New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

I second that Dior, super pressie too

PC, be honest now, are you thinking about H in relation to DD and only DD? Or, could the fact you are feeling a little low due to your friends leaving be causing your mind to drift towards H?
The thing to remember, to keep focussed, is that the way he parents may not be your way but, you are not able to force a change of that. You may not like it but, you have to leave him to it otherwise, you are going to end up in conflict with him again.

On the otherhand, if you find he is in your mind because you are wondering how he is and you wouldn't mind talking to him, you could call him as a friend and just ask how he is doing. There's no law against that and, it might just help get things back on track again xx

TFM yep you're probably right it isn't just about dd.

i don't want to contact him tho. i doubt he'd answer anyway which would upset me more. i don't even know what i'd say to him.

i'm lonely and i want to be family with someone who cares about me and cares about dd.

he can't give me what i want. even if dialogue started again he would only let me down again.

i've tried to change how i react to him and for a short while it worked. i let my guard down and thought we could maintain something amicable but he couldn't do it.

MacD, SO relieved to hear Lily is going to be OK - this IS a Happy Day! You must be feeling shaky still - but what a relief that she's come through. Give her a cuddle from all of us !

Looking forward to seeing as many of you as poss on the 16th - Wagamama's it is, then - as they sound more child friendly than the other place, which I originally thought of as an evening venture minus little 'uns. I haven't been there - can you book? What sort of time would people like to meet up?

Try to stay strong PC. Do something nice for yourself and try to change your focus. I totally understand how you feel and what you want. H is not the answer to that though, he is just the only thing you know so it's only natural that your mind will drift towards him, your sort of comfort blanket. You will meet someone, you and dd will be part of a loving family but my love, whilever you are in this mindset I fear you are not ready to welcome it yet anyway. You need a H detox! xx

Hi Tanee

TFM, what's that saying? something like the mind is strong but the flesh is weak?

can't remember but essentially, you're right that i'm not in the right mindset to meet someone. certainly not ready for all that emotional investment and trust.

i kinda feel like this is still a bit of grieving for what i expected to have but don't iyswim.

just joined this site [[www.singlewithkids.co.uk] and going to see what i can do to kickstart myself and get a holiday planned!

You have a big gaping hole in your heart/life and you just want to fill it. I remember it well. Trouble is, if you keep on going back, filling it with more of the same, you will always have a big gaping hole in your heart/life.

Well done for signing up to that website. Thats a positve step in the right direction. I know you may not feel it at the moment PC but, you are doing great you know. You have bought a house, you hold down a good job, you raise your gorgeous DD single handed, phew! A man in your life is not the be all and end all (believe me!) So, before you meet Mr Wonderful and get bogged down with all the 'man mess' get out there and fill your life with fun! Make the most of it! xx

i know this will sound very self pitying and wallowing but i honestly don't think i will fill it or meet mr wonderful.

i know that is really negative but i just cannot imagine a scenario where i might. on many many levels.

anyway, just spent a very hard hour assembling dd's trampoline now that the shed is clear.

she loves it but man it was bloody frustrating putting it together!

Nah, I don't think it's wallowing or self pitying, a tad negative maybe but, in your present state of mind, after all you have been through, I will allow it Trust me, once you are feeling better about everything, once you have moved on and recovered from all this, you will feel a lot differently.

Never mind putting the trampoline together, get on it and test your pelvic floor out! I wee weed when I bounced on dd's trampoline thats what having 4 kids does to you!

at tramp and pelvic floor.

i have to "brace" myself sometimes if I've got a very bad cough and that's after only one child LOL!

in the interests of being adult and taking the moral high ground, i send h a phone pic of dd on the tramp seeing as how he got it her for her b'day.

i refrained from saying "next time you buy somehting like this stick around long enough to assemble it as well!"

feel better for having got out of the house even if neighbours have had to endure me hissing at dd to "leave it alone, put it down, don't touch it, no it's not bloody ready yet"

You just couldn't resist contacting him though could you!

So, is it a case of anyone is better than no one at the moment, as long as it's an adult and you might get a bit of a lift from it?

Well done for refraining from texting the sarcastic comment though, you saved yourself a whole new thread there!

Now go for a big wee and get bouncing!

I'm thinking that you have had too much thinking time today. You haven't been busy enough to keep your mind off things. You need to start canoeing again or, maybe find another hobby that you and dd can do together, something to get you out of the house, meeting people and having some fun! Get googling! xx

well, let's say a bit of an ego boost and a diversion wouldn't go amiss.

yeah well it was a good excuse to remind him we exist

i would love to take up canoeing again but it's just not feasable.

the trouble with being me is that i can think and think and think regardless of whatever else i am doing. wish i knew where my thinking off button was

i do need to spend a bit more time with adults that i don't work with tho.

off to visit old friends for lunch tomorrow tho.

