We don’t talk anymore - am I the only lonely?

[Allezallezallez2023]

No one talks anymore

I WFH full time. (No scope to change this in the short term for complex reasons). Occasional Teams / email messages but that’s all. No friendly chats.
I no longer have work friends or work banter.

Real life friends never phone anymore. My phone calls go unanswered. Most of my friends are no longer chatty on WhatsApp - just occasional brief messages. Another friend told me “no one chats on the phone these days, it’s old fashioned”

No one wants to meet for dinner / coffee etc.

I’m in a couple of hobby groups (so please don’t suggest joining a club as I already did that), and quite frankly they keep me sane, but sadly a lot of recent meet ups have been cancelled due to Xmas / rubbish wet weather. I also don’t feel like I’ve made friends yet, more acquaintances still.

My mum is fab, she’s the only person I speak to regularly.

I have DH & Dc, but DH works long hours and isn’t a chit chat type, and DC is only 4.

I rely on social media too much, and actually got a bit upset a couple of times recently when I realised social media connections who I exchange a bit of banter with aren’t my real friends. (Long story, but that’s the gist)

Is this life in 2022? Or just me?

I was saying to someone today how life isolates us now. Wfh, too expensive to go out, online shopping, No community. Shame really

Yesss I think everyone is the same. I work from home, some days I speak to service users more than anyone else. People only call me to solve a problem for them. WhatsApp conversations are brief and I rarely speak to friends on the phone.

Now, I know that I’m going to sound old here and my dc would call me a ‘boomer’ but computers have indeed isolated us in so many ways. In the way that you describe on your OP and in the indoor way too. I stood in the middle of a field at the weekend just watching a red kite hover. I looked around me and thought about how connected we NEED to be to the countryside but in everyday life how removed from it we actually are (I realise this isn’t the same for everybody and I probably do need to get a dog to force me to be in the fields everyday). Humans need connection to other humans, animals and the countryside.

Yeah, I'm down to two real friends. I see one about once a month and we message a few times a week usually. The other, I haven't seen since October and probably won't for another couple of months. We speak on the phone once every couple of months amd message similarly. It's always me who initiates contact with both 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have acquaintances I see more often but only because I go to the pub and they're there!

My children and my boyfriend are the only people I speak to with any frequency or regularity.

I called my brother for the first time in a couple of years a few weeks ago and asked of he had time for a quick chat. His reply was "No" 🤣

My boyfriend and I have discussed getting married a few times recently but I honestly don't know who I'd invite to a wedding or even tell about it!

It's definitely worse since lockdown. I keep going out and not seeing (any) familiar faces. To begin with, I thought they must have all moved on but, when I asked, they all just stay in now.

@AnnieFarmer thankfully I do have access to countryside and walk & cycle lots. It keeps me sane.

I feel sad for people who don’t have access to nice or safe spaces to get outside.

I often listen to podcasts now. Just to break up the silence 😢

I agree. I sometimes feel lonely, yet I have a DH and grown up kids

Same here OP. Wfh all day, cook, clean up after the kids then sit on the sofa. No work friends or banter anymore. No after work drinks. It's very isolating and I'm not sure what the solution is.

My issue is the commute is so long I wouldn’t be able to return to the office (central London) due to DD. Unless I wanted to get a full time au pair and never see her.

plus no one else ever goes into the office much anyway! Last time I went in it was a ghost town.

I love the flexibility of WFH and the fact it enables me to spend more time with DD, so I’m definitely not against WFH.

I just feel sad

Same for me, only difference is I am a SAHM. Hardly ever hear from anyone anymore. It’s got gradually worse since all of the lockdowns. At the start of the pandemic I heard from more people as I think people got caught up in the drama of it and there was a bit of a push to stay connected in some way. But since that time everything seems to have dwindled away to nothing. It’s almost like everyone has vanished. I very rarely receive texts now and I rely mainly on mumsnet for some sort of social connection. I came off general social media like FB a long time ago and I realised how fake the idea of it being social was. I’ve hardly heard from anyone I was ‘friends’ with on it since. Its a world that seems connected, but is actually very disconnected.

