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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is saying this cruel or being honest?

59 replies

Onmyownagain1 · 27/12/2022 19:28

After half a decade relationship, if a man in his late 40s told you "I always knew you were more into me than I was into you and I don't love you", what would you think? He's my ex now as he discarded me.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 27/12/2022 19:29

I'd think he was a knob and I'd raise my standards next time round.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 19:29

How can any of us say whether it's true or not?

Suzi888 · 27/12/2022 19:29

That he was cruel and a bit pathetic.

spartanrunnergirl · 27/12/2022 19:31

It is unnecessarily cruel to do this, you must be terribly upset OP.

NestingSparrow · 27/12/2022 19:31

I would think he was insecure and defensive/passive aggressive. Or perhaps hurt and lashing out.

GotBeatenUp · 27/12/2022 19:33

It's not great but at least he told you it was over. He was stringing you along but some men will do that.

GotBeatenUp · 27/12/2022 19:37

I'll correct myself. He may have been stringing you along. He may have said it to hurt you, without really meaning it.

Why can't they say something that leaves both parties remembering happy times, and the dumped partner not feeling like they were used?

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 27/12/2022 19:38

And I do feel used and told him so.

OP posts:
GotBeatenUp · 27/12/2022 20:04

I think men are nice when they are into you then mysteriously turn into complete arseholes when they lose interest.

Your best bet is to put it down to experience and remember the happy times. I just blank the XP out of the happy times but remember what we did and how I felt, otherwise I'd remember that he was a violent unpleasant ugly man.

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 20:05

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 19:29

How can any of us say whether it's true or not?

Why would she lie??

girlmom21 · 27/12/2022 20:05

It was cruel but it doesn't mean it's not the truth unfortunately. Did he told you he loved you during your relationship?

PenanceAdair · 27/12/2022 20:08

It's both.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 20:11

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 20:05

Why would she lie??

Show quote history

I'm not suggesting she is lying. I'm saying that none of us know whether or not he ever actually loved her.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 27/12/2022 20:12

I'd think he was lashing out. It's not a good look for him.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 20:12

It's definitely cruel. I can't say if it's honest because I don't know.

HowzAboutIt · 27/12/2022 20:13

Half a decade is a weird thing to put. Are you trying to make 5 years sound longer?

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape from a nasty man

Hearmeout · 27/12/2022 20:15

I think he's being honest which might also be hard to hear. But better that than being strung along.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/12/2022 20:18

It would depend on the circumstances in which he said it. If he said it in anger during an argument I would think he was just saying whatever he thought would hurt most, not the truth. But if he had ended the relationship and I kept asking him "But why? Just tell me why. Did you never want to be with me? I need to understand what's going on", and he said it in answer to that, then it might be true. Although better left unsaid in my view.

nancydroo · 27/12/2022 20:20

Cruel because he is saying the whole relationship was like this, which is unnecessary

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 20:24

A person worth respecting would never say anything so unpleasant, so don't worry yourself over wondering if his comment was this or that. It proves him to be unpleasant, so there's no need to analyse any further. Remove unpleasant people from your life, and if they remove themselves, so much the better.

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 27/12/2022 20:27

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/12/2022 20:18

It would depend on the circumstances in which he said it. If he said it in anger during an argument I would think he was just saying whatever he thought would hurt most, not the truth. But if he had ended the relationship and I kept asking him "But why? Just tell me why. Did you never want to be with me? I need to understand what's going on", and he said it in answer to that, then it might be true. Although better left unsaid in my view.

He said it calmly. I felt he was losing interest in me and asked him how he felt about me and he said it then. Sad but true after all these years together.

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 27/12/2022 20:34

What he said was spiteful and unnecessary, OP. That means you are better off without him. I hope you meet someone better soon.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 20:39

Then I'm going to say he was telling the truth.

bizzywiththefizzy · 27/12/2022 20:40

Wow that's brutal and also he has a big ego .💐

Smellywellyhoo · 27/12/2022 21:31

Well it's both isn't it? It's honest and cruel. Just because someone tells the truth, it doesn't make it nicer.

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