New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

Baffy send McD and her dd all our love, she must be so exhusted (i have only had the thorn in the foot and look at me this week). I hope she has got lots of support too, and making h do more than his fair share.

Phew! Don't think we can cope with GW and NM issues at the same time

Everytime i post advice to you, I always know you know. You know what you should do, you don't need telling, you just need us to kick you up the bum and say "do it!"

Why don't you set yourself some goals? Your first goal could be getting your own place. Give yourself a list of things that you want to do for you and, only when have you acheived what is on your list will you take another look at your relationship with GW. Give yourself something else to focus on. GW will still be there when you are at the end of the list. He will always be there so, you should never be afraid of taking a step back from him.
I just think you need some peace from all this, you need a rest from it all, a break. You need a diversion! And, (i may have got this wrong so forgive me if i have) don;t put off buying your own place 'just in case' H changes his mind. You can always rent it out xx

I just want to give you a big hug HW. The way you take responsibility for your part in your relationship is to be applauded. You don't always's have to be so nice, so forgiving and understanding though you know it might do you good to throw a wobbly every now and then!

Yes, I understand all that about the 4 kids and your needs being the bottom of the list I know that only too well! But, I can totally vouch for putting your own needs/happiness first for a change does you the world of good! in fact, it does the whole family the world of good cos happy mummy equals happy family! You have to be just a little bit selfish, takes some getting used to when you are used to being so 'giving' but, it's well worth it. Try to squeeze some 'HW' time into your easter hol, leave H with the kids and give him a taster of HW's life!

OMG about Mac's dd. Have just texted her.

Thanks for letting us know. She must be in bits.

Puts things into perspective.

I am having a very funny day today. DD was a nightmare this morning and I won't see her this evening as bf are leaving for NZ tonight. Am dreading it but am going to airport for final farewell.

Also just found a whole bunch of letters and cards from an ex which has sent me tumbling back 12 years! It's clear that he was suffering depression and I don't remember being aware of it at all at the time. In fact from the content it seems like we were both really miserable - living apart due to work etc. Even so, there's such a lot of love and support in the letters from him and he comments on how much love and support he got back from me.

The relationship ended badly when he was unfaithfull and over the 5yrs there had been episodes of DV which he got help for. But overall it's opened my eyes to just how dysfunctional H is in the way he relates to people. He's never been violent but in the last (nearly) 3 yrs he's lost all concept of what it means to love and support another person.

Really weird to look back as after things ended so badly I have only really remembered the bad stuff. Even forgotten holidays that we took together. The ex wrote "the holiday memories are always about you and being in the same space as you".

It's kinda nice to rediscover some good memories of that time.

Thanks TFM

I DO need a kick up the bum. I know that too! That's why I come here and tell you all everything

Shall we have a day off tomorrow girls and have a happy, smiley, funny day? Instead of moaning about H/P/GW shall we have a change and tell all their little silly little habits, anything daft to make us laugh!!!

So, do you have a thing for depressed men then PC or, dare I ask, are they only depressed after they meet you?

Bad joke

Me thinks it's time for a change PC. Turn off your antenna which hunts down men that need fixing and find one who is already fixed!

wish i knew how TFM!

i think they're heading for depression when i meet them and then i tip them over the edge

happy day tomorrow sounds great to me!

the only prob with depressed men PC is that, unless you are a very strong person, they pull you down with them. You can soak up their depression like a sponge!! No matter how sorry you feel for them, how much you think you can fix/help them, they are best avoided. Tell em to come back when they are fixed

Wey Hey! Here's to 'Happy Day' xx

Baffy, please send McD my wishes too. So relieved to hear DD2 is on the mend.

As for GW, I also think you should just put things on hold for the moment - though it may come to a point where you HAVE to force the divorce, to make him decide one way or the other - otherwise he's going to dither forever. Agree that OW has to be RIGHT off the radar first.

Ernest, I was convinced DD was going to be a boy. You couldn't tell on the scan - the doctor asked what I wanted (probably assuming all asian women want sons), and when I said a girl, he said 'you could be lucky' - which my ex took as a yes, but I was so keen on a daughter that I was quite sure I'd have a son. Even when she was born, I thought she was a boy (very swollen 'bits' ) - but by then, I'd have been glad whatever she was!

