Greek Orthodox beliefs

DaisyCornflowerBlue · 16/01/2023 05:56

His religion is irrelevant. Cheating is is the pits. Put distance between this man & yourself, then move on.

Thesealsknowsheismagic · 16/01/2023 06:01

How do you know he has never cheated before?

I can’t work out wether you physically cheated and skirting the issue or it stopped at an emotional affair. But you have no idea if you are the first or not.

I am also struggling to see the relevance of his religion. He called you the ‘The devil’ shows he isn’t a nice person. He is treating you as though your existence is there only in regards to him.

Are you asking if he is likely to divorce his wife to be with you? If so, unlikely. But not just because of his religion.

BlueKaftan · 16/01/2023 06:03

Greek Orthodox won’t believe any differently to other religions when it comes to infidelity. Is he joking when he says you’re the devil sent to test him? Either way, you really should stay away from him. He’s married and doesn’t seem interested in leaving his wife.

zoopigi · 16/01/2023 06:09

I'm Greek Orthodox but am unclear exactly what your question is? Adultery is a sin whatever religion you follow, but if you happen to find one of those men who wants to cheat on their wife, they are highly likely to conduct an affair as long as the other woman allows them. They will not leave their wife as the sanctity of marriage is sacred (even if they are having an affair)

Original poster

maybeinanotherlife1922 · 16/01/2023 06:21

Thankyou everyone for your replies . I know it's all over the place . I'm in work so I was rushing typing it out . An affair with him would never happen. Even if he wanted too . I am against cheating . I know that's pretty hypocritical of me because it was verging on an emotional affair and that's why it stopped .

He would never leave his wife unless she disrespected him. His words so I don't really know what he classes as that . Marriage to him every thing . What I gathered is he is scared of what will happen to him when he dies . Hell or heaven . He said he wants to be able to go to heaven .

As for the devil comment . We were talking and that's when he said about falling in love with me . He then said your the devil laughing but it really unsettled me . As if I was in this situation to test him . I didn't ever want to be in that situation. After my husband I will not get close to anyone . Make/ female , animals . Anything that can break your heart .

I valued our friendship so much . I wish I could turn back time and all these feelings never happens we could remain friends . Because if feelings weren't involved we would of got on so well . I was willing to forget and push away what I felt in order to remain friends but he couldn't do it .

He said that we can't have any contact with each other anymore because he hates himself for constantly thinking of me .

Life sucks on times . Why does feelings ruin everything

OP posts:

Thesealsknowsheismagic · 16/01/2023 06:32

I am pretty sure he would class his wife, spending her evenings at work (I assume it’s at work) telling another man all about how she loved him and couldn’t stop thinking about him, as her being disrespectful.

But it’s ok for him to do it? Couldn’t have possibly kept it to himself and not disrespected his wife?

Would you like to be his wife in this situation where he does this? Or do you genuinely believe you are special and it wouldn’t happen if you were married to him. If, so, why? Why do you think he would do it to his wife, but not to you?

You genuinely don’t know this man. The people I work with, don’t know the real me. I am getting ready to go into a board meeting and not one of those people I will spend all day with know the real me. Some of these people work in the same room as me everyday. You don’t know the real someone until you are involved in their life, not just their work life. It’s easy to show the best side of you, at you work.

You fancy him and you have both run away with a ‘forbidden star crossed lovers destined to not be together’ fictional story. Which has (as it usually does) created these intense feelings.

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 06:32

would call me the devil. Like I was there to test him

That sounds healthy & well adjusted 🙄

Maybe he should be less dramatic and misogynist (?) and just acknowledge that human beings struggle with monogamy sometimes and will experience crushes and attractions etc. and have to learn to deal with them.

He's already had something like an emotional affair on his wife. You don't get to declaring feelings for someone and saying you'd be with them if you weren't married completely out of the blue, from nowhere - you obviously both built up to that. There was obviously inappropriate interaction/,discussion before that.

Very ironic and hypocritical that he says he'd leave his wife if she "disrespected" him - when he's already been disrespecting her and their marriage.

It is best you go NC and recognise that you might feel particularly attracted to him and like he's a potential soul mate but pretty much everyone who has an affair feels like that. He's not leaving his wife, and you're just going to get shagged and let go if you do anything other than go NC and move on.

He's not available - he should never have gotten into the sort of interaction with you that led to declaring feelings etc. Very dishonourable. And, as above, very hypocritical, given his reasons for ending a marriage.

He sounds like he has a good dose misogyny and chauvinism in him too; you're the devil tempting him cause you're a woman he's attracted to and (apparently) gets on with. He'd leave his wife for disrespecting him but is declaring love for another woman, a point he should never have gotten to.

You don't know him well either, you've got him on a pedestal by the sounds of it.

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 06:45

because it was verging on an emotional affair ......

that's when he said about falling in love with me

because he hates himself for constantly thinking of me

Verging on an emotional affair?!

It was an emotional affair.

