You mention this attitude towards sex developed during the past year. How was your sex life before that? Please elaborate. I am not sure if you mentioned you have children? Do you? When did you have them?
Did anything major take place during the past year or two? Something that created more stress and anxiety? Anything else? Stress is a sex killer, and at times, a party feels he or she has the obligation to provide it to his/her partner, and resorts to quick sex.
The quality of your sex is now "bad." How about the quantity? Surely, quality is more important than quantity, but how many times a week do you have sex? Who initiates sex?
Sex is one of the 4 cornerstones of a marriage. Love, trust and understanding are the other three. How would you rate the two of you, in these three cornerstones? That is, how much do you love one another, trust one another and understand (and communicate with) one another?
Sex is given paramount importance at the beginning of a relationship and a marriage, and for most couples it wanes over time. As a psychologist/marital relations counselor, about half of my cases relate to unsatisfactory sex life, with one party complaining, and at times the two complaining.
What I most find in my practice is the lack of communication in a marriage. Communication, provided that love exists, should pave a way to understanding each other's needs. Sexual and other.
Do you resort to masturbation? Does he? Fantasising is fine. In therapy, when sex is poor, very often, we encourage fantasy, pillow and dirty talk, but this to improve the quality of sex. Naturally, this has to be mutual.
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