Ew. Wtaf just happened...

[Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton]

I'll try and keep it brief.
Went to visitl dhs family member and her dh earlier today. Haven't seen them since pre covid (2019)
Her dh insisted I go into the kitchen with him then tried to kiss me, then gave me times next week to phone him when cousin isn't home. To arrange "time alone" !!!???
He's 77 ffs
I'm utterly baffled, slightly nauseated and pretty offended tbh
So premeditated!
Maybe he's losing his marbles?
(You don't have to be mad to fancy me but it helps...)
I was about to ask if everything was OK when his wife (the cousin) walked into the kitchen!
Followed closely by my dh and dc!
Ugh.
I feel dirty 😪
Obviously, I cut the visit as short as I could and told dh as soon as we got home.
We are both wtf!!??😲😲😲
Won't be phoning him btw!
I've just told dh we need to avoid all future meetings. Shouldn't be too hard.
Any insights?
Advice?
I'm honestly blindsided by this 😔

Didn't know where else to post this, sorry

Dementia is the first thing that I thought of.

He seemed "normal" in other respects, conversation etc

Ugh.

How horrible

I'd suggest a mental health / cognitive impairment problem of some sort too.

But stay away. Far far away.

Out of interest if the woman relative is his cousins how old are you, dh and the woman?

Same, especially if he hasn't shown an interest in you that way before now.

Might be wrong though and he's just a creep.

I would take this quite seriously and not be quite so dramatic and childish. I'd speak to my dh and I would phone his wife. I would be enquiring as to what's happening in his life.

Take the close connection out of it and this is sexual assault. Dementia is complex bit a 77 year old is fully capable of an assault. I know this from experience.

I am sorry this has happened to you. If this is Dementia related, then are other visitors to his household at risk? His partner? This is not going to be an isolated incident seeing how you were checked on by your cousin so quickly.. do you think she knows of her husbands behaviour?

If this is something new from someone you've presumably known a long time, I'd be worried for them.

Him 77
Cousin 74
Me 50

Yeah

Really, really weird

Childish?

How so?

I've told my dh as soon as I could

For all I is know his wife knows

They have plenty of family locally

The seeming normal thing doesn't mean there isn't something going on cognitively. DH's mother managed to hide her issues for years through carefully managing situations and almost using scripts to help keep her on track.

DH should go and see the cousin to discuss this properly and set up an assessment. That all said, it doesn't make it any less distressing for you OP and I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Oh that's kind of you thank you x

I feel quite sick tbh

I'll ask dh to ask his mum if she's noticed anything

Inappropriate behaviour is a sign of dementia. Oh dear.

Well.

It can be. Well documented in fact

Does he have Parkinson's and could this behaviour be the result of medication? See:

www.fightparkinsons.org.au/parkinsons-and-you/impulsive-and-compulsive-behaviours/

Yes, it's very sad, but it is, especially frontotemporal dementia.

Dementia was my first thought also. Still horrible for you and I completely understand why you feel sick but as PP have said, this kind of sexualised, inappropriate behaviour is a recognised symptom of dementia. If he’s never behaved like this around you before, I think this may be the most likely explanation.

Wasn't there a carer post this week about an elderly male letching over her? It's probably a dementia type thing but the wife needs to know really.

No

My dh thinks not dementia related as it was so premeditated?

He's just bought a sports car too.

Dh thinks it late life crisis

Sorry to say it, but sounds premeditated to me too.
Possibly some kind of crisis, personally I’d probably just avoid them in future to avoid any arguments etc

When MIL's closest friend of over 60 years developed dementia she told her she was having an affair with FIL, going into minute detail. At this point he'd been dead for over twenty years!
MIL herself had a psychotic break in her early 80s following a fall. The delirium was heartbreaking because to her it was very real, albeit temporary, unlike dementia. Some of the less outing rants (there were many) included DH (her son!) and DS bringing shame on the family name for being arrested because DH was a paedophile! She called me to warn me there were TV crews set up outside the hospital and my house waiting to interview me. I say this because if someone I'd known well for many years had a sudden dramatic change of behaviour I'd suspect there was something medically wrong with them, not that they wanted an affair.

I think that's the conclusion dh and i have come to tbh

Weird, weird day!