He has correctly cut it off because he acknowledges something you don't seem to have - which is that it's not going to return to a friendship (if it ever truly was a friendship) and that it is in danger of escalating if you two keep declaring feelings and acting like star crossed lovers . . Meant to be but kept apart because he married his inconvenience of a wife first. Everyone who has an affair feels like that. In reality there's nothing star crossed or special or fated or special about you two. He np doubt fancied and loved his wife when he dated her, proposed to her, married her, had kids with her etc. It wasn't a mistake. He's just met, and (entirely wrongly) gotten close to a woman he fancies and likes .....(and of course yes we'll put of the honeymoon period with his wife. Nothing special or exceptional about that, to the contrary is a story being played out every day a thousand times.

Move on and don't get into shit like this with a married man again - you knew very well when you were crossing lines from friendship (which rarely truly happens betweens males and fakes anyway, you two are a case in point, that is no friendship no matter how you like to frame it as such) and letting yourself build up a crush/fixation on him. You shouldn't have gone there, you need to work on strong, healthy boundaries.

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 06:48

For reference when you have a true friendship with a man, nothing you say to each other is something his wife (or your partner if relevant) could not hear/see too. If you'd be uncomfortable about them hearing it; you're no longer in a friendship.

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 06:51

*makes and females, obviously

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 06:51

Oh FFS autocorrect

Thighlengthboots · 16/01/2023 06:55

He sounds like a really unpleasant, misogynist to me. Telling you he's in love with you when he's married and then having the audacity to call you the "devil" in this scenario. What about him and his responsibility towards his marriage?- why isnt HE the devil here? I'm telling you now- if you end up in a relationship with this man, he'll be just as misogynistic towards you. Dont be surprised if he ends up becoming controlling (because dont forget- the devil has already led you astray once so goodness knows what you are capable of now, being the jezabel you are etc).

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 06:56

years ago and I never believed in love at first site until the moment I laid eyes on him

There is no such thing as love at first sight.

True love involves knowing someone very very well and still living them. One does not know someone one literally just met and don't know really at all.

That is attraction/lust etc at first sight.

No wonder you're getting into situations like this if you haven grown up past the point of believing in "love" at first site.

You intensely fancied a man - who turned out to be married - at first site.

You talk about the "friendship" a lot but how was it ever truly a friendship if you felt in love with him from first sight??

You were and are deluding yourself about friendship re. him.

heartbroken40 · 16/01/2023 06:57

OP, you are NOT in a Mills & Boon novel nor are you Juliet (from Romeo & Juliet). If he wanted to be with you he would be. He's happy with his wife and possibly sleeping around. Geek Orthodox? Another excuse
. Find your dignity please and tell him to F off

If you want another relationship, look for a single man.

onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl · 16/01/2023 07:01

He sounds like an absolute idiot.
I am Greek Orthodox and i know tons of Greek Orthodox that are divorced, including my father, uncle and numerous family members and connections. He is using his religion as an excuse. Run away.

Original poster

maybeinanotherlife1922 · 16/01/2023 07:02

This is what I'm not grasping. I know for sure he loves his wife . He told me. I didn't know he was married for a few months because we never crossed the line in talking at this point . When he said about loving me he got upset and said he doesn't know how this has happened because he loves his wife as much as he did the first day he met her .

I would never get with this man . I know how wrong I was even discussing my feelings with him . And you are right . Why isn't he the devil ! Why me ? He's more of a devil than myself because he's the one married .

I know he hasn't cheated on his wife before . I am close friends with a friend of his . And for years even before I knew who my friend was talking about he would be going away with him on holidays with other males . He would come back and say so and so is the only one who didn't cheat on his partner ! How much of a good guy he was ect ect .

I honestly think that he got in to the same situation as me . Not wanting too at all .

I'm just pretty annoyed about the devil comment .

As for him saying about leaning his wife is she ever dishonoured him . That did make me think he was a dick at that time

OP posts:

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 07:04

Thighlengthboots · 16/01/2023 06:55

He sounds like a really unpleasant, misogynist to me. Telling you he's in love with you when he's married and then having the audacity to call you the "devil" in this scenario. What about him and his responsibility towards his marriage?- why isnt HE the devil here? I'm telling you now- if you end up in a relationship with this man, he'll be just as misogynistic towards you. Dont be surprised if he ends up becoming controlling (because dont forget- the devil has already led you astray once so goodness knows what you are capable of now, being the jezabel you are etc).

Yeah, this too.

Your case scenarios here are - fall into cheating with him and get discarded after the novelty wears off.

he (willingly or not) leaves his wife and you get to be blamed for the marriage breakdown and blamed for him being an adulterer and divorce whose place in heaven is no longer secure. And, as the poster above said, one winders at the level of trust both when he knows you're schmoozable by married men. You're apparently so caught up in the soul mates, cruelly kept apart by him inconveniently marrying someone else before you met, that you presumably think this is so exceptional and special and wouldn't have trust issues with him, but I think you'd be wrong to assume that.

Personally I don't think he's going anywhere. He's had the sense to cut if off before it escalated from an emotional affair into even worse, you should be glad.

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 07:14

When he said about loving me he got upset and said he doesn't know how this has happened because he loves his wife as much as he did the first day he met her.

Yeah, he's going nowhere.

He doesn't even want to leave her.

