Ghosted by friend of 35 years

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I've been ghosted by a close friend of 35 years for no reason that is apparent to me. This happened 3 months ago.
After having a few messages ignored, I did reach out to ask why in November but was left as unread.

It's clear from her Facebook posts that nothing awful has happened in her life to stop her being in touch so obviously she just doesn't want to be.

I've now accepted that the friendship is over and that at this point I wouldn't want it back anyway as it's been so painful to go through. My friend isn't local but we had long phonecalls most weeks.

It's taking me a long time though to get over it. I still think about it every day, usually more than once a day, and today I actually cried about it. I am having counselling at the moment so I do have support. Does anyone have any advice as to how to lessen the painful feelings or is it simply a matter of more time required?

A half an hour coffee could easily be done but op wanted to prioritise her dh whom she sees daily. So it didn't happen.

@clutchingatpearls thank you for these thoughts. Maybe the stand out one for me is that my friend is long time single with no DC and I am married and have a DD. I think she needs people she can meet up with in person and go and do things with. I struggle to do this much both due to health reasons and having much less disposable income than she does. I can't afford to go on holiday with my friend for example when I can't even afford a holiday with my family. She is on a month long holiday in the sun right now so I'm certainly not about to jet over there to try and force a conversation in person.

It seems strange as well as so painful to me that she needs to cut me dead with no explanation but que sera I guess.

I feel like I should probably unfriend on FB as this might help me to move on rather than pick at the scab iyswim. It just seems so final even though I know the relationship is now over for me regardless of whether my friend gets in touch again at some future point.

I'm kindling some new friendships at the moment with some wonderful women who share one of my main interests. This is very uplifting to the spirit.
I have very much appreciated all of the insights and support on this thread.

That is precisely what my oldest and closest friend did when I cooled the friendship because she felt unavailable and took our friendship foregranted for too long.
My friend turned up and insisted we talk it out, that I was the closest thing to a sister she had ever had, and whatever the problem she would do all she could to fix it, because I meant the world to her. When presented with her true emotions, and seeing how much she cared, it stopped me in my tracks. I could see how much she loved me.

She was true to her word, and we got over our problems and that was ten years ago. I am so glad she did wade in. Yes, this approach wouldn't work for everyone, but it does can work with very close long term friends.
Obv not everyone will have the ending they want, but it clears the air worst case, and can really heal rifts best case.

In person contact is almost always best.

@Swissmountains my friend would have had to drive half an hour to meet up so I don't think a half hour coffee would have cut it for her.

For me, a half hour one to one phone call where we could talk freely would be way more valuable than a half hour coffee with my DH in tow making small talk. My friend probably see it differently.

Similarly I wouldn't expect her to look me up in similar circumstances but I think she sees things differently. We are all different as can be seen from the replies on this thread, sometimes the differences can't be accommodated or worked through. I wish though that my friend had told me what the issue was and that we could have at least had a final conversation. I do feel that it has been super disrespectful not to do this and this is my own boundary.

@Swissmountains two years ago I would have done the same.

In my view, if you really wanted to - you could get the closure you say you need/or the repair to the friendship. You are choosing not to, I guess because perhaps you don't want to hear what she has to say/her friendship does not matter that much to you.

Maybe she doesn't know what to do, so she isn't doing or saying anything.

After thirty five years I think you owe each other a conversation. Pick up the phone if you don't want to drive there.

For all you know something much bigger may have happened to her. Without actually calling you will never know.

Look, you can either wallow in the sadness of the loss, or take some action - call her and find out what she has to say. At least if it is a goodbye, you will have some answers and can start the process of healing and getting over it.

In my experience your newer friends are nice, but no one knows you like your old friends and they are usually the ones that are there through thick and thin lets face it. I really hope it works out for you.