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Original poster

How did you know he was really one of the good guys?

78 replies

Sweetchops22 · 31/12/2022 01:01

How did you know he was really one of the good guys?

i have just broken up with my boyfriend and wanting some nice happy positive stories please to make me feel better 😪

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 31/12/2022 10:50

Anyone….

OP posts:
krackin23 · 31/12/2022 10:55

Observe how he treats other people, especially strangers.

almondflake · 31/12/2022 11:03

He wants to be with you , like the PP said watch how he treats other people and animals , he likes you to be your best , encouraging you . There's so many little things , cuddles , watching tv , going out with each other and separately .
He's accommodating , has his own hobbies and interests but ultimately he's a nice man that finds time for you .

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 31/12/2022 11:03

In first meeting he talked to me, not at me, and made eye contact, I am large of breast. Our conversation was wide ranging, not just based on sussing out shaggability, which was absolutely the norm back in the pub culture of the 80s.

mrstea301 · 31/12/2022 11:14

We were friends for a long time before we actually got together, but once I got to know him even better, it was realising how genuinely kind and thoughtful he is. He'd go out of his way to accommodate me, like dropping me off or picking me up from nights out with my friends etc.

My ex, if I'd arranged a girls night out with my friends, would ask "and what am I going to do?" As if I was expected to arrange a play date for him like I was his mum! Such an ick!!

baileys6904 · 31/12/2022 11:19

He makes me smile when I think of him. I am proud to introduce him to people because of his character. He's not perfect but he knows that and takes ownership/ apologises when he is wrong or has upset me. He works as a partnership on life issues. He's there for bad times as well as good. He makes me feel good about myself. I can trust him.

So many things

NoCatsToday · 31/12/2022 11:33

I was very ill on a locked ward in a foreign country and be dropped everything to come and help me. I knew he was a keeper then.

KingscoteStaff · 31/12/2022 11:37

People I liked, liked him.

festiveoverwhelm · 31/12/2022 11:42

The way he treated his friends and when I saw how he treated his family. The way he spoke about his ex girlfriend, with respect and kindness (never trust a man who slags off his ex, he’ll do the same about you). When I found out about difficulties he’d had during his childhood and he talked about the way that had shaped him and how it had given him a really clear idea of what a good man is and what he needed to do to be one. He knows himself and he’s done the work to overcome childhood trauma and not let it define him. Not many people do that at the young age he was when we met. He’s the most mentally robust person I’ve ever met.

That was 10 years ago and I’ve never ever doubted he’s a good man. People tell you who they are, you just have to listen.

antipodeancanary · 31/12/2022 11:45

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
We are not even very religious, but thats a good guide.

JorisBonson · 31/12/2022 11:47

I had a hangover and he brought me a massive pizza without being asked.

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 31/12/2022 11:50

He actually listens, he is honest and communicates well. He tells and shows you that he loves you. He cooks dinner, washes the clothes, unloads the dishwasher etc etc.. is a warm loving husband and father..

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 31/12/2022 11:54

Oh yes @ffestiveoverwhelm

I met a couple of his exes and they were complimentary about him, as he was about them.

Allsnotwell · 31/12/2022 11:57

Well he lived on his own - bonus after dating boys still at home and hadn’t fended for themselves!

He has a huge group of friends and was well liked!

He kept his friendships - as I did.

Never got jealous or needy.

Thelongwayround · 31/12/2022 12:00

This is a bit random but when we talked early on about music taste he mentioned some incredible female artists, Kate Bush for eg, and I just got a good feeling that he respected strong women.

Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 31/12/2022 12:57

These are all lovely. Really struggling today with my break up but I know it’s the right thing deep down…

enjoying these heartfelt stories

OP posts:
DoomedForLoneliness · 31/12/2022 14:39

Observe how he treats other people, especially strangers.

To this I would add what I find to be one of the most important things:

Hiw he treats and talk about women who are of ”no use”.
Men can be, or pretend to be, oh so nice of women who ”do as told and falls in line”.

But how does he view women who aren’t ’pretty’, or are older.
Or women who don’t dress for male gaze.
How about women who don’t want kids or date men - if they are in relationship with another woman, are asexual, just don’t care for it. What does he say if a woman doesn’t want or have sex, this is a big one.
What about women who call out sexism, don’t just giggle when men watch/talk about porn.

Like I said, many men ”like” women and can treqt them well as long as they behave, the things I listed are outside of what men want women to be like.

Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 31/12/2022 16:11

Wanting to keep this a happy positive thread about your nice DH/DP

OP posts:
Wiccan · 31/12/2022 16:24

My DH treats me with the same kindness ,respect and protects me always as he has done since the first day we met . He loves animals and cries when he watches Bambi he treats our little dog like his baby .he's a gorgeous person inside & out he's always treated others with respect especially women . He was definatly a keeper🙂

Nagado · 31/12/2022 16:28

Time. He was lovely from the first day we met, but I was worried it was all just an act. I’d made a conscious decision that I only wanted to date nice men, but a couple of shitbags slipped through the net because I wasn’t used to dating nice men and missed the red flags. When I first met DH, I saw the kindness (not performance kindness, but when he thought nobody was looking) and the way his family and his friends adored him. And I was just waiting for him to start treating me with less kindness, but he didn’t. His actions matched his words. He actively wanted to spend time with me and have me in my life. He supported me and gave me the confidence to do the things I wanted to do. He wanted to be part of my family and get to know my friends. And he has carried on with that. He puts me before him every single time. And I like the way he treats other people. He’s the best person I’ve ever met.

BakersYeast · 31/12/2022 16:30

I was going through a difficult time when I met him and was a bit up and down. He came and sat with me one evening when I had a down night and watched a load of shit reality TV and made me tea. He said that we are all only human and all have our issues.

UWhatNow · 31/12/2022 16:33

He always put me first. In everything. Even when we’d fallen out over petty things. Then when we had kids he has always put his family first and foremost above himself and anything else in his life. We are his entire world and he shows it every day.

Figgypudding123 · 31/12/2022 16:37

He always phoned when he said he was going to phone, arrived when he said he was going to arrive and was honest to a fault. I just knew from the start I could trust him...

SoyMarina · 31/12/2022 16:39

All of the above including asking yourself if you’re really one of the good guys too.

Zanatdy · 31/12/2022 16:42

I’m only 6wks in to first relationship in over a decade (first for new BF since his ex left him) but I think for me it’s how he treats me, so caring, I can talk to him about anything, including ex’s with no jealousy, he’s kind to his pets, he adores his kids and has 100% custody of them, he just wants to take care of me, and although I’m a fiercely independent woman I like that. Oh and the sex is absolutely insane! I’m not letting him go! No way! If I find any negatives I’ll have to put up with them as I’m 46 and having the best sex of my life right now, I didn’t even know some of these things existed, haha