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Original poster

How did you know he was really one of the good guys?

78 replies

Sweetchops22 · 31/12/2022 01:01

How did you know he was really one of the good guys?

i have just broken up with my boyfriend and wanting some nice happy positive stories please to make me feel better 😪

TIA

OP posts:
Shunkleisshiny · 31/12/2022 16:44

My parents loved him from the very beginning, my Dad was a good man and they say it takes one to know one!

Ofcourseshecan · 31/12/2022 16:44

I knew DH slightly as a friend of friends. He seemed friendly and nice to everyone, eg polite to waiters and helpful to disabled people getting off buses etc. I’ve always liked good-natured men, though I’ve wasted time with some louts!

When we got together I was quite weak after an illness and he was so protective. But he wasn’t seeking someone to make him feel big. He still loves me now I’m strong and competent again! I

I love his kindness, his humour, his support for me when I need it. I think he loves the same things in me.

Mummymidwife33 · 31/12/2022 16:47

Sounds trite but he brings out the best side of me. He never played games, told me from the start he wanted to be in a relationship with me and never let me down or left me wondering where I stood. He is just one of the kindest people I have ever met and being with him just fills me with calmness and happiness. We both had difficult marriages first time round but like others have said he was only ever factual about his ex and didn't slag her off to me despite the hurt she has caused. He said he wanted me to make my own mind up. Being the complete opposite of my ex also helped me to see that he is one of the good ones.
Finally, and most importantly I think, we both just want the best for each other and are always respectful of each other's needs.

You will find your person and it will be so worth the wait.

Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 31/12/2022 16:53

@Mummymidwife33

You will find your person and it will be so worth the wait.

I really hope so. I’m really heartbroken so these stories are giving me hope.

OP posts:
Topjoe19 · 31/12/2022 17:06

I'd previously been in a very toxic relationship so took my time before getting into a new relationship. I was in a completely different headspace as a result & knew I wouldn't have accepted any nonsense. Luckily I met my now DH, who was so honest & open about his life. He never hid me, introduced me to everyone who was important to him and he included me completely in his life. He's proud of me even when I feel I've not been at my best. He will listen & support me even at stupid o'clock & I can't sleep. He is a wonderful dad to our DC. We have our spats & tiffs but he will always want to talk it through, nor ignore me. Take your time and believe in yourself, work on your self esteem and know that you only deserve the best. You will meet someone, make sure they treat you well.

gossamerfleur · 31/12/2022 17:11

An ex of mine did all the right things, I suppose you might describe him as a sort of confidence trickster able to sell himself well. Not even love bombing but more subtle than that.

Time was the only thing that enabled me to see the red flags emerge and outright lies, so my advice is to not rush into anything and get to know someone properly.

BigMamaFratelli · 31/12/2022 17:24

He's patient and kind. He's always looking after me. We've known each other forever and used to work in the same office. When I was hungover he'd bring me a can of diet coke and a bag of hula hoops😍.
I have arthritis in my hands and he'll sit and rub them for me when I'm cold and achey without me even asking. He's so good with my kids and always getting them little things he thinks they'd like or thinking of places to take them.
But most of all I really feel like I've got a partner, that we're in it together and he's got my back.

Onnabugeisha · 31/12/2022 17:28

I didn’t know he was one of the good guys. It takes years to really know another person. I took a chance on him, and he never let me down. Now, 28yrs and 4 DC raised later, I know for a fact that he is one of the good guys.

amigababy · 31/12/2022 17:32

I worked with him, in a department full of women. Everyone liked him, he talked to everyone in the company, from the MD to the cleaners. It was obvious he is a people person, equally at home with men and women. Good emotional intelligence (which actually I don't have)

He had a cat ( wouldn't date a man who wasn't a pet owner)

Luxembourgmama · 31/12/2022 17:33

He stopped for a few minutes to move a caterpillar off a path even though he needed to go back to work after lunch.

Grimreapers · 31/12/2022 17:33

When he slept all night with me, his excessive body hair and drooling when he's happy only add to his charm. Knew he was a keeper the moment he purred when we cuddled.

amigababy · 31/12/2022 17:33

Luxembourgmama · 31/12/2022 17:33

He stopped for a few minutes to move a caterpillar off a path even though he needed to go back to work after lunch.

