Is MIL being unreasonable?

[PositiveThoughtsWine]

I’m 5 months pregnant. My MIL is very disinterested in our lives. When me and hubby visit she doesn’t ask anything about the baby, our appointments, scans or how I’ve been. She hasn’t asked if we need anything for the baby - she’s not short of cash and if she was just showing she cared would be appreciated. At Christmas she bought both her sons children Christmas presents, she didn’t buy our “bump” anything.
When we moved in to our house she didn’t offer to help or buy us anything.
When we got married she didn’t offer to help with anything or show an interest. Husbands, Dad is not on the scene.
understandably, there’s a lot to do in our house to get ready for the arrival of our baby. MIL keeps asking husband to do jobs in her house - his brothers also help but it’s a never ending list! He’s tried explaining how busy we are but she questioned him! I’m very much do “anything for anyone” but I’ve has enough! She does nothing for us and wants things in return or an explanation why! I’ve had enough and told my husband to tell her, no! My parents are very different! AIBU?

I wouldn't really expect her to buy Christmas presents for a child that isn't here yet, a bit of interest would be nice though

She is obviously in her own little world and a bit self centred, but not unreasonable such. I've never heard of anyone buying a bump a gift. It's a shame she doesn't ask how you are and how the pregnancy is.

Sorry but your expectations could do with some review. I’ve never ever heard of someone getting a present for a bump (a bump!!) and in fact that would be seen as inappropriate and tempting fate by many people.

Your MIL may also think you’re expecting too much excitement from her at this relatively early stage.

just chill a bit and let things take their course.

I've never heard of anyone buying a 'bump' a Christmas present, so no I don't think that's unreasonable of her. It's a shame she isn't more interested in how you are doing, but I think many people just assume all is well unless told otherwise. I'd rather that than someone prying and asking for daily updates!

Your baby is the centre of your world, and your husband's. Your MIL has other GC and her own life. I don't think she's being unreasonable - it's just how she is.

There are lots of stories on here of over-invested GPs (I had to suffer one) - it's much easier to deal with one who's a but disinterested!

It wouldn't even occur to me to buy a present for a bump. Also you're not entitled to financial help from her, regardless of how much money she has. It does sound like she's in her own bubble a bit, but that's probably just who she is.

Also you may see it as she does nothing for you, but don't forget she spent a huge chunk of her life raising your husband and his brothers.

You expected a gift for your bump? Really?

The rest of it is on your DH to solve. His priority should be you and his own home, not his mother's. But he needs to say no and set boundaries.

appreciate all the replies 😊

Why on earth would she buy a bump a gift?

And where is FIL in this?

babies need lots of things. I suppose my thinking is the present would help her son out. Bottles, rocker etc. She never got her son anything either.

FIL is not with us anymore. 🙁

You seem to just resent her for not giving you money or buying you stuff. Very unreasonable and grabby. She could have asked after you and your health in the pregnancy though.

I suspect like most people if she is going to buy anything for the baby she will do so after it has been born. So on that basis YABU

OP lower your expectations a bit BUT on the whole you are painting a picture of a woman who is actually quite unhelpful. It will no doubt be a common theme as time goes on. My MIL isn’t interested in us either and it’s actually quite the blessing now 😜.

It's ridiculous to moan because you didn't get a gift for a 'bump'.

😂😂😂 thank you.

@PositiveThoughtsWine

I personally would have asked if you needed anything for the baby… a rocker/a steriliser etc. Just a token item to at least show interest. I presume nothing at all when you moved in to your house?

does sound very disinterested

It would be nice if she was more interested, but you can expect her to financially support your choices. She's not your personal cash point.

Why the laughing emojis? Many people don’t buy things for babies not yet born because they can die. Do you think that’s funny? You sound v young.

I’m a mil and a grandmother. It never occurred to me to buy anything for my pregnant daughter’s bump though I do think not asking after your health is a bit mean.

i don’t think OP is asking for financial support just some interest for example when we got married my mum offered to pay for the flowers. When we moved into my house she offered to buy us a washing machine. When we had a baby she bought us a steriliser. These are all items that don’t break the bank but do show someone that you’re thinking of them and you are interested.

Nothing at all from my MIL which is no shock as she’s a cold, disinterested and very lonely woman.

Nothing when we moved in, got married or as of yet for the baby. My family are very different and my husband has started to comment that he feels his mum doesn’t care and only rings when she wants something. he said he’s not helping her anymore, which I agreed with. I’m always the one that sends him round to help. But it’s horrible seeing him thinking his mum doesn’t care.

@PositiveThoughtsWine

a red flag right there. Only ringing him when SHE wants something.

Surely when she asks DH to do stuff and he doesn’t have time, he can just, you know not do it. It’s very simple really I don’t get why people make it hard.

As for expecting Xmas present for the bump, that’s just a bit weird. Did you do a “to grandma from the bump” present?