Love the idea of Happy Day tomorrow - though I might not be around as we've got a byelection for a councillor and I have to help out, so I won't be near a computer all day. But I'll look forward to reading everyone's contributions on Friday.

in the meantime, big hugs to all.

TFM, trouble is you can't tell when you first meet them can you?

Hindsight is 20/20 vision eh! I'd say my ex became depressed after the death of his father. We were in our mid 20s and I doubt either of us had a clue what depression was all about.

The letters make mention of sleeping a lot and a feeling of walking thru mud and too much to do/too little time etc. In retrospect I can identify all that.

I rather suspect I was far too self absorbed to really understand what was going on with him anyway. And of course I never ever believed he could be unfaithful

I suspect H was probably already a pretty sure candidate for depression when we met but again my lack of knowledge didn't pick it up.

Either way, their depression doesn't excuse their behaviour does it?

So, should I ever be in the frame of mind and have the opportunity to meet anyone new, just how on earth do I work out if they're "clean" or not?

Happy Day sounds fab, unfortunately I am out of the office all day tomorrow and now they have fixed my crackberry I can't get on MN anymore

Got to go collect dd but will give you a couple of questions to be mulling over.

Did either partner talk 'poor me' language to start with? had they been badly done to by either parents or previous partners? Did they have you thinking "Awhhh, bless him" within the first hour of talking to him?

Did they appear overly keen to be liked? Sort of sweet and dippy?

Did they walk confidently or sort of swagger with shoulders drooped and hands in pockets?

oops really must go, need a wee before i venture outside into the cold. Pelvic floor not up to prolonged wait in playground these days.

Be back soon!

lol @ need a wee!

erm, pretty much H did all of that including the walking confidently.

ex-p none of it except walk confidently.

ooh interested about your analysis now!

i am running so late too!

Message withdrawn

Well, in that case then PC, lets cut right to the chase. When you next meet a bloke and you start thinking "awhh, poor guy" or "AWhh, he is sooooo sweet" or you get that little feeling inside, like you want to take care of him, that you want to show him how nice laydee's can be - run for the door!!!

If he makes you feel sexy, interesting, powerful and like a real woman - run to lock the door!

Hi Dior, I hope the pressie is worth the wait and all the anticipation. I can't wait to find out what he's got you! I hope your ds is feeling better soon xx

lol TFM, I'll try to remember to that the next time I actually meet a guy.

altho i might be a bit distracted about whether me dentures are going to fall out and if i can manoever my walking frame so that he can't see my colostomy bag.

PC - I think we've been dating the same men! I realised long ago that I seemed to attract depressive types - so I broke the mould when I married my exh - but that didn't work either !

DP tries not to do too much 'Aw poor me', but still manages to make me sorry for him!

Here's to Happy Day! .

By the way, the restaurant I wanted for the 16th won't take bookings for more than 12 people unless we book their 'party menu' - which sounds like dinner with drinks. I've emailed to ask if they can make an exception in our case, otherwise we'll have to either try to drop some of the children so as to get the numbers down, or find somewhere else.
Can we convene on FB to see what you all think? Would be nice not to have to go to Pizza Express again....

you know, i just really really want to have a relationship with someone who gives a toss about me!

tanee, what about if we book separately then act surprised that we're all there and ask if we can push our tables together

or, we could go to wagamama at RFH, they have huge long tables we could all fit along.

PC, that sounds like a great idea - espec as Wagamama's do a children's menu. What do the others think? Do they take bookings?

PC!! Before you can expect anyone to give a toss about you, you have to give a toss about yourself. Once you love yourself and you have the right attitude you will attract the right men.

It does work you know. When I got divorced, in between depressive periods I was fab! I was confident, sexy and sassy and I did not want a bloke! My kids were enough for me and I fully intended getting them all grown up then getting a flat and a cat! But, I had bloody men falling at my feet, and that is no word of a lie! I couldn't have a man friend without him telling me he loved me, it drove me mad. I worked for a building firm at the time and I had to leave because the boss fell in love with me, he used to chase me around the office!! He really, really thought he was in love with me! And thats because I had attitude. So get some attitude! I believed in myself. Start believing in yourself PC, believe you deserve the best and you will get the best.

we love wagamamas! especially the ginger cheesecake adn chilli toffee sauce!

TFM, I know you're right!

off to airport soon

Message withdrawn

Awh, thinking of you PC. You have a really good cry, use the goodbye effectively and let it all out xx