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Original poster

Is saying this cruel or being honest?

59 replies

Onmyownagain1 · 27/12/2022 19:28

After half a decade relationship, if a man in his late 40s told you "I always knew you were more into me than I was into you and I don't love you", what would you think? He's my ex now as he discarded me.

OP posts:
5128gap · 27/12/2022 21:46

I'd think that something had made him feel insecure and inferior and he was trying to convince us both. Generally people who feel they are loved by someone they don't love in return, don't have any reason or compulsion to hurt them. Deliberate cruelty at the end of a relationship usually comes from a place of percieved injured feelings/anger/resentment. Unless the person is a nasty piece of work in general of course. But I'm sure you'd have realised that earlier in a 5 year relationship if it were that.

Puffin87 · 27/12/2022 22:06

Does he have BPD or NPD? You used the word discarded. My BPD ex would say things like this, I'd take it at face value and try to move on, then he'd reappear saying how much he missed me and he was just hurt.

Endless cycle.

Reindeersnooker · 27/12/2022 22:07

I would think he was self absorbed and pathetic.

fallfallfall · 27/12/2022 22:10

sounds like something nasty someone says in haste.
i'm sure it hurt and he most likely knew it would.
chances are it's not truthful but said at the "end" of a relationship.

ImpartialMongoose · 27/12/2022 22:12

Nobody knows if it's true but him. But it was said to cause you pain and so yes, it's cruel.

Sandra1984 · 27/12/2022 22:14

Unnecessary cruel.

purpledalmation · 27/12/2022 22:17

A shitty nasty thing to say. Never heard of letting someone down gently. Don't give him headspace

Nofreshstarthere22 · 27/12/2022 22:18

Look hes a dick you are worth so much more

Ramsbottom · 27/12/2022 22:22

I’d say from your wording. It’s cruel to say it but likely it was honest. I’m sorry

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 22:22

You know the correct response was "cool, well I've had way better than you in bed, your dick is really sub par .... But I'd never have said that to your face til you provoked me, cause I'm not c*!t like you".

BakersYeast · 27/12/2022 22:23

I would think that it is him rewriting a story to suit his current narrative.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 22:24

ImpartialMongoose · 27/12/2022 22:12

Nobody knows if it's true but him. But it was said to cause you pain and so yes, it's cruel.

And this.

NaatQ968 · 27/12/2022 22:25

I'd smile and wave goodbye, enjoy your life and you might find someone who really loves you for you. And that's what you deserve!

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 22:31

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 22:22

You know the correct response was "cool, well I've had way better than you in bed, your dick is really sub par .... But I'd never have said that to your face til you provoked me, cause I'm not c*!t like you".

Silence is dignity...

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 22:39

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 22:31

Silence is dignity...

Show quote history

But fucking with the head of a nasty bastard is much more satisfying.

And even the most confident of men will have it in the back of their head of you undermine their pride and joy, and sexual performance.

I was an in abusive relationship (he is an absolute piece of work and would cause the "right" sort of woman to end up suicidal; and one of the few things that makes me laugh looking back is his reaction when I said that I didn't mind small dicks, it wasn't really about penetration for me.... Its good to maintain some snark and to know they never ground you down. That they're not all that, in any way.

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 22:45

But fucking with the head of a nasty bastard is much more satisfying

Not if you're in a psychologically healthy place it isn't. Healthy people walk away from trouble, they don't goad it for fun.

piedbeauty · 27/12/2022 22:50

I'd think he was lying because he stayed with me for five years! Why do that if he didn't love me?? Plus, I'm very lovable. So I'd think he was a liar, lying to hide his hurt.

Oher · 27/12/2022 23:11

I’d think he was a bit of a sadist / narcissist with psychological problems. That’s a very cruel thing to say, and pointlessly cruel.

You had a lucky escape OP, imagine growing old with a sadist 😔

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 23:21

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 22:45

But fucking with the head of a nasty bastard is much more satisfying

Not if you're in a psychologically healthy place it isn't. Healthy people walk away from trouble, they don't goad it for fun.

It's not trouble.

Men like him are cowards.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 23:23

Not if you're in a psychologically healthy place

Having no deference for them and taking the piss out of them is psychologically healthy.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 23:23

They have no power when you can laugh at them.

RandomSunday · 27/12/2022 23:25

If I was in a 5 year relationship and he told me I was more into him than he was into me I’d take him at face value and be sure to let him go. The relationship is going nowhere. I wouldn’t waste any more time on it tbh.

What are you going to do OP?

Changechangychange · 28/12/2022 00:39

RandomSunday · 27/12/2022 23:25

If I was in a 5 year relationship and he told me I was more into him than he was into me I’d take him at face value and be sure to let him go. The relationship is going nowhere. I wouldn’t waste any more time on it tbh.

What are you going to do OP?

This. It honestly says more about him than it does you, that he was willing to pursue a relationship with somebody he wasn’t really interested in, for five whole years. Pretty pathetic really.

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 28/12/2022 05:42

RandomSunday · 27/12/2022 23:25

If I was in a 5 year relationship and he told me I was more into him than he was into me I’d take him at face value and be sure to let him go. The relationship is going nowhere. I wouldn’t waste any more time on it tbh.

What are you going to do OP?

The reason I asked the question was because I can't get my head around the fact that someone would stay in a relationship that long if they felt so little for the other person. I know everyone is entitled to end a relationship but I feel he used me and strung me along first.
I never plan on contacting him again.

OP posts:
Itsthewhitehat · 28/12/2022 05:58

I think it’s a difficult one. There’s threads here all the time, about people who have been told generic reasons for ending a relationship and it drives them insane. They want the truth and feel they can’t move on without it. Posters often agree and label it cruel.

But then, as you feel, him being honest was really cruel.

As to why people stay in relationships shops they don’t feel are quite right, there’s many reasons. Sometimes they think it is fine for a long time, then spend longer trying to get that feeling back. Sometimes the fear of going it alone keeps them there. Sometimes anyone is better than no one. Sometimes they just don’t realise until they realise. No one can answer that.