Well thats a good start, lunch with friends.

The thinking, thinking, thinking is all well and good if it ends in a result. Procrastination is not the answer!!

We will have to set a Teabag mission, to come up with ideas to get you mixing with adults outside of work. Ever fancied being an exotic dancer, good tips!

pmsl @ exotic dancing!

it's not that i don't want to, it's that there's not really any opportunity.

i only have the option of a babysitter on a weds and even then i can't take the mickey otherwise mum gets huffy!

Why don;t you just cut to the chase and join one of these online dating things, you don't actually have to date people but you do get to message some rather nice gentlemen and it can be fun

It's all harmless. I had a dabble when I was at a loose end after my divorce. I 'met' some very like minded people and enjoyed some very pleasant emails. I was too chicken ever to meet them though

I did ok with that Friends Reunited dating or whatever it's called. It created a nice diversion hust when I needed one plus, I got an ego boost too.

Don't want to what? Opportunity for what? Exotic dancing?

I understand about the babysitting. Thats why I got my 'jollies' from the online thing.
Don't be bashful. don't be shy, just get online and give it a try!!

Get a bottle of wine and a box of chocs, take all your slap off and sit in your nightie and let the suckers think they are talking to someone who looks just like Kelly Brook!

yeah maybe......

like i said, the mind is willing but the heart is not.

if it's meant to happen then it will i guess.

i just wish i didn't have to go out there looking for it

Macdoodle its so scarey when they are in hospital looking so small and hooked up to pulse monitors, oxygen etc isnt it but so amazing how fast they can turn the corner & recover. I dont think I will ever forget how I felt when my DC was in hospital - he's forgotten all about it now though. Glad Lily is on the mend though.

Baffy did you go to see the exotic dancer - as they say revenge is a dish best served cold! Sounds to me like the GW has a problem with the difference between the kind of woman who should be the mother of his child and the kind of woman he should be having sex with...I think freud called it madonna/whore complex.

I think when you are in love with a man you make so many excuses for you...god knows ive been there enough times...I can remember when that "hes not that into you book" came out it was like DING a light going on. If they WANT to make it work they will ALWAYS find a way, when they come out with all the excuses its just because they arent man enough to tell the truth or just want to hedge their bets unless they change their minds.

Its hard when you see a glipse of the person you loved but just try to remember what he has put you and your DS through.

I meant to say "I think when you are in love with a man you make so many excuses for them"

Oh Gosh! Just do it woman! You want it but then you talk yourself out of it! Your heart will be in it the first time a guy pops on your screen and says "hi", when all of his interests are the same as yours, when he sends you emails and messages that you could have written yourself because he is so like minded.

Of course you don't want to go out there and look for it but, your options are limited. You have dd so can't go out feely and you work all day so your'e not likely to cop off walking round Asda like me

At the moment you are feeling low, you need a diversion. A bit of fun. So go for it! You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. If you want to be happy you have to put a little bit of effort in sweetie

Wobbly wobbles tonight MIl let me down and upset me big time Thank god for my wonderful BF who has come in on her white horse taken DD1 off for macdonalds and sorted out my problem tomorrow ..
Don't want to be alone single mum

It will all be ok. I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment but, you will get through this Mac xx

Its always difficult at the start but one day you will suddenly realise you have got through to lunch without thinking about it.

Better you have the chance to make yourself happy than have a weak man who constantly ties you in knots and upsets you.

I can remember one of my friends saying the same to me about being alone and all the "im such a crap mum" comments because she couldnt afford everything her children wanted and left them with friends when she went out for the evening, she spent a few years on her own through choice and is now happily re-married.

You are probably exhausted after Lily being in hospital - I know I hit a major low after my DC came home, while you HAVE to keep going back and forth to the hospital etc you keep going but afterwards you just CRASH.

Just cannot stop crying and really not me at all - I do not cry I do not break down I cope I get on with it I am mostly happy....don't kbnow if Lily being so ill has broken down some barriers and TBh am not sure this is a good thing now is not a good time for me to go to pieces
Oh and in future MIL stupid cheating son can buy her cards pressies go round there with grandchildren etc etc etc I amno longer making the effort to be a wonderful DIL FUCK her

Oh and I fell out with my MIL too at the time the same as you - tbh I still hold a grudge against her now!