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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hand hold please, I have just properly cut ties with my mum

84 replies

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 31/12/2022 11:20

She cut contact with me over an imaginary fall out in May 2022. Waited until the middle of December to get back in touch (because she wanted to see my boys at Christmas)

According to my poor very elderly grandad she was waiting on an apology from me. For what I'm don't know, I had not fallen out with her.

Theres obviously way more to this whole can of bollocks but i'm not up to it right now. I feel panicky and anxious and sad. Despite my DH agreeing with my decision so I know I am NBU. I am still doubting myself.

I always give more than I get with her. She is horrid to me but love bombs my kids. They keep asking when they will see nana again and I don't know what to say. I have so far explained that nana has fallen out with mummy and mummy is waiting for nana to stop being silly as I haven't fallen out with her.

So much to unpack I honestly feel like crying but I find that hard. And the kids are here and I'm alone with them so I cant really even if I could.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lordofthebutterfloofs · 31/01/2023 19:59

#butts forever 😁

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 31/01/2023 23:26

Awww @FantasticButtocks it's great when MN is at its best & PP inspire each other without even knowing it. Social contagion, with a positive spin for a change!

KettrickenSmiled · 31/01/2023 23:28

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 31/01/2023 19:59

#butts forever 😁

Have quite enough butt to be going on with thank you VERY much young Butterfloofs 😎

Ydkiml · 01/02/2023 07:01

Write your grandad a letter explaining why you have cut ties with your mother. Write all the reasons you wrote on here . It doesn’t matter it his daughter you are explaining about , he should know . Tell him how much you love him and miss him . As for stately homes threat , there are some remarkable ladies in there that are still trying to survive after the abuse of their parents often still on going . I don’t agree they slag their parents off , and if they did , they have every right to considering the child abuse they have been through. There are so many on that threat trying to help others , it’s amazing to see .

Original poster
Lordofthebutterfloofs · 01/02/2023 07:22

Ydkiml · 01/02/2023 07:01

Write your grandad a letter explaining why you have cut ties with your mother. Write all the reasons you wrote on here . It doesn’t matter it his daughter you are explaining about , he should know . Tell him how much you love him and miss him . As for stately homes threat , there are some remarkable ladies in there that are still trying to survive after the abuse of their parents often still on going . I don’t agree they slag their parents off , and if they did , they have every right to considering the child abuse they have been through. There are so many on that threat trying to help others , it’s amazing to see .

Thank you for the advice re a letter.

As for stately homes, it's not for everyone and that's OK. It's certainly not for me.

OP posts:
Orangesandlemons77 · 01/02/2023 08:52

I had this with my dad when I was NC with mum. He tried to ask me to forgive her, kept doing things like phoning me and putting her on the phone, it was really hard.

I just said look, this is between me and her, you don't need to worry or get involved. Then just spoke to him. That seemed to work over time.

Justsoweary · 01/02/2023 15:06

I've dipped a toe in Stately Homes every now and then but everyone seems to have had such awful experiences that mine fade into insignificance. Yes a thread about going NC would've good. I'm struggling atm and Mnet is always where I come when I feel it's only me. Friends just don't get it, maybe it's just not that common, thank you everyone and..

Solidarity xx ❤️

VigilanteShit · 01/02/2023 18:23

Justsoweary · 01/02/2023 15:06

I've dipped a toe in Stately Homes every now and then but everyone seems to have had such awful experiences that mine fade into insignificance. Yes a thread about going NC would've good. I'm struggling atm and Mnet is always where I come when I feel it's only me. Friends just don't get it, maybe it's just not that common, thank you everyone and..

Solidarity xx ❤️

As my counsellor once said 'if you broke your leg and your neighbour broke both legs would that mean your leg wasn't broken?'
Xx

sweatervest · 01/02/2023 19:44

it's a biggy what you're going through. i haven't spoken to my mother for 20 years. it took me ten years to admit what a bitch she was. it's a long haul but so worth it when you see the view (metaphorically speaking!!)
people are mean and horrible and you don't have to be nice to them. and your grandpa can, to quote tiktok, stay in his own lane and get out of yours and your mothers. my granny used to have a go at me for not speaking to my mother. it was like an episode of love island for families. no way was i going to let anyone tell me what to do.

onwards and upwards and good for you. i am busy saluting you. (after i've finished typing this)

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