Andy from Detectorists? 😊

Oher · 31/12/2022 17:35

But complicated byt to summarise: I last minute invited him on a fun date, but he said he couldn’t make it that eve because he’d already committed to give some guys we both know a lift somewhere. He doesn’t even like those guys but did it because he’d said he would so that was that.

I found it very reassuring that he honoured his obligations even to assholes.

AChristmasCaro · 31/12/2022 17:36

Watch how he talks about women generally. If he’s nasty about appearances or acts as if woman knows less because she’s a woman etc etc- this is what he’s really like, even if he’s charming to you.

MyMachineAndMe · 31/12/2022 17:39

He wasn't scared off when I got trolleyed and started going on about how I was too old to have babies (at 28) whilst throwing up in the hotel loo with him holding my hair out of the way. We'd known each other for about 4 months at that point 😂

minticecreamisjustok · 31/12/2022 17:42

Wouldn't say being nice to strangers is always true, my ex was superficially nice to strangers but not to me.
Time will tell that's the only way, or we would avoid them in the first place.

Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 01/01/2023 14:42

Take your time and believe in yourself, work on your self esteem and know that you only deserve the best. You will meet someone, make sure they treat you well.

@Topjoe19 really lovely words. This is what I need to do. I also was in a previously extremely toxic relationship. Didn’t think this one I just ended was until recently.

Your story gives me hope. At the moment I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. It was just him I wanted. From your last toxic relationship, how long was it til you felt you could move on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 01/01/2023 14:43

Luxembourgmama · 31/12/2022 17:33

He stopped for a few minutes to move a caterpillar off a path even though he needed to go back to work after lunch.

@Luxembourgmama 😂😂😂😂 now that’s super cute!

OP posts:
TulipTuesday · 01/01/2023 14:52

Hearing about how he helped my best friend when she was very drunk on a night out.
We were just starting to move from friendship to a relationship and I couldn’t go out with everyone that night so wasn’t there.
My best friend got herself in to a state, apparently everyone else was laughing at her and just telling her to go home. DH carried her up a very steep street, took her to a friends flat, helped her when she fell naked off the toilet (he covered his eyes then her with a sheet) gave her water and made sure she got to bed.

We were all young and immature but hearing about how he dealt with that situation with maturity and kindness made me realise he was a keeper. We’re still together 23 years later.

Speedweed · 01/01/2023 14:57

He didn't mess me about - if he said he would call, he did. If he said we'd go out next Friday, we did. If he said he would give someone a lift, he did. He wasn't a pushover, but always did what he said he'd do. It was so refreshing.

Topjoe19 · 01/01/2023 15:13

@Sweetchops22 it was about a year but I was pretty apprehensive about meeting someone and it was a friend persuaded me to give OLD a go. I was very wary of letting down my guard and can honestly say I was fine with being single and was in it for fun. My self esteem was high and I wouldn't have accepted anything less than I deserved and still wouldn't now. Met my now DH pretty quickly after joining OLD.

Original poster
Sweetchops22 · 01/01/2023 15:56

@Topjoe19 glad you found happiness.

i never liked OLD. Don’t think I’d ever try it again. But suppose never say never.

such a shitty start to my 2023.

OP posts:
OhPeggySue · 01/01/2023 16:03

krackin23 · 31/12/2022 10:55

Observe how he treats other people, especially strangers.

My oh is lovely to strangers and other people. He's a cunt in private to me.

SomeCommonThing · 01/01/2023 16:04

He's never once referred to himself as a good or nice guy.

He also asked my consent for a hug goodbye on our first date.
I had huge boundary issues when we first met and he completely respected all of them. Even the ones that likely made 0 sense!
I have c-ptsd and was in therapy, I was honest with him about it, he never pressed for information and just allowed me to open up in my own time.

He also had a cracking and dark sense of humour that matches mine, and we could have long in depth chats about ANYTHING.

We've been together 5.5 years. Married for 3.5 .

namechangeforthisoneeee · 01/01/2023 16:22

He got on with my friends immediately and they loved him. no messing about with mind games like not replying to texts to keep me keen etc (like I had had in the past). How he is with his family and mine. Hope you feel better soon OP it really sucks so allow yourself to wallow a little then pick yourself up with whatever makes you happy