I'm finding every single thing dh does annoying

[Shesasuperfreak]

Its been about 2 months now but I can't stand how he coughs, how he sits when he eats, the way he touches the wall with an open palm leaving the wall dirty.

Such minor, minor things but they have become a big deal to me until times like this when I can reflect and thing why are they bothering me so much.

It isn't just things like that, its everything. He talks and mansplains to the children over every interesting TV show then asks what happened because he wants to make a clever point all the time.
If I'm telling a story he will butt in and exaggerate parts and then I have to correct what he is saying.

He goes off on rants (like I am now...) and tells the same facts over and over. I've had enough! I've snapped and I am becoming rude and nasty. I will say stop ranting, or I will rewind a show and say I didnt hear a thing because you were talking, or stop palming the fucking wall!

How can I calm down? I know that it's my tolerance and my irritability because whats he's doing he has been doing for 13 years.

Geez. Does anyone like their husbands anymore?

Reading and posting on this thread is not going to make anything better or improve your situation, it just reinforces your opinion.

Everyone piles on and says their experience which justifies your position.
He may be irritating you at the moment but is that the reason to just give up and have a failed marriage?

I agree very weird- the way it was told made me laugh though, brilliant explanation 'palm cocked ready to touch the wall' 😂

It sounds like you are more interested in keeping the institution of marriage safe rather than in the well-being of the people in the marriage.

@EllesB i once had a student who had to touch a wall all the way from school reception to the classroom and then the table had to be near the wall so they could still touch it! If they couldn’t touch the wall they got extremely anxious!
(I’ve also got a dog who does the same thing!)🤷‍♀️

I get like that with my DH occasionally. Sex helps.

I think I’m peri (44) and feeling the same about everything DH does at present!

I do know someone who had the coil and it made them “witchy” (their words). Could it be the coil?

He leaves his jacket in the wrong place, talks too much, touches the wall, sits with his legs apart. What an absolute bastard.

Its the XMas ick!

Next week, everything will quieten down again

Congratulations Op you found your ICK factor,

but on serious note. your hormones might be in out of balance

Sounds like bad pms, or suprisingly thyroid problems (overreactine one).

No, he's had all the tests, including quite recently. The nurse did tell him to stop drinking so much squash/fluid through. Said he'd wreck his kidneys and sodium levels or something.

He uses his vape as a sucky thing, too. It's the noise, the constant noise. And jesus the slurping of hot coffee.

Theoretically I'm not short on oestrogen - Evorel 75 patches see to that - but it's like I've recently developed misophonia. I have told him this, as a way of kind of taking the blame myself.

He eats nicely though. I think if that ever changes it'll tip me over the edge.

Death by a thousand cuts.

I find that DH annoys me when I'm not feeling great myself anyway. It's like I'm already irritated with life and he's just an excuse to take it out on.

Hmmmmm.... I felt like this about my Ex. No we are no longer married and I only see him occasionally, I realise he is a nice bloke and I was picking faults (wasn't worth the divorce for what is put my DS through).

Some years on and a bit older and wiser, I do think there are some hormones involved, but I also think we can be guilty of treating those we love worse than our friends. I would never have snapped at and criticised my friends to that extent. Also, not perfect myself.

The solution- step back, chat to a sensible friend, talk properly to your husband and find some fun in your life.

Duringduran I knew I'd get a response like yours.
Um hardly, I was pointing out how much women complain about their husbands.
You must have loved them enough at some point to commit to marrying them.
MN is very anti marriage.

Gosh if either I or DH gets the ick, I think it will be him! Almost all of these annoying habits are the kind of thing I do..... he is way tidier, well washed etc than me....

For now, he seems to think all my disorganisation, messiness, out of shapeless, dropping food down my front etc is endearing.....

Long may it last!

@Willygogs
There was a previous thread a while back which was pure comedy, maybe someone can find it, ick from how they wore their rucksack and what was in it and one that galloped down the street, it sticks in my mind as it was so entertaining

I do think it’s interesting how a lot of the traits we find funny or endearing at the start of a relationship turn into the sort of thing you literally want to kill someone over 10 plus years in.

"He talks and mansplains to the children over every interesting TV show then asks what happened because he wants to make a clever point all the time."

My dh does this too. He's a frightful know-it-all offering the benefit of his wisdom at length even though no one asked. He is offended if he's not duly paid attention to as well. Just fuck off.

I have told him before to hang it inside the cupboard many times. Yesterday I just looked at him and took the coat and put it on the floor, shut the door and walked away. Its very petty. If someone saw it they would think I'm a bitch but it pissed me off so much.

I don't have any advice, but this did make me laugh!

My dh puts his coats everywhere! Just not on the coat hooks behind the door like everyone else. Drives me mad as it makes the place look so untidy and if they are somewhere I want to sit then I have to move them.

I think the solo counselling would be a good idea, just to see what you want, and then go from there. If you do still feel you love your dh though, then try and have a chat and explain what he is doing and how it makes you feel and how you could end up leaving.

The palm on the wall thing is so odd!! How long has he been doing this! And why!!

As someone else said, see what happens after the Xmas hols, this is one of the worst holiday seasons for being stuck together indoors and annoying the shit out of each other.

The putting the coat on the floor thing made me laugh too. I do stuff like that.

dh has a habit of taking his socks off when he’s playing Xbox and leaving them on the floor next to the tv- rather than walking them to the washing bin. I used to pick them up and put them there for him along with the rest of the washing and now I just pick them up and put them in the middle of his seat on the sofa and leave them there. Drives me insane.

God I feel exactly the same. We are in the early stages of divorce caused by issues just like these - but of course the real issue is feeling unheard, disrespected and a very unhelpful parent/child dynamic. The Matthew Fray piece was a light bulb moment for me, along with this follow up:

matthewfray.com/2016/02/10/she-feels-like-your-mom-and-doesnt-want-to-bang-you/

I agree, it's important to look at ourselves too and the impact we may have on our partner, and on our relationships. There's more than one truth.

@OnemoresliceofChristmascake and @Windblownwife yes totally!
Love is a verb not just a noun, the ick isnt necessarily permanent.
You will never get that feeling of security and perfection back that you may have sometimes had in childhood. We can expect too much0of our partners.

I find sex helps even though ironically I have never felt less like it when I have the ick.

The one that galloped down the street was posted by me. An ex approached me at a bus stop in a ‘galloping horses’ hooves’ run. What an absolute twat.