H and myself got married in 2013.
We had just got back together a few months (split after a nearly 7 yr relationship), he was working in the ME, we decided I should join him (not feasible to continue long distance) and the ME country in question had a "no unmarried cohabiting" law.
I was unwilling to risk getting caught and he felt similar.
We planned and had a quick, civil ceremony at city hall. We decided not to tell family at that time. Thought we'd have a "proper" family wedding at some time later.
One reason was how soon it was after getting back together (only 3 months), the other - from my side - was that I felt my late Dad would be put under pressure to pay for a proper wedding (which we couldn't afford ourselves). He had paid for most of my eldest sisters wedding and all of the other 2 siblings'weddings.
I knew if I told my Mum, she'd say he should/ask him to. My Mum can also be very domineering and opinionated, I saw her in action at my eldest sibling's wedding and when I briefly touched on the possibility of marrying a previous partner; I saw her instantly start to dictate the form of the wedding ("where would you have it.... Maybe X place ..... Oh no no, your Aunt had her wedding there, you couldn't have it at the same place she had hers, you'd want something better & different" etc. I knew everything would be like that. I didn't want a half way house between a functional wedding and what I'd really like .... Nagged and pressured by my Mum, with my Dad being made to pay.
We are still together now, just about (!)
We have a 5 yr old DD.
Due to finances and then the state of our relationship (post DD in particular) we have not had a "proper" wedding.
I told my parents and siblings (who have no contact with h's father, stepmother and step sisters) that we'd gotten married before I joined him in the ,ME, meant to have a wedding/party for them but ..... Reasons as above
They were ok with it. I think they were relieved I hadn't had my child unmarried as that matters to them.
H had never told his Dad etc.
I have asked him to, he evades me.
This year, we've received a Christmas card from his dad and step mum "to my son and his partner" on the front, it has grated on me .... For my sake, and because it's deceptive and unfair to his Dad etc.
I know he thinks his Dad would react badly to not having been told but it's only getting worse the more time goes on.
I asked him I'd he not telling him because he thinks we'll divorce (been on the brink twice) and he'll never have to find out - evasive about that too.
Even if we do, I still find it deceptive and low integrity.
How would you feel in these circumstances?