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Original poster

Went out with new boyfriends friends for first time and they were all on coke, opinions?

88 replies

Workingin38 · 30/12/2022 09:54

I’ve been with my new boyfriend for 8 months. We’re both late 30s and I have a young child who lives most of the week with me and 2 days with his dad. My boyfriend has not met DC yet and won’t for a while.
my boyfriend was open with me about his past drug use, it’s a definite no no for me and we’ve talked openly about it. And I just want to say that I’m not concerned that his is using drugs anymore as I do trust him on that.
he did tell me that his friends still take drugs on occasion (mostly coke). We had a night out on boxing night and it was pretty obvious to me the friends were taking drugs as well as their partners. They are all 30/40 year old
professionals, some with children too.
i also overheard my boyfriend telling his friends that I don’t like it so if they’re gonna do it he doesn’t want it being totally in your face. Which made me feel a bit like a young child.
How would you feel about this? I get on well with his friends and we’ve had lovely dinner dates and trips away with them but this has just made me feel awkward. I feel like ‘turning a blind eye’ doesn’t really sit right with me either as it’s really against my values

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 30/12/2022 19:29

Wouldn’t work for me and I would tell your BF it was obvious they were on coke and you find it very sad they need to use something to enjoy themselves, it’s not your scene so you won’t be meeting up with them again

Ofcourseshecan · 30/12/2022 20:19

redtshirt50 · 30/12/2022 10:09

boxing day was always going to be a ‘big night’ so maybe next time it’s a ‘big night’ just say you’re not going along

it’s not really up to you to judge his friends and how they live their life

I do judge them, because the cocaine trade makes people’s lives hell, especially in Central annd South America, ordinary people who are not involved in crime themselves. Violence, murders and intimidation dominating whole towns and cities. No adult has the right to pretend they don’t know this.

ZeilanBlueSky · 30/12/2022 20:24

Ofcourseshecan · 30/12/2022 20:19

I do judge them, because the cocaine trade makes people’s lives hell, especially in Central annd South America, ordinary people who are not involved in crime themselves. Violence, murders and intimidation dominating whole towns and cities. No adult has the right to pretend they don’t know this.

Show quote history

If people want to shove substances in their body, I'm not going to judge them for that.

But I agree that using substances that have such a harmful background is wrong. By using those substances, people are perpetuating the harm, and that's what I'd judge them for.

Charliehaus · 30/12/2022 20:30

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 30/12/2022 10:26

Ah the naivety!

Show quote history

Oh please

Cosycover · 31/12/2022 00:43

Ofcourseshecan · 30/12/2022 20:19

I do judge them, because the cocaine trade makes people’s lives hell, especially in Central annd South America, ordinary people who are not involved in crime themselves. Violence, murders and intimidation dominating whole towns and cities. No adult has the right to pretend they don’t know this.

Show quote history

Literally everything has negative connotations attached. Most things you buy or consume are not innocent.

harrassedmumto3 · 31/12/2022 01:41

I'm not sure what your AIBU is.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend was trying to be respectful towards you, by asking them not to flaunt their lifestyle choices in your face.
You do sound incredibly judgy.

lemonstrawberry · 31/12/2022 01:57

Your boyfriend introduces you to the crowd.Sure, you don't take the drugs now, but eventually you will. Peer pressure.
And then you will lose control of your life...and potentially lose your children.
Why would you risk it all ?

LaLuz7 · 31/12/2022 07:18

harrassedmumto3 · 31/12/2022 01:41

I'm not sure what your AIBU is.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend was trying to be respectful towards you, by asking them not to flaunt their lifestyle choices in your face.
You do sound incredibly judgy.

Ahahahahahaha now it's judgy to look down on illegal drug use? Get a grip.

The UK has a very unhealthy attitude to alcohol and drugs.

In most European countries people would be absolutely horrified to learn someone close to them does cocaine. The fact it's become so normalised in the UK doesn't make it just another pastime...

babyyodaxmas · 31/12/2022 07:34

I’m a vegetarian, should I not go out for dinner with meat eaters ?

DH and Dd are vegetarian of course we socialise with meat eaters, but the obsession with animal flesh over Christmas was a bit much tbh. Smoked salmon and Turkey and pigs in blankets and ham all in 3 days. I eat meat but on average only once of twice a month and won't eat salmon for environmental reasons (generally local grass fed beef or a bit of free range chicken). Although most veggies wouldn't not come doesn't mean they won't feel uncomfortable with that level of meat consumption.

babyyodaxmas · 31/12/2022 07:36

Main problem with Coke heads is they are unbelievably dull and impotent IME also black moods the next day.

strawberrysummer19 · 31/12/2022 07:38

This happened to me ! Met my now hubby 8 yrs ago and went out on a night out where all
His friends were obviously doing coke ( my partner used to and doesn't anymore ) he knew I wasn't in to it and not my scene - never has be. It caused a bit of a difference of opinion as I'm really anti drugs and he isn't but that doesn't mean he still does it for the posters who says he does

You won't know At this stage ! I took a gamble and took his word. For info he's not friends with these people anymore ! Nothing to do with the coke but interesting enough one of the girlfriends who I met that night I'm still friends with! So I know my story is probably not the norm but i wouldn't write him off coz if I did I would have lost out on the best relationship I've had. We are now married with 2 kids x

RenovationsUnderway · 31/12/2022 07:45

I guess as you are so different from his friends in that respect, at some point he will end up going either more towards them or more towards you.

Mollymalone123 · 31/12/2022 07:51

For me personally I couldn’t be around his mates at all.I hate the normalising of something so abhorrent - something brought to this country illegally that has come from places so violent by gangs that kill people,just do some prat can shove it up their nose for a good time

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