Would this bother you? New boyfriend

[2times2]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 9 months now. I have 2 kids under 4 that he hasn’t met yet and probably won’t for a while. They spend half the week with their dad.
I see my boyfriend most evenings that my kids aren’t with me, we have dinner and usually stay over. Back story is my boyfriend lives a 10 minute walk/ few minute drive from me.
my ex husband is away now for 10 nights so the children will be with me the whole time. My boyfriend said he “won’t see me for ages now”. I said why not? As sometimes he would pop in for an hour when the kids go to bed. He said he has plans to go to the gym during the week?
now I’m all for him doing his own thing but I would have expected to see him at least once over next week or so, we both work full time so the evening is the only opportunity.
its made me reflect on our relationship a bit, I definitely prioritise time with him during my free time but it’s made be consider if he does. Would this bother you?

Tbh, him saying that he wants to go to the gym every evening does come across as passive aggression on his part.

If he usually sometimes pops over to your place while the children are in bed, then there is no reason for that to change just because you suddenly have your children for 10 days straight. All this speculation of "maybe he wants to respect your boundaries" or "maybe he doesn't want to risk bumping into the kids if they come downstairs etc" doesn't apply as it has never been a concern or issue up to this point.

“oh I’ve loads of plans this week, I’ve the gym most nights”

This is where I would have asked why he suddenly decided to cut me out of his weekly plans and not pop round when the kids are in bed like usual. If his answer plausibly showed that he was being considerate about your feelings then I'd have just let him know it's fine and I still wanted to see him. Honestly I would still speak to him about it even though that particular moment in the conversation passed. But I don't know....this seems off to me.

He is a man loving on his own with no children. He has plenty of time for himself to go to the gym etc. I don't see why in 10 days he wouldn't attempt to see his GF even just one night, especially when it is not their norm to go that long without seeing each other. 🤔

I guess I worded my response slightly wrong in that I was trying to get at of course you are free to have your boundaries, but I don't think they work with him. If I was him I wouldn't be happy at all. I think you need to compromise a bit but of course up to you. I will warn though this could push him away. It would me.

He's got lots of plans including the gym. I don't see why that's an issue to be honest. Just because he doesn't have childcare doesn't mean his plans aren't important. I have a strict gym routine that I don't alter for anything except if my mum needs care.

It seems that he has been on board with the time constraints caused by your children's schedule, but you seem less agreeable when he makes plans to something that requires an adjustment to his availability.

In a good relationship, I think you should be accepting of his doing that which he accepts because of your circumstances.

I suppose the point is, he's the one bemoaning the 10 days of not seeing each other, and equally saying he can't pop in for an hour after the gym. The 2 don't seem to line up logically

It seems as though all of the time accommodations have to be made by the partner. I don't know that squeezing in a hour is something that I would choose over a planned visit to my gym.

The partner is on the receiving end of all of the accomdations , and the OP seems a bit peeved when she is required to accommodate.

I agree.

I can't help but think that if this post was written from the POV of the boyfriend, the responses would be quite different (especially if the genders were reversed).

I think you are in the wrong here OP - you set the boundary that you don’t want your new BF to meet your kids? That’s why he isnt coming around- why do you have an issue?

I agree with your boundary, I think you are sensible to put your DC first and not rush into introductions.
IF your boyfriend only wants you for sex and you’re finding that out now, then you were right to be cautious.
If he is just giving you space, then there will be plenty of time to introduce.
Time will tell. You’re at that point when things either get more serious or fizzle out.
He’s probably thinking the same. Stay calm for now.

And yes, the situation and the restrictions are not ideal for him so he may be having a think. But that’s no reason for you to suddenly drop your boundaries.

Just tell him what you're feeling x

It's behaviour from him that is open to interpretation. The way he brought it up was in a fishing underhand way which was putting it on you that it's because you have the DC's you can't meet. But really, he wanted to make it clear to you that he has a life outside of you and assert his independence but only when he knows you are tied at home.
Has he mentioned how his previous relationships went to you? It looks to me that your set-up suits his needs well. He has half the week being able to do his own thing, knowing that you're at home with DC, so not able to go out. But whenever you don't have the DC he is there. I think that may show a certain level of insecurity and lack of trust towards you, whereas you obviously trust what he is doing when you don't see him .

Do you go out with friends etc when you are child free, or just see him? If not, test the waters, see how he is about it, if you tell him you are going out doing your own thing. It's not healthy to just have him as a support anyway because its conditional and can be withdrawn at any time. I think he's being a tad fishy tbh.

Isn't that a deal-breaker? If he would like his own children, and you're onot sure you want more, how do you see this relationship progressing?

It would bother me a bit. If he’s a nice man he might mean he won’t get under your feet.

Ten days in the gym and he’ll be like my Hot Stuntmen 2023 calendar by the time you get him back though OP

Sounds like your both at different stages in life, he knows your kids are your priority and where most of your free time will be spent, he probably feels left out as he has alot more free time on his hands, but he should know that when dating someone with kids and for him wanting his own one day and you allready have your own and not wanting more will just lead to a breakup anyways long term, best be honest with each other so can both find someone with similar long term goals