Is husband being a dixk??

[Jlk37]

Hey!

Looking for some advice, not sure if I'm going insane! Husband recently employed a new assistant manager.... A very attractive 20 something complete with big fake lips and a face botoxed to within an inch of its life.
A little background. Husband has gotten a little too friendly with 2 colleagues in the past. One, single lady, whereby she clearly flirted in messages sending him sultry selfies and that malarkey, he didn't take the bait but didn't rebuff. Called him out when they had dinner together at a work event, alone despite dozens of colleagues there. Took a long time, and lots of fighting for him to admit that it was inappropriate. The other lady, married, but almost daily calls, working in different areas of company now, so no need for such consistent contact, which has dwindled significantly lately, going from at least one call a day, to one in the past month. He would always refer to her in her full name when she'd come up in conversation between us, as if distancing himself from the actual closeness of their friendship. Had lunch on the quiet with her one day while away with work, but told me he had lunch with a male colleague, but u just knew he was lying, so checked work phone when he came home, and there it was a message from her saying lunch together at 1,and where to meet. Called him out on it, insisted he lied because he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. Like really 🙄 Strange, or not strange??
Anyway, so here we are now, he employed this young one, whom loves to have her tits out, and I mean out out on display. The first day I went into his work place, I was greeted by her boobs literally out for all to see. Husbands face fell when he saw me, and said oh I must speak to her about her dress code....4 hours into the work day, seriously clear to me he wasn't going to say anything until I showed up and my face clearly said it all. So anyway, I explained I'm not overly comfortable with him being in a position every day whereby she could be walking around with her tits hanging out, and him of course having a good look. Also, asked him if he found her attractive, he replied ya she's a good looking girl. Didn't even flinch. I almost got sick. Why, given the stuff in the past would he choose to employ someone who could prove tempting. Am I being ridiculous here, because if I am please don't hold back

Don't be a massive bitch about someone who has done nothing wrong. Your husband probably is a dick but you're so nasty about this young girl I doubt you are some kind, caring person yourself.

Come on OP, no one should talk about a young woman like that.

It doesn’t matter what she looks like, it’s not her fault your husband is a cheater.

Men also cheat with women who don’t have lip filler and wear hoodies you know.

if he cannot “resist” attractive young women then the problem is his creepy and predatory behaviour, not the attractive young women.

There will always be attractive people, the key thing is to decide you love and are committed to your partner and so the “temptation” to cheat doesn’t even factor. It’s simply not an option.

unfortunately it doesn’t sound like your partner has made that decision to just love and commit to one person (you) and unfortunately for you again, you’ve forgiven him twice.

You know the saying right? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

The problem isn’t her, it’s your husband and how you feel about him.

And how she feels about other women who don't look like the 'standards' she has in her bitter mind.

Is that you Mum?

My father couldn't keep his dick in his pants for the whole of their marriage...many many affairs with women he worked with. Every time he got caught, he'd move job, we'd end up having to move house too...I'd moved 5 times before I'd even started school!

My father waited until my younger brother turned 18 and then left my mother for another woman....he's been married to her for 34 years now. My mother sounds as bitter and twisted as you do, and blames the women involved...they 'lured' my father away....like your post, it's a load of horseshit. I assume the employee has better tits than you, too, considering how often you mention them...

This

You sleaze ball of a busband is the problem. Why do you stay with him ?

Yep. Horrendous the way you have described these women, Op.

Ffs you posting history says this shit has been going on since the beginning of your marriage.

Stop judging other women for simply existing how they want to exist.

Start blaming him for his behaviour. If you are so insecure you have started hating women based on their position on a Venn diagram of attractiveness and proximity to your husband, blame yourself for staying.

Stop pretending you don’t have any agency in your own life. You chose to stay with a sleazeball because it benefitted you too. Choose to walk away instead.

So are you going to spend the rest of your life policing him around other women? You need to get rid!

He'd actually have been in breach of employment law by not employing her if she was the best candidate for the job.

You're actually expecting him to discriminate her for being attractive/sexy.