I feel the same.

I think that while social media can be fake there are lots if groups on Facebook and this where I some my chat from. But am more listener.
And getting dog or entering another world like volunteer ing
There are lots befriended roles out there for people who want a phone call.
Who feel like you lonely for a chat.

Same boat here, apart from the fact i'm single and the DC have left home..
I can go for days without having a single conversation with anyone!
I have the radio on all day just to break the silence and hear other voices.

Same here. I have one proper friend I occasionally meet for a coffee and dh and that’s it! Dh works long hours. By the evening both of us are shattered and just stare into the Netflix abyss and then fall asleep. And on it goes. I would like to do more socially but at the same time I just feel absolutely exhausted (disabled child, my own health issues). I spent a lot of time watching Tv and just going for random walks locally to keep me sane.

In a way it’s comforting to know it’s not just me

I’ve notice too how everyone I do speak too are all feeling the same. Lonely, disconnected and a guess disillusioned with life right now. I just hope it doesn’t last otherwise the future looks bleak.

I am old, but I love this way of life. I work alone most of the time, which is fab - always hated office banter & chatter. And I'm sorry to say that all-female offices were the worst.
I have never really chatted on the phone, and I used to keep in touch with friends by letter, then email, now What's App.

I do meet up with friends, and enjoy that, but my closest friends all live a couple of hundred miles away, so obviously it's not every week.

I volunteer because I support the cause, not to meet people.

My husband is like me, so we often do different things at weekends and each enjoy some time alone. My idea of bliss is when I don't leave the house from Friday night to Monday morning and don't speak to a soul in that time - just read lots of books, listen to radio, watch TV and sleep!

Point of which is that we are all different, I guess.

It always feels a bit worse in the winter though I think and this time of year in particular. I think ig it's really getting to you you need s rethink. Your current job means you have to WFH but do you have to stay in your current job. Hello even your current career. If I had to WFH permanently I would look for another job. Just leaving my house travelling on public transport and going to the shops on my lunch makes me feel more connected and less isolated. It's only twice a week but I need it more now than ever after covid. Not a lot of people in the office e but even that doesnt bother me it's a change a different environment it breaks up my week. When the weather improves you could try a new hobby group. Maybe a walking one or cycling one and maybe that group will have that lifelong freind in it and drop one of the other hobbies. My point is you had to try change if something is to change. You arent wrong but only you can change it and it is possible.

Yep very lonely too, one DS who has severe disabilities and a DP who doesn't live with me. I have a few friends but they hate speaking on the phone. It's very isolating and I find it harder in winter.

Yes, same except no partner or family. Live alone and WFH. I fill the time, but mostly I am too tired to do much so it does seem very quiet and lonely.

There seems to be a thing going on with people hating talking on the phone, what's that about?

OP, I have lost a few social media contacts, they were hysterically funny and brightened up my day. I know it's not real friendship but things are not fun without them.

Yes, this is definitely something I have / would experience and WFH amplified it terribly.

I work hard to avoid the loneliness, book things to do with DH, inviting people for dinner, keeping up friendships with invites to girlfriends lunch, dinner, comedy nights, book club etc. I always think the amount of social stuff I am invited to directly correlates to the amount I initiate.

I love working at home and did it for years pre lockdown, but friends have just vanished and interaction with them meant I never felt lonely. I must admit, I am surprised - but kind of relieved - to see that people with partners etc are feeling this too.

there are many threads like this on MN so hopefully we will find each other. I am hoping to move and then fingers crossed for the whole "meeting people" exercise.

I messaged a friend yesterday & we arranged to speak this morning. Haven’t heard from her 😢Just not sure what’s going on with people these days?!

I love WFH but yes I feel this too. It's like post covid people have stayed in their bubbles.

This resonates so much with me. I have been retired for several years, but didn't make any friends at my various workplaces as I am a bit of a nomadic recluse. Since lockdown it hasn't got any better either. DH is a writer, so that occupies much of his working day and conversation is limited to 'do you want a drink'. Sad that it's come to this. My most meaningful dialogue is in emails with his friend from way back