He's cut it off (he's calling it love but he seems to have just met another woman he fancies & likes, he seems rather prone to drama) after acting totally inappropriately, and doesn't want it to go further. You need to recover, learn lessons and move on from this.

It's a pity you didn't find out he was married for several months (I wonder cynically if that was an intentional, convenient omission on his part - because he was attracted and sense you were too .... Most attached people I've met mention their slide or partner naturally quite quickly).

In future I'd assume someone is attached until you learn otherwise

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 07:15

*spouse or partner

DogandMog · 16/01/2023 07:16

I attend EO church, but I can say the orthodox bit is a complete red herring here. Standard secular MN advice (and all the posts above) sufficiently applies here about emotional affairs - they cause so much emotional upset and heartbreak to all parties. You don't need to be christian / EO / any religion to see that nothing of any good can come of this situation. Go NC, completely cold turkey, take time to heal, read up on healthy relationships, boundaries and red flags etc.

Original poster

maybeinanotherlife1922 · 16/01/2023 07:18

DogandMog · 16/01/2023 07:16

I attend EO church, but I can say the orthodox bit is a complete red herring here. Standard secular MN advice (and all the posts above) sufficiently applies here about emotional affairs - they cause so much emotional upset and heartbreak to all parties. You don't need to be christian / EO / any religion to see that nothing of any good can come of this situation. Go NC, completely cold turkey, take time to heal, read up on healthy relationships, boundaries and red flags etc.

❤️ this is what I'm doing . I don't know why it's hurting so much . I never had him and I never would . The more I think of it the more I know that even if him and his wife ever finished for what ever reason in the future that the reality of a relationship with him wouldn't be good at all .

OP posts:

Thighlengthboots · 16/01/2023 07:23

As for him saying about leaning his wife is she ever dishonoured him . That did make me think he was a dick at that time

I think it’s really healthy that you are able to recognise this and aren’t brushing it aside due to your attraction to him. Attraction can be very very powerful and feel like love but it’s not. Keep his words in mind and how this view benefits him because essentially he’s saying his attraction to you is your fault- you have tempted him. There is no personal responsibility here (yes he wants to go NC but it sounds like that’s more from a fear of going to hell rather than out of respect/love for his wife and their marriage vows).

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 07:29

I kept my feelings towards him well hidden until he started crying after a few months saying how disgusted he was of him self because he's in love with me.

I doubt this. A man who had zero reason to suspect you had any feelings for him whatsoever; started crying at you out of the blue and telling you it was because he's in love with you??

I never believed in love at first site until the moment I laid eyes on him

I doubt someone would hide this 100% while working around someone - especially when you didn't know he wasn't single for quite a while.

I valued our friendship so much . I wish I could turn back time and all these feelings never happens we could remain friends . Because if feelings weren't involved we would of got on so well . I was willing to forget and push away what I felt in order to remain friends but he couldn't do it.

If you felt you loved him from first site, it was not a real friendship.

The fact that he declared feelings a while later reinforces that. He said he also felt a connection - you're not talking about a platonic connection, noone would even use that word for that; they'd just say "we get on well" but it wouldn't be this high octane stuff - with an emotional affair. Stop with the friendship BS, it's not helping you.

You're missing your infatuation and emotional affair.

Original poster

maybeinanotherlife1922 · 16/01/2023 07:33

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 07:29

I kept my feelings towards him well hidden until he started crying after a few months saying how disgusted he was of him self because he's in love with me.

I doubt this. A man who had zero reason to suspect you had any feelings for him whatsoever; started crying at you out of the blue and telling you it was because he's in love with you??

I never believed in love at first site until the moment I laid eyes on him

I doubt someone would hide this 100% while working around someone - especially when you didn't know he wasn't single for quite a while.

I valued our friendship so much . I wish I could turn back time and all these feelings never happens we could remain friends . Because if feelings weren't involved we would of got on so well . I was willing to forget and push away what I felt in order to remain friends but he couldn't do it.

If you felt you loved him from first site, it was not a real friendship.

The fact that he declared feelings a while later reinforces that. He said he also felt a connection - you're not talking about a platonic connection, noone would even use that word for that; they'd just say "we get on well" but it wouldn't be this high octane stuff - with an emotional affair. Stop with the friendship BS, it's not helping you.

You're missing your infatuation and emotional affair.

Your wrong in everything you say . Obviously I have left a hell of a lot out but it is only the friendship I'm missing right now .

OP posts:

TicketBoo23 · 16/01/2023 07:36

I was willing to forget and push away what I felt in order to remain friends but he couldn't do it

He has more sense than you. The way you're taking about this, you would not be able to do that while having regular contact with him. He recognises the milk is spilt, he realises it's not going back in the bottle. You should have too.

You honestly sound like, seeing what you write about your abusive marriage/relationship, you could do with some counselling. Your boundaries are not what they should be. You believe some unhealthy, ridiculous things about "love" (you didn't love him from first site, you fancied him intensely, you should also have assumed it checked his relationship status as soon as possible).
You've acted inappropriately with a married man (he's much more at fault than you but you're still not blameless) and you're in pain because of an emotional affair ending that you should never have gotten into.