Greek Orthodox beliefs

[maybeinanotherlife1922]

Hiya mumsnetters

I'm in a situation that I don't want to be nor did I ever set out to be where I am right now .

Does anyone know or is a Greek Orathadox on here please ? I met this man 3 years ago and I never believed in love at first site until the moment I laid eyes on him . A lot happened. He's married . So was I at that point but we divorced due too years of physical and emotional abuse .

The way I felt and still feel about this man has nothing to do with my situation. I work in a male dominated profession and have hobbies which are 80 percent males . So if I was looking to be loved or a way out I would of experienced this before .

When I used to hear about people who looked at someone and knew they loved them I thought it was untrue. Until it happened to me ! This man has been married for 20+ years . Never cheated and never been in a situation where he has feelings for someone else . I kept my feelings towards him well hidden until he started crying after a few months saying how disgusted he was of him self because he's in love with me .

For days I just laughed it off until one night I also admitted it . We talked a lot that evening and both agreed if he wasn't married we would of been together. He even said to me that the first time he saw me there was a connection too . Which I find mad and it's mad me so interested in this kind of stuff .

Obviously the best thing for us would be what we are doing now and that's no contact what so ever but it hurts. And I don't know why because he was never mine . I would wait my entire life to find someone who I had the same feelings as I had and still have for him . But I'm not interested in anyone and I never will be .

After my husband I never wanted a relationship ship again and I still done . Apart from this man .

He's a Greek Orthodox and would call me the devil. Like I was there to test him . Please no nasty comments. I m just so curious about the religion and what they do in these situations.

Thankyou

When you think you're in love with someone "from first site" ... It is not really a friendship.

Yes, you miss the attention, validation, emotionally intimacy, bond, dopamine hit etc with someone you like and fancy ..... But it's not been a true friendship. A true friendship would not have involved any communication that was inappropriate re his marriage/wife. It would not have to end like this.

You're deluding yourself and I can't help you so I'm out.

*first sight

To be accurate, friendship (using the word loosely) may have been part of your emotional affair with this man, bit that dies. It change the fact that - overall - this has been an emotional affair.

I doubt his wife would consider it a friendship.

If it was a true friendship, you wouldn't be on here saying you fell in love with him from first sight and feeling the need to discuss this situation.

*but that does not change the fact ..

I m just so curious about the religion and what they do in these situations.

I forgot to say - the above and your thread title are pretty much irrelevant.

He's a married man who still lives his wife, in spite of thinking he "loves" a work colleague too. He's probably heavily invested and tied in, with finances, family , kids etc like most married people. He's made his choice, he's not continuing contact with you and he's not leaving.

Him being Greek orthodox, catholic, hindu, whatever is irrelevant. He's married, he's not prepared to leave, he wants to end your emotional affair and (correctly) believes there's no friendship salvageable from it. You seem to be thinking it's down to his religion that he's not leaving, yet he already told you he still loves his wife as much as when they first got together (!) He would t be leaving even if he wasn't Greek orthodox... The fear re. adultery and divorce (note the poster who said they know loads of divorced greek orthodox men) is just an added factor.

"I don't know why it's hurting so much"

It's because you're a big and messy human with big and messy emotions, like we all are 💐🌻🌷 All the stuff about being human in a messy world hurts like hell at times. Take time, wisdom and self compassion to grieve about the situation. But it's like any addiction, needs cold turkey and distance in order to starve it of the attention it needs for sustenance.

On the "devil" thing, he's really being a misogynist arse... he's deflecting and externalising onto you what is really a battle between his own soul and ego. He's portraying you as a temptress, when it's really his own ego which is the serpent causing him to stumble. That in itself is 🚩🚩🚩

Thankyou so much for this reply . You are very kind and understanding. As much as other posters have said that I miss the attention and emotional affair I don't . I just miss him as a person . If I knew it was going to be this way I would of never of said I felt the same way .

I have been in this situation so many times . For some reason I can never have males as friends. They always get inappropriate. Basically being perverts and always saying they have feelings . It just causes so much stress . I have left jobs in the past because of this .

My ex husband has always said it's because I'm too friendly . I'm just a happy person and I can't help it . I'm always there to listen and help people . But sometimes it's taken the wrong way .

My last job I was close to having a breakdown because of what my boss put me through . Also married but was obsessed with me .

So the man I'm on about is the complete opposite. Never ever said anything remotely perverted . He wasn't your typical blood and I liked it . I know how wrong I am for even having feelings for him but I couldn't help it .

Another thing he kept saying is that him feeling the way he does for me makes him weak . And I know he had issues with feeling that way .

It's been a few months now of no contact and it hasn't gotten any easier for me . He's basically the first and last thing I think about .

I hate my self for it . Also for posters saying we work together. We don't thankgod .

If you want to know more about Greek Orthodoxy, you might be better posting on the "Religion" forum, OP.

I would run a mile. It’s cheating whatever was you look at it.
and it’s ‘should / would have’ not ‘of’.

@maybeinanotherlife1922 It doesn’t seem to be a coincidence that you met this man and had overwhelming emotions just at the time your marriage was breaking down. He is clearly unavailable and may have flirted with you but it sounds like he realized that this is not what he wants and has backed right off.

Hopefully this experience shows you that you can have strong feeling again and you do want to be in a relationship. He is not the only man you are ever going to feel attracted to, as much as you may not think that right now.

Your best recourse is to go totally no-contact and don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be meeting him or seeing him unless it’s unavoidable.

