, I mean tits out, to the point whereby 2 of his other colleagues brought it up with him, one male and one female. There is a strict dress code in his office, smart business is required, not going clubbing

So she was topless in the office? Unlikely.

say what you mean, don’t exaggerate. If she wore a low cut top, just say that.

The problem isn’t her, it’s your husband and how you feel about him.

I think you need to work on yourself first, then you may realise he is the issue

And unless you are her boss no one needs to be speaking to you about what she is wearing

I feel sorry for the young woman working in the office.

Stop trashing her and being such a bitch about a woman that has done NOTHING to you. You're clearly very insecure and you also sound quite controlling, work on that.

As for your letch of a husband, HE is the issue here. Look to him for accountability and change. Leave this poor woman out of your toxicity.

OP do you work for the same company? You seem to keep very close track of everyone's comings and goings there if not.

There's no evidence to suggest your husband has cheated. He didn't take the bait but didn't rebuff the first woman - in other words he kept it professional, as he should have done. He kept in touch and had lunch with the second woman - this is perfectly normal behaviour and it's not up to you to police it. He shouldn't have lied to you, of course.

The way in which you talk about his new assistant manager is disgusting, and if you don't work for the company it's also not up to you to offer any opinion on the enforcement of their dress code.

Leave her alone, you're clearly jealous and insecure. Work on yourself and your trust issues, lunch with colleagues isn't a crime.

What is a "dixk"?

Sorry but unless you work at the company, I would suggest you go sort yourself out instead of putting all your anger and childish behaviour onto this innocent lady.
So what if she wears low cut tops which makes you feel uncomfortable, go to therapy if it distress you so much.

I actually feel sorry for the lady and your husband, you sound like a headache