If you don't trust him (and based on what you've said, I wouldn't either!) then leave him

I could trust my husband to work in any environment with any woman regardless of her looks, state of dress etc because he isnt a lying cheating sleazeball. so what, you succeed in getting her sacked or making things so miserable for her from a distance that she leaves. then what? Mr sleazy employs someone else like this and so you do it again? and again? and again? The problem is not her. its him and you. sort yourselves out and stop blame shifting for the state of your relationship and the fact that you are willing tethered to someone who really isnt a very pleasant person.

You aren't being unreasonable to think his actions towards the two previous women were out of line @Jlk37 , if he was messaging them quite a bit and had/planned effectively a 'date' meal out with them.

I think you should separate from him as he sounds a bit slimy.

I've only read the OP.

Your problem is your untrustworthy DH. If you don't trust him, don't stay with him.

It really pisses me off when women go around slagging other women off about their appearance as if that is the actual problem.

Your venom for this young woman is appalling.

The internalised misogyny is literally dripping from your statement OP, it’s so disappointing. Women are not to blame for men’s actions. Leave the poor office women (and their bodies) alone and focus on leaving your clearly untrustworthy and sleazy husband.

Your husband is a sleaze, she's done nothing to you OP. Knock off slagging her off and focus on your dick of a husband.

OP, I can feel your trauma, anger and upset with every word of your post. I understand. The pain of multipal betrayals can floor you, particularly when you realise you're married to such a player. You must be so disappointed he is not who you thought he was.

Policing and micro managing your marriage, will not stop him. You need to leave this marriage if you're so obviously unhappy.

Your husband doesn’t want to have a monogamous relationship with you.

He should just say that but he’s cheating and lying instead.

You should leave him as he is unable or unwilling to meet your needs. And it might be a good idea to go to therapy, work on your self esteem and try to untangle that internalised misogyny.

You want to keep your DH faithful by controlling all female humanity. Good luck!

Common denominator is him alone, not All Females.

Yes, he is a dick. It is not acceptable for employees to have their breasts partially exposed and since she is making other employees uncomfortable to the point of raising the issue it is obviously inappropriate. If it is your husband’s job to handle this and he isn’t because he’s a letch, thereby forcing the other employees to remain uncomfortable, then he’s even more of a prick.

Really he just sounds worthless and you should be rid of him.

Oh don’t be so ridiculous, of course she did not have her tits out. What are you doing turning up at your husbands work anyway?

This probably sounds controversial but office work is not clubbing and people should dress appropriately.
If a man turned up in crotch hugging shinny shorts we’d all be shocked…..
However
The issue here is why your husband has employed this person.
I assume they were the best person for the job, maybe you should ask to see all the applications
If it’s then blatantly clear that this is the best person then clearly that’s why she got the job
If however she clearly isn’t, then it looks like your problem is your husband

Why would the Op have a right to see all the applicants? And applications don’t always show who is best for the job. That’s why there’s interviews.

I very much doubt her tits were out. I don’t believe that other people complained. He may have told op that they did.

It’s extremely unprofessional for a manager to tell their wife which employees complained and about what. So either he is extremely unprofessional anyway or he (or op) is lying about that.

There’s nothing written that suggests Op has any power in this work place or should have access to anything regarding employees, their fillers or the way that they dress.

My Dp couldn’t tip up at my work and discuss work issues or my direct reports work attire.

It sounds to me like your husband has cheated on you at least a couple of times in your marriage and you deal with this by trying to now police him and keep him on a short leash. It won’t work, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. If a man wants to cheat, he’ll cheat, you can’t stop it. That’s why you should go for a guy who values loyalty.

I suppose we don’t know what power the wife has in the work place.
I always discussed nightmare employees at my practice and my husband visa versa, it’s not unprofessional, it’s taking advice.

I also saw my husbands employees CV and accompanying letter, they’re not secret. It’s not like we would post them on the internet.

It’s not unprofessional.

But I do agree, there’s clearly something going on that is not appropriate.

Yeah right! So your telling me a random partner of an employee is allowed to look at confidential application for the company. What world do you live on!