Hurt by ‘d’h comments

[Sunshinesometimes]

I just need to know if I’m overreacting please.
my ‘d’h saw a doll online that was in a wheelchair and commented “why would someone want a doll that’s already broke”
I thought it was a shit comment to start with but even worse because I am disabled and have a wheelchair although I don’t need to use it often.
I was shocked at him and he just keeps going on that comedians do jokes like that all the time. I want to scream at him that he’s not a fucking comedian cos he’s always doing other ‘jokes’ that are equally as shit but I’ll just be accused of being a fun sponge but I really feel inside like he’s crossed a line somehow and I’m sick of it.
He is actually lovely most of the time but just seems to always be thinking he’s a comedian and I just want an actual adult husband who can have a normal conversation without stupid comments.
For example he is watching footie on Tv and every time there’s a minute silence before the game he doesn’t shut up with comments about it I’m like it’s respect for gods sake aargh

Over reacting? You're barely reacting at all. Your screaming is still on the inside. Why is this? Where did you learn that you need to keep your feelings quiet to keep the peace?

he just keeps going on that comedians do jokes like that all the time.

I wouldn't watch a comedian who 'joked' like that. Your DH is a twat.

Furthermore I wouldn’t marry a guy who made jokes like that either! (Or probably stay married to him)

It would be a shit, unfunny comment regardless but the fact you use a wheelchair yourself adds an extra element of insult. How thoughtless.

Unfortunately always, I’m currently seeing an amazing counsellor who tells me exactly the same

Keep seeing your counsellor.

People who make "jokes" like this are twats. Whether or not anyone pays them to.

he sounds deeply unpleasant
but surely he must be regularly saying things like this.

and your reaction seems bizarre if he’s always making disabilist “jokes” why would you expect differently.

and surely fact you’re in a wheelchair and is “lovely” most of the time means that he does a heck of a lot to practically support you day on and day out?

It’s just tiring as it’s like this 24/7, I truly think he doesn’t say it to be mean but he’s just ‘well you knew what I was like’ or ‘ this is me’
I really tried to explain it this time but it’s just ‘it’s a funny comment’ if I keep pushing it it will end up a huge argument where he will totally blow up and overreact.
I don’t want it to happen in front of the kids & their pals but he completely doesn’t care who would be around.
it’s like no filter, I really think he’s strongly got adhd or something and he agrees. It seems the older he gets the more it becomes obvious.

I thought the days of laughing at disability etc was long gone. The fact that he does it when you have a disability too is staggeringly shit. He has no respect for you. Please keep talking to your counsellor, I reckon she is going to be the voice of reason and support you need.

Not always, OP. Nobody is born with this trait. As a baby you will have screamed for your needs to be met, just like the rest of us. When did your feelings start becoming second? Ill parent? Addicted parent? Dismissive parent? Parents fighting? Demanding sibling? It started somewhere.

Have a think about when you stopped being listened to, as a kid. Have a think about when it made more sense to put up with your unpleasant feelings, rather than voice them.

The opposite is actually true, other than his actual job I do EVERYTHING the shopping, housework, kids taxi - the whole mental load of running a house.

Sunshinesometimes · 21/03/2014 22:09
Thank you all , leaving plan is that he ll be the one leaving - house is in my name and I m the one that looks after everything. Either things change or the door will be locked with a bag waiting for him, I've enough to deal with without any more stress.

9 years ago. I presume it didn’t happen?

Can I ask why you made this comment

Well you were the one who described him as “lovely” most of the time!!

He is lovely in that he’s honest, faithful, would give me his last penny.
but he just has no filter, he would do anything for me but he needs clear detailed instructions if I want him to do anything

OP, I have ADHD and ASD and would be mortified if I said something that offensive by accident. I can't imagine saying or laughing about things like that deliberately. Maybe he is ND but it reads like he is deliberately insulting you and when you say he doesn't care who hears it, it's likely he is trying to humiliate you. He is not a good man and I bet people on the outside of your relationship would be equally horrified about the jokes he makes knowing their relevance to you.

But why would he say the same about me?
also I can’t even remember the incident you are talking about but I will try to look.
i think it probably just became normal and nothing out of the ordinary any more

"He is lovely in that he’s honest, faithful, would give me his last penny".

Your relationship is bar is sub level low isn't it if these are the only good points you can think of. This is the barest of bare minimal requirements.

And I doubt very much that he is in any way nuerodiverse either. He is just a common and or garden abusive person.

he told me to stop being stupid and as I walked away I got a shock as something hit me on the back, I turned around and he had thrown a toy at me - it was a fairly soft toy but threw hard and he knows even a too firm touch really feels tender on my back.

it is alarming that you think of him as “lovely” most of the time OP. To me, he sounds deeply and intrinsically unpleasant and I wouldn’t want him around me, and more importantly, my children.

Eh I laughed when I read his joke, many people do have more lighthearted senses of humour.

Maybe you’ve grown apart if this is impacting you so much