WWYD? New partner smokes, told him I don’t like it and could he brush teeth in morning before we kiss and he won’t, said I’ve offended him?

[Redflagsmoking]

Basically all in the title. Boyfriend of less than a year. He smokes regularly. Doesn’t brush teeth going to bed and in morning then tries to kiss/initiate sex and I just hate the taste. He got offended and said I’ve made him some like he’s rotten. Sometimes it’s worse than others e.g if he has been drinking night before and smoking more. When I get up in morning I always brush my teeth

Dump him. He is an adult and he should know what to do.

I can understand the occasional sleeping without brushing but the fact he doesn't understand the need to brush before kissing you particularly after not brushing the night before shows:

• he is inconsiderate
• he is lazy
• he is selfish
• his ideas of hygiene are out of line of most population

This will creep into other areas, you know... the lazy inconsiderate unhygienic thing will be a reflection on other areas in his life.

That's gross. I couldn't continue the relationship.

I wouldn't want to kiss someone before getting out of bed even if they were a non-smoker who'd brushed their teeth the night before. Surely that's normal?
Seems to me that the issue is more about him trying to kiss you before brushing, than about him being a smoker?
Does he have a poor sense of taste and maybe not realise that morning breath is horrible to most people?

said I’ve made him some like he’s rotten.

Nope. He's made himself 'rotten' by not cleaning his teeth. So in addition to the other demerits he blames you for a problem entirely of his making and easy for him to rectify.

Why are you even dating a smoker? How gross. Raise the bar.

It doesn’t matter what he does he is going to smell of fags.
Either you accept it or dump him (I would)

Dump him for his poor dental hygiene and for reacting as a toddler when you asked him to accommodate your minimal and reasonable needs.

Yuck.

He's not going to change his behaviour and doesn't think he is doing anything wrong.

If you don't like the taste of kissing a smoker (I wouldn't either) then he is not a suitable partner for you. I would tell him it's not working for me and finish with him.

By the way, kissing transfers the bacteria in his mouth to yours. Smokers have dodgier teeth and gums, statistically and add on this his lax oral hygiene.. wow wow wow we have a party. When you kiss him you are importing his collection of bacteria and some bacteria strains are very bad for your teeth and gums. He could give you disease basically.

You might even get thrush from him going down on you.

Get rid.

I knew he was a smoker when we first met and to be honest it is usually a deal breaker for me but I wasn’t looking anything serious but we ended up really falling for eachother. That’s the back story.
generally he is quite considerate with the smoking and doesn’t smoke around me. During the day I don’t mind so much kissing him but it’s the combination of morning breath/alcohol/smoke that I dislike

I used to be a smoker many years ago.

I met my DP who had already quit smoking himself a few months before and he told me when he kissed me it was like kissing an ashtray.

It’s not nice to think you stink when you’re trying to be intimate. So I decided to use that as the motivation I needed to quit. He didn’t ask me to. I decided I liked him enough to make the effort to quit it.

Your boyfriend would know already he tastes and smells of fags. You wouldn’t have told him anything he didn’t already know. You’ve not asked him to quit, just to brush his teeth so you don’t have to taste it. Perfectly reasonable request.

But if he won’t and it’s too much for you I’d finish it and date a non smoker.

He's not a prince but just another frog. Never mind how you feel, you've hurt me. Tosser. Get a smoke free one.

If he truly wanted to kiss you, then he would brush his teeth.

It's toothpaste on a little brush and three minutes.
You're not asking him to climb Everest.

Morning breath is revolting even without adding on stale smoke.

His attitude about this is an indicator of his attitude in general. Don't care how you feel or what you want. Do what I want and don't complain.

What Would I Do? Well as a lifelong non-smoker I wouldn't date someone who smokes, full stop. I also wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't brush their teeth before getting into bed with me and then expects me to kiss them them the next morning before brushing. So this person would get the elbow on two counts, for smoking and also for bad oral hygiene. Bin him.

I wouldn't want to get into bed with a man who hadn't brushed his teeth, even if he wasn't a smoker.

If he used to brush his teeth when you met, and doesn't any more then he just can't be arsed. Morning breath is bad enough, never mind if you've not brushed your teeth before bed, plus you've been smoking fags.

It's fine for you to have standards and say you don't find that an acceptable level of personal hygeine.

It's also fine for him to choose to be offended, but he doesn't get to share a bed with you unless he brushes his teeth!

That’s really gross. I couldn’t kiss someone with regular morning breath but with the smoking on top, yuk.

He is disgusting. Not cleaning his teeth? And smoking? Bet he has skid marks in his pants too

It sounds like he was on best behavior to start but now can't be arsed, if you have asked him about it and he refuses to go back to that initial effort then I don't see a way forward for the relationship without The Ick growing.

I should add that my dp is a smoker. He does not kiss me with a smelly mouth. It's basic courtesy and respect. If he acted like your bf I'd be thinking twice about the relationship.

Looks like the old bait and switch. Waited until you fell for him to unleash his true self.

Stinky breath smoker and drinker.
🤮

The brushing before bed is far more important than the one on the morning. He's an idiot.

No way I'd want to kiss morning gob. You'll have to choose whether this is something you can live with though. He's unlikely to change.

Uggh! This is the hill to die on.

Why won't he stop smoking? It's vile, expensive and deadly.

He does brush his teeth in the morning when he’s up and has his shower etc

I remember reading somewhere that a bafflingly large number of people only brush their teeth once a day: BEFORE breakfast each morning. This is the point at which the mouth bacteria have had all night (and all the previous day) to inflict their damage on the teeth, and just before the first meal of the day brings in a whole new batch of bacteria. It's totally illogical.

OP, is this what your partner does?

The only smoker I would consider dating is Cormoran Strike.

Also, this is rank:

Doesn’t brush teeth going to bed and in morning then tries to kiss/initiate sex and I just hate the taste