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Original poster

Fantasising but not of DH

61 replies

Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:25

Hi everyone
Ive been married about 6 years, love my DH to bits. I’m early 30s, feel good and look good but the sex I have with my husband is so boring. Same thing, super quick and no satisfaction for me at all. He cums and that’s it and I’m just left (this has been going on for about a year) to the point now when we have sex I think great….
BUT the sex is just so rubbish I’m having to sort my self out a good few times a week. The worst thing is, there’s been some sexual tension with me and a guy (he’s married too & has offered the proposition of sneaky sex but I declined). I don’t think his sex life is great and he’s a very good looking and tempting guy and now when I sort myself out I fantasise of him doing all the things he told me he wants to do! I know this isn’t great but what do I do! I’m so sexually unsatisfied and now temptation is there but I don’t want to go there but I just feel like bleh! Spoken to DH re sex life - he isn’t interested!

OP posts:
DannydeVitooo · 28/12/2022 21:29

Have sex with the other guy then

category12 · 28/12/2022 21:31

Have you talked to your husband about the poor sex life? What does he say?

Why are you looking outside your marriage instead of trying to address it with him?

category12 · 28/12/2022 21:33

Oh sorry, missed your last line about him not being interested in improving things.

Rather than cheat on him, tell him it's a threat to your marriage and needs resolving.

Original poster
Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:34

Spoken to him. He’s not interested to be honest - wants to keep it the way it is. He feels as long as he has got satisfaction he’s happy. Said he doesn’t want to prolong it

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 28/12/2022 21:35

If he's not interested in pleasing you, what's the problem with you fantasising about getting pleasure elsewhere? What harm is it doing?

I can't imagine an otherwise loving and respectful person would say 'Your sexual pleasure? Nah, not interested in that, I just want to use you for my pleasure', so I suspect there's a backstory here of a poor relationship in other ways.

category12 · 28/12/2022 21:35

I'd leave him then. How selfish.

3487642l · 28/12/2022 21:37

Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:34

Spoken to him. He’s not interested to be honest - wants to keep it the way it is. He feels as long as he has got satisfaction he’s happy. Said he doesn’t want to prolong it

He doesn't care that you don't have any satisfaction? Wtaf?

SugarMiceInTheRain · 28/12/2022 21:38

Honestly I'd leave him. Your DH sounds really selfish in bed. My sex life with DH isn't fantastic but we are 20 years and 3 children in, and although it's not as frequent as I'd like, he does care about my pleasure. If he didn't, I wouldn't just be fantasising about someone else, I'd be leaving him for them.

3487642l · 28/12/2022 21:39

You explain to him that since he has no interest in meeting your needs you will need to go elsewhere to get them met. It's either an open relationship or he commits to learning how to give you some satisfaction in bed.

Original poster
Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:41

Yeah I get that. The problem is everything else about our relationship is great. Like I love the life we have. Just not the sex situation :(

OP posts:
category12 · 28/12/2022 21:42

And if you're not ready to leave him, stop having sex with him.

Why keep doing it if he can't be arsed to make sure you enjoy it too? Nah, mate. No chance he'd keep getting laid if it were me.

He's got no incentive to make an effort if he gets to carry on having sex with you despite not getting you off or even trying.

Watchkeys · 28/12/2022 21:43

So he's interested in listening to and meeting your needs in all other ways, and this is the only area where you feel that he doesn't listen/care?

gannett · 28/12/2022 21:43

Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:34

Spoken to him. He’s not interested to be honest - wants to keep it the way it is. He feels as long as he has got satisfaction he’s happy. Said he doesn’t want to prolong it

This attitude is shocking, not good enough, a legitimate deal-breaker.

Was he ever good in bed? Like, when you got together with him?

But whether he's let his performance slide or it was never up to scratch he has to put some effort in. If he doesn't fix that it'll never get better.

Watchkeys · 28/12/2022 21:45

Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:34

Spoken to him. He’s not interested to be honest - wants to keep it the way it is. He feels as long as he has got satisfaction he’s happy. Said he doesn’t want to prolong it

Can you not tell him you've decided to reciprocate this, and that his sexual pleasure is of no interest to you any more? Just leave it at that. See how he gets on with it.

User135644 · 28/12/2022 21:47

DannydeVitooo · 28/12/2022 21:29

Have sex with the other guy then

She's already going to.

astarsheis · 28/12/2022 21:47

Why are you even bothering to have sex with a man who has so little interest in satisfying you?

dolor · 28/12/2022 21:48

I wouldn't stay with a man who was concerned only with his own sexual pleasure. Dump him, and go and have fun with someone who does.

Newwardrobe · 28/12/2022 21:50

Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:34

Spoken to him. He’s not interested to be honest - wants to keep it the way it is. He feels as long as he has got satisfaction he’s happy. Said he doesn’t want to prolong it

He honestly, truly said that ?

Mushroomlady · 28/12/2022 21:51

A partner not making an effort to satisfy is a dealbreaker in my book. It's the height of uncaring arrogance and disregard. It's abusive as they're just taking from you/using you and giving nothing back. Awful

Lollypop701 · 28/12/2022 21:51

I absolutely would not be having sex solely for his pleasure. And I’m 20 odd years In sometimes it doesn’t happen on either part.., head space.. but not on a regular basis. The underlying message is not a good one and you know this. Basically tell him if it’s not ever happening for you it ain’t happening at all. See what he says, but I honestly think it’s over already and you are prolonging it

Original poster
Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:55

Years ago when we got together the sex, was good - he was passionate and cares about my needs. But now it’s like a tickbox exercise for him. He works really hard and has a high flying job so he just says he ain’t got time to think about sex or make it more exciting.

I ain’t going to leave him - my issue is this fantasising about X and the potential temptation he brings!!!

OP posts:
aloris · 28/12/2022 21:57

If your husband is this uninterested in your happiness then is it possible there are deeper problems in your marriage that you are ignoring? I mean, it's not as if he's even tried, and things haven't worked. It sounds as if he's explicitly telling you that your sexual happiness is unimportant within the marriage. I don't know, that sounds like a deep problem, but you're kinda glossing it over?

Original poster
Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:59

I think sex is just not a priority to him vs making money and having a great life to be honest.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 28/12/2022 22:01

Stop having sex with him if he isn’t bothered about your needs.

worstusernameeverx2 · 28/12/2022 22:04

Yazi4321 · 28/12/2022 21:34

Spoken to him. He’s not interested to be honest - wants to keep it the way it is. He feels as long as he has got satisfaction he’s happy. Said he doesn’t want to prolong it

And you want to spend your life like this? Leave, like..now