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Original poster

Ew. Wtaf just happened...

60 replies

Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 18:14

I'll try and keep it brief.
Went to visitl dhs family member and her dh earlier today. Haven't seen them since pre covid (2019)
Her dh insisted I go into the kitchen with him then tried to kiss me, then gave me times next week to phone him when cousin isn't home. To arrange "time alone" !!!???
He's 77 ffs
I'm utterly baffled, slightly nauseated and pretty offended tbh
So premeditated!
Maybe he's losing his marbles?
(You don't have to be mad to fancy me but it helps...)
I was about to ask if everything was OK when his wife (the cousin) walked into the kitchen!
Followed closely by my dh and dc!
Ugh.
I feel dirty 😪
Obviously, I cut the visit as short as I could and told dh as soon as we got home.
We are both wtf!!??😲😲😲
Won't be phoning him btw!
I've just told dh we need to avoid all future meetings. Shouldn't be too hard.
Any insights?
Advice?
I'm honestly blindsided by this 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 18:58

Loachworks · 07/01/2023 18:54

When MIL's closest friend of over 60 years developed dementia she told her she was having an affair with FIL, going into minute detail. At this point he'd been dead for over twenty years!
MIL herself had a psychotic break in her early 80s following a fall. The delirium was heartbreaking because to her it was very real, albeit temporary, unlike dementia. Some of the less outing rants (there were many) included DH (her son!) and DS bringing shame on the family name for being arrested because DH was a paedophile! She called me to warn me there were TV crews set up outside the hospital and my house waiting to interview me. I say this because if someone I'd known well for many years had a sudden dramatic change of behaviour I'd suspect there was something medically wrong with them, not that they wanted an affair.

I don't know them that well really.
Met over the years at family occasions etc

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 07/01/2023 19:01

I've had a lot of experience (non-professional) with dementia, it sounds quite probable

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 07/01/2023 19:04

Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 18:44

My dh thinks not dementia related as it was so premeditated?

Many years ago I did a stint as a carer and we had an elderly gentleman with dementia.

Women weren't allowed to enter his room alone as he would behave like this. You could see it as soon as you walked in.

So it can definitely be premeditated.

Mirabai · 07/01/2023 19:08

This happened to a friend of my parents and it turned out to be a brain tumour.

So either he was always a perv but you didn’t realise or something’s gone really wrong.

Original poster
Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 19:21

Mirabai · 07/01/2023 19:08

This happened to a friend of my parents and it turned out to be a brain tumour.

So either he was always a perv but you didn’t realise or something’s gone really wrong.

Oh dear :(
I'm wondering if I need to make enquiries:(

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 19:23

Thank you all for your replies btw

OP posts:
ChocHotolate · 07/01/2023 19:51

I'm afraid I've known a couple of older men become more openly sexual and predatory as they age. No diagnosis of dementia and no other signs over the following few years.

Blueblell · 07/01/2023 19:52

Hmm! Not nice for you, if it is out of character I would assume some cognitive issue at that age. Have heard anecdotal stories or bladder infections in older people causing strange behaviour.

Original poster
Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 19:54

Blueblell · 07/01/2023 19:52

Hmm! Not nice for you, if it is out of character I would assume some cognitive issue at that age. Have heard anecdotal stories or bladder infections in older people causing strange behaviour.

No illness as far as we know

OP posts:
Goosefatroasts · 07/01/2023 19:54

This is textbook signs of dementia. I worked with one elderly gent who’s granddaughter walked in to his kitchen and he momentarily forgot she was his granddaughter. He laughed out loud and said Jesus what I would do to bend you over right now. It all transpired in the end that he had gone back to his military days and thought he was a young lad (rightly or wrongly odling a young woman’s behind).

Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions.

Original poster
Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 19:57

Goosefatroasts · 07/01/2023 19:54

This is textbook signs of dementia. I worked with one elderly gent who’s granddaughter walked in to his kitchen and he momentarily forgot she was his granddaughter. He laughed out loud and said Jesus what I would do to bend you over right now. It all transpired in the end that he had gone back to his military days and thought he was a young lad (rightly or wrongly odling a young woman’s behind).

Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions.

I'm going to speak to a family member and see what they think.

It's just utterly blindsided me

OP posts:
Goosefatroasts · 07/01/2023 19:59

@Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton

It would do I’m sure. When you work with people who have dementia though this is honestly so run of the mill…. Do some investigations, there will be other signs too that perhaps the wife might be denying. It’s all incredibly frightening unfortunately 😢 (thags if it is dementia of course).

Woolwichgirl · 07/01/2023 20:01

Am curious.Does this dementia only turn old men into creeps?
Because so far I have never heard of dementia causing old ladies to act sexually inaprioriately.Bit convenient if you ask me.🙄

Cuckfancer · 07/01/2023 20:05

Just to add another point of view, I worked in dementia care for some years and there were only a couple of men (out of hundreds) who presented a sexual risk. There were plenty of inappropriate comments from both sexes but it was mainly jokey/ reliving banter that would have been perceived as ok in their younger days.

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 20:05

In any case his wife needs to be told. Whatever it is, he could do to someone else and shit could get real.

Original poster
Thatsasmashingblouseyouvegoton · 07/01/2023 20:09

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 20:05

In any case his wife needs to be told. Whatever it is, he could do to someone else and shit could get real.

They've moved a lot all over the UK often at short notice - escaping irate husbands!?

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 07/01/2023 20:14

Inappropriate and sexually impulsive behaviour can also be a early sign of Parkinsons

TempyBrennan · 07/01/2023 20:26

Woolwichgirl · 07/01/2023 20:01

Am curious.Does this dementia only turn old men into creeps?
Because so far I have never heard of dementia causing old ladies to act sexually inaprioriately.Bit convenient if you ask me.🙄

It happens in women too, but never taken as seriously as it’s just ‘old Brenda chatting up the new staff’ type thing, which is depressing in itself.

but yes, it happens in women with dementia too.

Goosefatroasts · 07/01/2023 20:29

@Woolwichgirl

Does happen with women but more men in my experience.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 07/01/2023 20:34

Yuk. You poor thing. I’d stay away, even if it is dementia he could repeat the behaviour.

Barwickunited · 07/01/2023 21:05

Yep when I worked in dementia care I had both men and women make advances on me. More so men.

Francisca459 · 07/01/2023 21:07

This happened to me with a gentleman I had worked for part-time for three years. He was very nice but our relationships was business-like and polite. He was 78 . One day I went in to his house to work (I had a key) and he pounced on me and grappled with me in the corridor tried to kiss me. He had never shown anything like this before at all. I was so horrified but extricated myself and left. I resigned from the job the next day saying the arrangement was no longer possible for me to continue with. I learned two months later than he had been diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson's Disease and he died very soon after that.
I wonder if something is wrong with him, OP? I'm sorry because I know how horrible and awkward it was for me :(

TabithaTittlemouse · 07/01/2023 21:11

Woolwichgirl · 07/01/2023 20:01

Am curious.Does this dementia only turn old men into creeps?
Because so far I have never heard of dementia causing old ladies to act sexually inaprioriately.Bit convenient if you ask me.🙄

Of course it does! Plenty of women become quite sexually inappropriate when experiencing dementia.

SandyY2K · 07/01/2023 21:14

They've moved a lot all over the UK often at short notice - escaping irate husbands!?

So he's had stuff going on work married women before?

Luckymummytoone · 07/01/2023 21:21

I’d speak to your cousin - it could have easily been one of your children this happened too!