At this stage in your life, the first thing to do if you are attracted to a man is find out if he is married or in a committed relationship so you don’t invest your hopes and dreams in that person. Deliberately look for single men. On the other hand maybe you need some time to get over the breakup of your marriage. Do you have children?

If you don’t know each other from work.

How did you meet? I am interested to know how much contact with him, that you are convinced you know him so well. And what his wife thought he was doing when he was crying to you and spending evenings talking about how you feel about each other?

He would never leave his wife unless she disrespected him

ewwwwwww! Men who talk about disrespect are usually abusive assholes. He's a cheater on top of that. What a catch...

Divorced GO here, surrounded by fellow divorced GO. It is meaningless as divorce rates in Greece are sky high as is infidelity, so I assume he is using it to let you down gently OP.

Greek men are notorious flirts and prone to dramatic language (or rather how it sounds in the English language)

It was an emotional affair and infatuation with someone who had no intention of leaving his wife.

This really stood out to me

I have been in this situation so many times . For some reason I can never have males as friends. They always get inappropriate. Basically being perverts and always saying they have feelings . It just causes so much stress . I have left jobs in the past because of this

You need to move on from this latest experience and get some therapy.

There is no doubt that there are predatory jerks out there but it seems you have boundary issues OP. I say that kindly. Good luck.

Op I had sympathy until your last ' can't have men as friends, they're all perverts who are inappropriate around me' bit.
He is the one that's cut contact. You say you didn't know about his wife hut then say you have a mutual friend who has said for years before you even know the bloke how he's the only one that never cheated, so you knew he had a partner.

I would love to know his perspective on this

This has been my experience unfortunately. It maybe where I'm from . I don't know but nearly ever make friendship
I have had has always gone pear shaped .

Also I didnt know he was married . I didn't even know he was in any kind of relationship. He has a daughter who's 18 but lives with her mother so I assumed that they were parted . But that was an ex wife of his .

Also this friend would say this about him but I didn't know it was until I became friendly with him and put two and two together

Thankyou very much for your comment ❤️ it is just his constant worry of going to hell . An example of when we tried to stop talking all the other times was ... it's got to stop this time because when I die I do want to go to heaven .

I definitely need to put boundaries in place with the opposite sex . I am exactly now I am with my girl friends tho . So I just don't get it

This man has been married for 20+ years . Never cheated and never been in a situation where he has feelings for someone else

Yeah right And of course his "close friend" would spout the same story, though it's a pity he omitted to tell you the guy's married

Give him his due, he's got the lines off pat, but frankly I'd have run just over the line about leaving if his wife "disrespected him"

I gave up on reasoning with you op but I'll have another go at a balanced comment.

There are certain a large number of predatory and opportunistic attached men out there, you work in a male dominated industry and have male dominated hobbies; so I'd imagine you could easily encounter quite a few of them.

They will interpret any, even normal, friendliness and civility as an opportunity for a liaison. That's just the way some men are. If you are remotely pleasant to them, they think they have a chance at sex or whatever.

However, re. this particular man, you said;

*I never believed in love at first site until the moment I laid eyes on him.

When I used to hear about people who looked at someone and knew they loved them I thought it was untrue. Until it happened to me!*

So I doubt you were acting the same towards him as you would towards you female friends. Presumably you are not bisexual and don't fall in love with your female friends at first sight.

Regardless of how you think you acted, ot seems likely that you did communicate your attraction/infatuation.

You said he suddenly started crying and declaring feelings for you. Even demonstrative dramatic Greek men are very unlikely to do that without some build up or belief that you have feelings too.
You are both responsible for your interaction becoming an emotional affair.

You definitely need to improve your boundaries. As another poster said, it's also crucial to find out if at all possible if a man is attached before you let feelings build up.

You've been in a physically etc abusive marriage, maybe you need some counselling to recover.

And of course his "close friend" would spout the same story, though it's a pity he omitted to tell you the guy's married

I think op meant that her friend mentioned a guy in the group who never cheated while others did, but did not identify him.

Then op found out that it was this man he was talking about, after she got to know him. Not quite sure that happened though.

Thankyou

It is interesting that someone so apparently terrified of not getting into heaven due to infidelity is actually already divorced from a wife, with whom he had at least one child. You have to winder why that marriage broke down; since women rarely end marriages with faithful, decent men with whom they have kids.

Anyway; if he's already divorced... Is another divorce such a big deal from his religions point of view. Presumably it's the adultery he's worried about. That could be solved by divorcing and forming a relationship with op even he's free ... But he has zero intention of doing that. And even told op he still loves his wife.

He wisely doesn't want to contribute what op keeps insisting was a friendship, but is/was blatantly not.

If he was willing, I believe op would very possibly have followed her (quite extreme, dramatic) feelings into a full blown affair by now. That's why she needs to get counselling around boundaries etc

He is just a chancer who wants to move to a more affluent country

*quite extreme, dramatic) feelings

I should clarify op, of course those feelings feel real to you ... But they do seem very intense, very fast for a man you didn't know and whom you weren't 100% sure was attached or not I do think it's some form of limerence. Or some reaction to being in an awful relationship for years.

You must realistically know there is no such thing as love at first sight, just lust/attraction/affinity - but you don't know the person at all.

And everyone on here has correctly identified that he is actually a chauvinist who talks a woman as a devil, temptation etc .... Instead of taking responsibility for his own behaviour.

He's also divorced once with one child, now married with three kids .... But telling another woman he loves her and crying etc.

He's not coming across well at all.

You have him on a pedestal you need to take him off.

Sounds like a nasty case of limerance on your part OP. He could have just made a bad joke in the face of your obvious interest.